(Closed) Interesting thought about MIL/DH relationship

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

That is interesting. Before my Mother-In-Law passed away, her and Darling Husband didn’t ever talk on the phone. EVER. They just weren’t close. He talks to his dad via text message {ah old people and their technology} or email a couple of times a week though.

Post # 4
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Hmmm that is interesting. Have you asked him what they talk about? Did he live at home before you got married? Maybe one or both of them are both having trouble cutting the apron strings. I would talk to him about it.

Sorry I don’t have better advice! We talk to my Future Mother-In-Law about every other day or every couple days. By "we" I mean sometimes he talks to his mom (she calls him, he calls her) or sometimes she calls my phone to talk to me and I call her. Of course, I’ve got a pretty good relationship with her so it helps.

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yeeeeah, I can see how that would turn into meddling. At some point, you don’t want to feel like you’re competing for attention with a phone. I try not to chat on the phone while he’s around. Occassionally, yes but not all the time. I’d start to feel sorta neglected if a big chunk of our day was taken up by a phone call. I call my mom every day, but my husband lives far away, and I usually talk to her while I’m on my commute to work, since she’s on hers, too. As it is now, Darling Husband talks to his mom a couple times a week. He’s not chatty like that.

Edit: I should add that I also talk to my mom in the evening. I know it sounds like a lot, but my mom and I are like best friends and since my husband’s away, it’s nice to talk to her. I”ve been better about keeping up with her and my dad since my brother passed away. They live 5 hours away, too, so I dont’ see them often.

Post # 6
Member
2027 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I didn’t even realize people talked to their parents every day once they moved out! I’m close with my mom, but only talk to her about once a week, and he talks to his about the same, maybe less. I’m interested to see how often others talk to their mothers. That seems a bit extreme.

Post # 7
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

bree72-If my mom were still alive, we would probably talk at least once a day. We were pretty close. But I could see how that would get in the way of a marriage. Especially if it consistantly happens during "couple" time.

Post # 8
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

I always thought that a husband who goes home to visit his parents ALL THE TIME or calls his mom all the time was a problem… and I thought (since my husband was close with his mom before moving out) that he would be like that and it would be a problem. But thankfully, even though he works 5 min away from them, he barely goes to see them. It’s not like I don’t want him to have a good relationship with them, it’s just that you gotta have boundaries.

That said, I talk to my mom daily while I’m at work and once at night (sometimes), but I try to not talk often when I’m with my hubby. I wonder if the same goes for wives and their moms?

Post # 10
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My Future Mother-In-Law calls FH a lot. Not every day, but there were times (when she wasn’t working) that she would. She actually more calls us BOTH a lot. Like if I don’t pick up, she’ll call him and be like why didn’t KJ pick up!?!? She is just an overzealous drama queen. She will always be talking gossip, will tell us stuff we’re not supposed to know, or will make promises she can’t keep (like when she offered FH her new LG Dare since they were switching to AT&T… but actually they hadn’t discussed it and decided to stay with Verizon… but she can’t keep things to herself)

The thing though, is that it does annoy FH. He knows she just calls to talk bc she’s bored and loves to share drama. I think it’s when it’s a MUTUAL thing that it gets dangerous to the relationship.

Post # 11
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

Wow, that’s interesting.  I don’t think my husband talks to his mom once a month, unless there’s something major going on.  She’ll email him occasionally, but they rarely talk on the phone.  I do think I might feel like that was a little meddling if they talked that much.  I think it would bother me, although I don’t know how I’d deal with it.

Having said that, I talk to my mom probably 3-4 times a week, not every day, but close.  We’re just pretty close and talk a lot.  However, I usually talk to her at different times throughout the day (not cutting into time with my husband) and definitely don’t talk about all the intimate details of our marriage. 

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yeah I’d say intimate details are a definite no-no.

I think this is one of those things wehre there’s a doubel standard–women can talk to their moms more often than men can talk to their moms before they’re dubbed “momma’s boys”

Balletflat, I’m sure they just have to get used to the distance. My husband used to be like that until he moved away and it took a year or so before I saw him change. Now when he comes home he doesn’t get babied. It used to irritate me.

Give him some time…=]

Post # 13
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I talk to my mom at least once every day. Usually more like two or three. We’re losers. LOL These aren’t long phone calls, a question or just to tell her something I saw or big news{like Smith and Hawkins going out of business}. We’re close, but we drive each other nuts too. I’m the only child and she was single from the time I was a baby until I was 9. 

Post # 14
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

I usually talk to my mom once or so a day, but I wouldn’t say we are super close either. I guess it’s just a factor of her having my little brother and sister, who are a lot younger than me, still at home to take care of. Plus, my parents live close to me.

But being 20, she is still involved in my life, she likes to help me with school, especially picking out classes, etc. That is probably a perk/curse of being the first child old enough to go to college lol.

Post # 15
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

Oh, but I don’t think I would be cool with my fiance’s mom calling him multiple times a day. It just seems intrusive to me. But, my fiance and his parents aren’t close at all so I don’t forsee that being a problem in our future.

If you have a problem with how much you Mother-In-Law calls, maybe you should mention it to your husband. I think most guys in that situation don’t exactly enjoy their mom’s calling that much but put up with it because they don’t know there is another option, so offering up the opinion of “Hey it’s okay to tell your mom to back off” might be really helpful in getting her to back off a little by his own accord.

Post # 16
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

I agree with that.  Why does anyone need to call more than once a day?  My husband is away in the Navy and we talk once a day, unless we need to communicate about something else.  It’s a control thing…

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