Post # 1
So my Fiance and I recently had our first pre-marital counseling session with our officiant, and he said something really interesting that I wanted to share with the hive and to get your opinions on.
He said that the marriage isn’t really about us (the bride and groom). It’s really about the parents letting go of their children. Obviously it is still about us, but that it’s a really difficult time for parents, so that we should go easy on them if they seem a bit crazy right now.
I thought that was a really interesting perspective, and what he said stuck with me and gave me patience when my mom decided to change her chinese invitations 4 times and wasted 3 of my gocco screens for 15 invitations!! (I was trying SOO hard to conserve them!!) 🙂
What do you ladies think? I feel like as brides, we do get very caught up in the idea of celebrating the marriage itself, and I definitely never thought about the wedding in this manner.
Post # 3
My mom made it clear that the wedding was about her “allowing” my husband and I to get married. And she still hasn’t let go!
Sorry…a little bitter over here about it :o)
Post # 4
From my experience and observations..I feel like marriage is about the parents letting their sons go. It seems much harder for a mom to let her little boy go, than a mom to let her little girl go. Just my 2 cents.
Post # 5
I think my mom and dad are taking it much harder than his parents! Especially my dad. He’s been pretty funny insisting that his tuxedo doesn’t have tails (which he’s reminded me once a month for 16 months now), and has been bothering my cousin almost every day to translate his speech for the past 6 months.
Post # 6
You know my Fiance said something similiar to this. I didn’t want a big fancy wedding and he said you know, I think this is our chance to tell everyone thank you for their influence on our lives. I hadn’t thought of it in that way. So now when I look at the cost/time of something I think this is my way of saying thank you to aunt betty who take care of me as a tot.
Post # 7
Disagree.. As close as families are, no one really owns another person, even their children. If the ceremony was about letting go of your kids, you would do it when the person turns 18, and it’d be the mom desperately grabbing for their son in front of everyone, and not a couple exchanging their vows to each other. I think it’s respectful to keep your parents in mind for your ceremony, but it’s not about them.
Maybe your officiant is coming from a more cultural perspective. for me it doesn’t hold up, as much as I love our parents. 😛
Post # 8
I agree that this is often the case, which is why we are compromising on things we really didn’t want to, re: the guest list (it’s getting way bigger than we ever wanted, which means ix nay on one of the venues we wanted) and a church blessing (neither of us believes in God.)
The only reason we make these sacrifices is to show we care and are grateful for their support!
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant
Haha fi’s parents need to be locked in a room with your officiant…maybe a word or two of his will get through their heads! My parents are excited and handling everything wonderfully, but I totally agree with Marlew on this one. Fi’s parents are NOT handling anything about our relationship/marriage very well.
Post # 10
My officiant is caucasian, so I don’t think he said it as a cultural belief! Though I think his comment does explain my parents much more than his parents (who are also caucasian).
Post # 11
i think my parents will be sobbing messes on the day of my wedding. not that they dont love my hubby to be, but because for them, it truly is the day their “little girl” is growing up… to start a family of her own.
Post # 12
I disagree for the most part. I think we have to keep our parents & family in mind & be considerate of them, however I do not believe that a marriage or ceremony is about the parents in any way. We’re not even doing the mothers, unity candles, etc.
We absolutely keep them in mind and concede to certain things. If it were up to me I’d be barefoot on a beach somewhere in a white eyelet sundress but because of our parents we’ll be in full garb at a hotel ballroom. At the end of the day, Fiance & I will be married and that’s all that really matters to me. And I think that’s what it’s all about.
Post # 13
While I obviously see the significance in the day for parents, I definitely disagree that it is the main point. I could ‘leave’ my parents by moving out, etc.
While my parents are VERY involved in the planning of the day, and a large portions of our guests will really be their friends- I would be pretty offended if they tried to make it all about them. To me, my relationship with my future husband is quite separate from my relationship with my parents.
Post # 14
I think my parents see it more as this than his parents do.
Post # 15
For my family this is NOT the case! I have been living alone independently without my family for over 8 years. I have lived with my Fiance now for 4.5 years and we have owned a house for 2.5 years. When we moved in together we became a “family” and our parents knew this and respected this. However, we had both been totally independent from our families for 4 years at this time.
Our wedding really is a celebration of our union.
Post # 16
My Mama made it clear that it is our Marriage and their Party/Wedding. She has been saying that since we first got engaged and I think she is serious. LOL
I they are having a hard time with the fact that I may be moving away to a different state so I am not really being too hard on them.