(Closed) Interesting WP question my mom brought up…

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I think it really depends – if they can’t afford it then I would definitely try to find a way to help them out…but I don’t think it’s necessarily required.

Post # 18
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

That’s funny — I recently had an argument with my mother about this. My Mom feels that our relatives that are traveling and staying at the hotel – that their room rate should be paid for by my parents and that the cousins should only pay for what they charge to their room. She also thinks she’s responsible for entertaining them for the 2.5hrs between the church and the cocktail hour instead of being with the bridal party & taking picts, but that’s a whole ‘nother thread. LOL

Think of your own experiences – there was one point in 05-06 when we had 20 weddings in 18mos and btwn my fiance and I, we were in more than 1/2 of them – we’ve split rooms with other couples, siblings, etc. but no one ever paid our way for the hotels.

Post # 19
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Yeah, we’re not doing this, nor has it ever been done for me in the Out of Town weddings that I’ve attended or been in.


Post # 20
2680 posts
Sugar bee

We didnt pay for anyones rooms (MIL might have paid for a couple family members that couldnt afford it) but we did set up a room block for everyone.

Post # 21
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It’s nice, but not required. I was a bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding recently and since the wedding was Out of Town for everyone (remote town), everyone including the wedding party had to pay for their own hotel rooms. I think it’s nice if you can afford it, but a lot of times bridal party has to pay for their own. In your case since it’s only one person, depending on how much he/she had to already pay to be in the wedding (transportation costs, attire, hair/nails, etc) you may consider doing this if you can afford it.


Post # 22
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think it’s a nice gesture, but I’ve never really heard of it.  I think part of accepting to be in the Wedding Party is knowing that travel might be involved if you are Out of Town.  I’d try to make accommodations at someone’s house the attendant would feel comfortable with before going the hotel route… but I wouldn’t feel obligated to pay for it.

Post # 23
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I was recently in a wedding two hours away and her parents are extremely wealthy… probably 50,000 on food alone…. We were college roommates and they still try to pay my way for as much as they possibly can because they feel like my parents…. but I STILL had to pay for my hotel room….. I figured that it is part of being a bridesmaid. When you sign on you sign on with a price tag attached….. unfortunately….

Post # 24
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’d say it falls under the category of nice but not necessary. I wouldn’t expect someone to pay my hotel room… it is kind of part of what you agree to when you say “yes” to being an attendant. 

Post # 25
1440 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I was in an Out of Town wedding, the flight cost me $800 round trip. Me and another Bridesmaid or Best Man (who was from the States [it was in Alberta]) were put in the same room and the Bride paid for half of our room, which was nice, because it was at a Banff resort and so was SUPER pricy.

My bestfriend is getting married out of province in the Spring, because I am her Maid/Matron of Honor, her parents are going to pay for my flight. I’ll share a night with her for the nights I’m out there, until the wedding … what I’ll do the night of the wedding, I’m not sure yet (my Fiance likely won’t come, because it is an added expense when we are trying to save for our own, and he wouldn’t know anyone else). I’ll probably shack up with any of the Out of Town guests that I know, but we’ll see.

Post # 26
1813 posts
Buzzing bee

2x when I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man I got a room paid for, but one time it meant sharing a room w/ a girl I don’t like, hahaha, who is now married (then engaged) to my ex!

anywho, we didn’t pay for ours, but 2 were my sisters, one crashed on my couch, and the other lived in town (my SIL)

Post # 27
3282 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Gah, if you’re made out of money!  I offered to pay for my BM’s room that’s Out of Town since I was gonna stay with her the night before the wedding and she said she wanted to pay for it for us.  So, if you can, it’s great, but definitely something that should not be expected. =)

Post # 28
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

For my sister’s wedding last month, she got two adjoining rooms which slept four to a room only for the night before. The night of the wedding we all paid for all of our own rooms. If you can afford to do it, I say go for it – I’m sure she’ll appreciate. It’s a HUGE expense to be in a wedding

Post # 29
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’ve heard of the rule, but haven’t met anyone who has paid for room more than one or two guests who were especially important or had special situations. 

My FI’s family went so far as to arrange a hotel to give a large group of family members a cheap rate for his sister’s wedding, but they didn’t pay for anyone’s stay.  Since I have lots of family out of state (some of of country) I may well do the same thing.

Post # 30
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

We paid for hotel rooms (shared) for 4 Out of Town GMs and 2 Out of Town BMs, even though it was super-expensive. We’re really blessed to be in a comfortable financial situation, and our Out of Town people were mostly poor students/just getting started, so in our situation we felt like the right thing was to handle it ourselves and take as much strain off of them as possible. They paid for their own travel, some of them all the way across the country, and their apparel.

Post # 31
15 posts
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m going to have three bridesmaids, and two are from out of town, but I’m only specifically telling one of them (the one coming from PA to NC) that I’ll pay for her hotel.  The other of the two is my cousin, and we have a lot of family in the area, so it would make more sense for her to stay with her sister or someone.

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