(Closed) Interesting situation with bridesmaids and girl who isn't a bridesmaid

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
20 posts
  • Wedding: July 2011

If she is still close with your two bridesmaids, I would feel out the situation with one or both of them. Basically just pose them the same question you posed to us and try to gauge her potential reaction that way. Otherwise, if you feel comfortable doing so, you could be pretty straightforward with C. Something along the lines of, “Hey, C, I don’t know if you’d be interested or not, but [names] and I are going up north soon and I wanted to extend an invitation. We just want to do some relaxing before the wedding 🙂 Let me know if you want to join us!” She obviously knows that the girls are all bridesmaids, so by naming them I think you’d give her the opportunity to either come or bow out gracefully if she’d feel awkward, without explicitly referring to the proverbial elephant in the room. Of course, you could definitely ask her specifically how she’d feel about it if you and she are the sort of people who could have a super frank conversation. I think you’ve got some options. Good luck!

Post # 4
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Since she’s doing a lot for the wedding anyway, I would give her the honorary title of “personal attendant” (do people still do those at weddings? Is it maybe a regional thing? People had them all the time when I was growing up, but I never see it mentioned on the boards.) I’d invite her along on the trip, and when the wedding comes around, get her a corsage, put her name in the program, and get a picture taken of the two of you together.

Sound like a workable plan?

Post # 6
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

If I knew somebody that was willing to help me to do all that stuff, who I enjoyed being friends with, and that I could see our friendship continuing to grow even stronger in the future, I would make her a bridesmaid. It doesn’t really matter how long you’ve known somebody, as long as you feel a connection.

(Of course it’s up to you and what you want, just my 2 cents!)


Post # 7
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Personally, I think “personal attendent” is an idea best discarded, both as a term in this situation and as an overall concept. She’s either a bridesmaid, or she isn’t. “Personal attendent” is like “not good enough to stand with me” along with “but good enough to work on my behalf.” I hate it.

I recognize that other people feel differently, though.

Maybe you could consider inviting C as well as another good friend or a close cousin or something? That would eliminate the awkwardness of inviting just C in addition to the bridesmaids…

Post # 8
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

This is tough, not because she doesn’t deserve to go, but because personally, I would feel pretty awkward knowing that everyone else but me is in the bridal party.  Even if I didn’t want to be in the bridal party, I would feel out of place on a trip intended for bridal party bonding.  Like pp said though, I would feel it out with the other girls.

Post # 9
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Father's Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center

I was actually C in a situation recently. My childhood best friend recently got married and we only got back in touch about 6 months ago after a falling out in college. I was eager to help her and didn’t care about not being a bridesmaid. She invited me to all of the bridesmaid things and ended up naming me her “Hostess/Attendant.” I was so happy to help her and to get our friendship back that the other things were bonuses, and I definitely think that including me in those things just strengthened our friendship. I didn’t mind the personal attendant idea at all because I knew that it was her way of making me something special and showing her appreciation.  I didn’t once think that it was because she didn’t think I was good enough to be a bridesmaid, I know she had already picked them and it was her decision. That is just my personal opinion though.

Post # 10
3303 posts
Sugar bee

If this is a Bridesmaid or Best Man trip, then I would not invite her.

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