Interfaith marriages

posted 1 month ago in Interfaith
Post # 16
Member
2895 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Is it really interfaith if you’re both Christian? 

my best friend is catholic and her husband was baptised Methodist but is an atheist. He decided early on that if he wanted to be with her he had to accept her faith. The children are raised catholic.

my husband is Church of England and I’m ‘culturally christian’ though I’ve never been baptised. When we dated I didn’t want my kids baptised as I felt they should chose their religion. When it came to it though, I saw that it was very important to him and his family that the kids were christened CoE. Tbh it was no longer a hill I wanted to die on so I agreed. To me it was a party and a chance to honour some friends via becoming god parents. 

sprinkling some water on their heads didn’t seem that big a deal. I’d have drawn the line at circumcising though so I couldn’t have got serious with anyone who wanted to mutilate their child for religious reasons. 

Post # 17
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

RunningBookworm :  If there is going to be a problem in an Interfaith marriage, it often is around the children. That is often when some people, who didn’t seem to care that much about faith, realize they want their children raised a certain way.

Post # 18
Member
8249 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Twizbe :  yes its still interfaith. If there weren’t differences there wouldn’t be separate churches. How much it matters depends on how strongly each person identifies with their particular church. My mom is catholic and my dad episcopal which are pretty darn close but there were some key differences that prevented my dad from making the switch. Until their divorce we were only brought to catholic church and Sunday school but my dad chose not to convert and only participated in certain parts of the mass.

Eta and the priest almost refused to baptize me because my father wasn’t catholic. He didn’t consider episcopal close enough until my mom threatened to baptize me herself at home lol. 

Post # 19
Member
2895 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

LilliV :  I didn’t know that, though it helps to explain why I’m not baptised. My grandparents were catholic, baptist, Methodist and Moravian. No church was going to be right for them lol.

Post # 20
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2020 - Concord, Ontario

I am Catholic and my fiancée is Jewish.  Right now we go to church and we also go to synagogue we alternate weeks and it works for us. We are getting married in a Catholic Church with both a priest and a Rabbi. We don’t have any children yet but our plan is to raise our children with both religions.

Post # 21
Member
608 posts
Busy bee

I think it depends a lot on how central your religion is to your life. I’m the product of an interfaith marriage (my mom is Anglican, my dad is Jewish) but neither one of them is particularly religious (I actually haven’t a clue if they are believers in god.) It worked because they were willing to make space for each others’ traditions (which was easier I think because they treated them as traditions and not as truth-tenets). My Dad cut down and decorated the Christmas tree and hid the Easter eggs and went to holiday services, My mom made Passover dinner and yom kippur fast-break and Hanukkah latkes. I went to a Jewish pre-school and an Episcopalian high school, was never religious, and was never really asked by them much about faith (but imbibed their love for all the holidays.) I think it would have been a lot harder if one of them was committed to an actual religious view according to which one of the others’ belief’s was importantly wrong. 

I’m sort of in an interfaith marriage now. My husband is Jewish and I’m…..well….the product of an interfaith marriage. So Christmas is important to me and I’m more familiar with Christian services. But it works again without much conflict at all because neither of us is super-religious nor are his parents. So we do all the holidays, and if we have children, we will repeat that for them. We talked about this a lot before getting married, and it helped that I made it clear to him that the Christian holidays (well, Christmas and Easter) are important to me and that I like to go all out for them. It felt weird to him, but, like my dad, he’s been all in on the ginger-bread house making and the tree-decorating. 

Post # 22
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

My SO is catholic and I’m Buddhist. He doesn’t really care much about religion, so we will get married in Protestantism Church because he doesn’t believe in marriage causes and says it’s too much drama for him. We will have also Buddhism ceremony. I occasionally talk about what religion our kids will be and we both agree to let them decide by themself. We will probably do Baptism for our kids but for confirmation, we will let them decide. 

Post # 24
Member
1618 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

I’m not in an interfaith marriage but my parents were. My mom was raised catholic and my dad an immigrant from a Muslim country. 

anyway turns out neither of them is religious so we kinda grew up in a nothing household, but with influences from both religions. Like we would celebrate Christmas and Eid (but without the fasting during ramadan😂).

all it did for me was teach me about two of the world’s major religions (guess what, they’re pretty similar as the Quran is based on the bible and Old Testament, they’re all abrahamic religions like Judaism). I live in an area with many Muslim families so I still kinda “fit in” with them even though I don’t follow the rules lol. 

Post # 25
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2021

Is there a specific concern you have when it comes to communion and baptism for the kids? It seems it’s important to him. Is there a reason it’s important for you to NOT do it? 

Post # 26
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

I’m an atheist and my husband is Lutheran, with a mom who was raised Catholic. He doesn’t attend church outside of Christmas and Easter, and day-to-day it doesn’t affect us at all. We run by the rule of not suppressing the others beliefs, which means he doesn’t force me to go to church and I don’t try and stop him. 

As for kids, I’m against baptizing so we’re going to teach our kids about his religion, other religions, and no religion, and let them decide what they want to do. If they want to go to church or be confirmed, we’ll support it, and same if they don’t want to. 

We also celebrate holidays together – mostly the commercial side of it.

I think working together as an interfaith couple is mostly about compromise, acceptance, and putting aside differences.

Post # 28
Member
8249 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

RunningBookworm :  lots of people revert back to religion when kids enter the mix so that doesn’t surprise me, but if you are against forcing children to do sacraments that they don’t choose then that might be a deal breaker for you. I’d remind him that these decisions don’t need to be made as children. Our daughter is baptized but she may very well choose to become a bat mitzvah. And that’d be great! But she doesn’t have to choose at 13 – a big thing we had to agree on as an interfaith couple was recognizing that without a default religion we have to leave our kids time and space to decide for themselves. Sure most kids do their bar/bat mitzvah at 13 but there is no rule against doing it when she’s older. 

Post # 29
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

A parent’s church attendance has no relevance on whether or not a Catholic should baptize his or her child. The sacrament of baptism erases the child’s original sin; it is done for the benefit of the child and has nothing to do with the parent. As for the First Holy Communion, it is the first time the child (or adult) receives Christ’s body and blood and becomes one with Jesus Christ. It is a parent’s responsibility to guide and raise his or her child with direction, values, etc., in the tenets of your faith, and obviously your fiance is trying to do what he believes is best for your (future) children. Once of legal age, your children obviously can choose to do whatever they want. I am reminded here of Proverbs 22:6 – Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it, and Mark 9:42 – But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it is better for him that a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea. 

Post # 30
Member
917 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

RunningBookworm :  I’m not in an interfaith marriage, but I am Catholic. I would be wary of him saying the children must take first communion and be confirmed. I think a more appropriate way would be to Baptist them and then bring them to Mass and services at your church, and if they want to participate in either more deeply you allow them to do so. I think a deeper conversation is warranted. You are right to be concerned. I won’t say he’s 100% wrong (though I 100% disagree with him) because many Catholics believe that responsible parenting includes taking your children through the sacraments, and that they choice comes when they leave your home, not before. But it does reveal a deep incompatibility between your worldviews. Don’t just brush it under the rug; this is very important to solidify before marriage and children happen. 

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