(Closed) Interesting article on why marriages fail

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I thought it was all common sense.  Nothing new to me, but I’ve read a ton a books on relationships, so it’s all stuff I’ve heard before.

Post # 4
Member
704 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think the article brings to point some great issues. I know in my marriage, I’ve felt concern over #1, about growing apart, because it’s so uncertain, and none of us know who we’ll be 10 years from now or even 5 years from now. The best we can do is make an educated guess and plan that with someone who is hoping to go down a complementary path.

 

Post # 5
Member
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

#4 is the biggest concern for me in some of my friends and families marriages. I feel like a lot of people around me fight in ways that just instigate hurt and further fighting.

Post # 6
Member
3585 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

 Yep it completely bugs me when people say “we can’t afford to get married” when they really mean “we can’t afford to have the party that we want/that others expect/that we think we are supposed to have.”

Marriage.  Wedding. Two different concepts.

Post # 7
Member
3585 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@harleyq:  oh I like that, two people going down “complimentary” paths if not the same path. That’s a good way to look at it.

Post # 8
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

That moment where I didn’t hesitate in answering, “Yes, absolutely.” for #3 kind of made my day. My SO and I have gotten to a place where we’ve been working on kinks in our relationship, seeing where we both stand and talking about the future together (we’ve been talking about marriage for a while, but now more decisive terms).

My bigger issue is fighting fairly. I came from a family of debators, his family either yelled it out or buried it under the rug. Our biggest kinks were our argument styles. One of us used to shut down at the beginning of our relationship, but we eventually learned to talk it out in a healty manner for both of us.

And as for #7. My parents made certain I knew before I dated that a relationship was real work. Friendship, family, boyfriend, husband etc. were all hard work and if you didn’t want to try, you were going to fail.

So that’s my little blurb about that. It’s a very succint article, huge studies have been done on smaller issues about marriage (I think), but it’s a good dicussion starter between two people who feel they might be having problems.

Post # 9
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Learning how to maintain respect, how to deal with conflict (90%+ of conflict goes unresolved in marriage!), adapting to the unknown all sure help too when going down complimentary paths.  Someone may change direction on you too!

 

Part of the scariest stuff for me is unknown health issues, you’re singing up for anything that happens health wise – like one of us getting cancer early on or one of us becoming severly disabled.  While I stick through sickness and health, it’s one of my worries about how hard it all could be!

Post # 11
Member
6215 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I’ve taken a lot of social psychology classes and read a lot of social psych articles, so this was nothing new to me. However, I agree that it does higlight a lot of problems marriages face and the reasons that a lot of them ultimately fail.

Post # 12
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I liked this article. I think how I communicate is one of my strong points iin relationships, but like others, I do worry sometimes about growing apart for whatever reason. But I think with proper communication & effort, losing emotional interest is avoidable in many relationships. 

Post # 13
Member
11355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree with many of the author’s points, especially #3, #5, and #6. 

However, as a Christian, I strongly disagree with many components of his second point, most especially this line: “But make no mistake: Marriage is a man-made institution, not a natural one.” 

I believe that God, not man, designed and created marriage.

Post # 14
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@sienna76:  I agree. I didn’t find the article really had anything new in it. 

Post # 15
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@FauxPas2012:  I agree that marriage and weddings are entirely different concepts. You can have a marriage without a wedding, but should never have a wedding without wanting a marriage.

Post # 16
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree with all of what the article says, though I feel like it’s common sense for people who don’t romanticize the institution of marriage. However, while I understand the popular notion is that marriages/relationships require work, I really don’t think that’s what a relationship should involve. Your relationship should never feel like work, you shouldn’t have to actively try to keep things going, and If you feel like you need to so, I think that you set yourself up for failure. 

Sure, work at fighting fairly — but a happy relationship should never feel like work.

I have been with my SO for five and a half years, and I have never once had to “work.” I prefer it that way.

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