Post # 1
I had a bit of a “waiting meltdown” on Friday night and ended up in tears on the couch with Boyfriend or Best Friend being awesome and talking me through it.
Basically, I was feeling frustrated because he’d told me that we’d go look at rings before the end of the year. We now have 8 weekends left before year end and literally all of ours are booked with travel/having guests in town/holidays/work events/etc. It seemed like there was no time left for ring shopping (which he later assured me was untrue). Also, I didn’t want him to drag me to the jewelry store on December 31 just because he felt like he had to meet some arbitrary ring shopping “deadline”. I wanted him to WANT to go (I sound like such a girl writing that). Also, I might have been PMSing. 🙂
Anyway, this got us into a long talk about getting engaged and the process of doing so and each of our expectations about the whole thing. I mentioned that sometimes, when he talks about proposing, he sounds so unexcited and it really bothers me/makes me think it’s really unlikely to happen.
And he said something really interesting, which I felt worth sharing with you ladies: “My feelings about TALKING about getting engaged are completely different than my feelings on ACTUALLY getting engaged”. My Boyfriend or Best Friend is not one of those guys who loves talking about his feelings (like most men), so this made perfect sense to me and made me feel a lot better about the whole engagemet process.
Now I just need to trust him and shut it up long enough so he can actually propose…
Post # 3
The old saying goes…
When a man talks LISTEN… and believe him… but ultimately what HE DOES with ACTIONS speaks louder than words.
So what he is telling you with:
“My feelings about TALKING about getting engaged are completely different than my feelings on ACTUALLY getting engaged”.
That clearly shows that Statement A doesn’t always align with Statement B
So be aware that it can go BOTH ways… it is yours to determine which is which
Hope this helps,
Post # 4
@Cinderella7: I lol’d a bit at your ‘waiting meltdown’ post. I’ve been there TOOOOO many times with my SO, and I’ve not once thought to refer to it as such…BUT IT IS LIKE A MELTDOWN. It can be sooo frustrating.
You and I are in the same boat if it makes you feel better…My SO is NOT a talker, won’t have conversations with me about our wedding or dream about it at all. Can be VERY frustrating.
But, every few months he checks in and lets me know it’s on his mind and while he’s still in school, still working towards getting a job….he wants it to happen after that.
OUR STORY: SO and I have been delayed by life and it’s caused some of my meltdowns, but I’ve learned to deal with it soooo much better now. Hopefully this helps you.
I agree with the first part of what @thistimeround said, when a man talks, listen!! IMO, the majority of men don’t talk up wanting to be married because this is fun chatter for them. As for the second part, only YOU can judge if your man is all talk and he is going to try and squeeze in ring shopping by the end of the year or if it’s just an excuse with your busy weekends to put it off til next year.
PS: FWIW…I feel like this is why we women become waiting bees haha. Men try and ‘hint’ around the proposal because in general, I think men have a fear of rejection. So before they start saving for a ring/planning a proposal, they put it out there to see what our reactions will be. I know that while I valued marriage and wanted it to happen sooner or later with Mr VB…it wasn’t until AFTER he brought up ‘me being his wife’ and told me in January it could be 1-2 years away…that I started to freak out. (really? That long!?!) I’ve learned to deal with it better; this site has helped.