(Closed) Internal Timeline – Alternate Ending

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

I think its an interesting idea to propose to him, with a ring and all. I certainly wish you all the best!

I’m curious about 2 things: 1) Why does proposing to him = having to support him? Unless there’s been a discussion of wanting a SAHP, I don’t see the relation. 2) Timelines change and perhaps he just blurted out a long timeline because he wasn’t seriously thinking. But worst case scenario, if he really is not ready by time X, and verbally expressed that to you, do you think proposing will change his heart?

Post # 5
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Good for you- and good luck! Welcome to the site.

Post # 6
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@LadyTegan:

I like your attitude! You and he can come up with a compromised timeline that’s in the middle of your ideal timeline and his ideal one, you know. Have you actually talked to him that you hope that’s it’s closer? I couldn’t tell if you did this or not because you say “internal”…

My bf and I came up with our agreed upon timeline after ME expressing what my ideal is, HIS putting his major thoughts into it, and letting each other know. If I didn’t ask in the first place or if I didn’t push him to think about it, it may have taken way more than I was willing to wait for anything.

 

Post # 7
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think that you should discuss your timeline with him as well. I don’t think you need to give him a deadline or anything like that, but just discuss with him what you’d be more comfortable with and see what his reaction is. If it’s something that he doesn’t seem to want to compromise on (first of all, not a good sign if your partner won’t compromise!), then I think that you proposing would be perfectly fine. I don’t think you need to support him if you propose…that seems a little weird since y’all should probably be a team. As far as what kind of ring…do what we tell the guys. What kind of jewelry does he normally wear? (if none then maybe look to his friends or family members…what is their style?) Think about what kind of wedding band you’d like as well (if you want to match). Best of Luck!

Post # 9
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

@LadyTegan:  I’m just curious.  Will proposing to him actually speed up the wedding process? 

I don’t know your SO, but don’t you think that he wants to have his moment to propose to you?  Most guys pride themselves on creating a wonderfully romantic surprise to propose.  Do you really want to rob him of that?

Perhaps you should try reasoning through both timelines and try to sort things out from there?

Post # 11
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@LadyTegan:  I love your desire to be self sufficient before feeling you’d be ready to get married.  I think that’s awesome.  I DO caution you about proposing to him, as many have on similar posts on the Bee, simply because it’s such a time-honored male thing, and many guys A) feel you’re pushing them too fast if you do it B) feel they got cheated out of doing it for you or making up their own minds about it. Men get picked on a lot more han women about having “non-masculine” tings happen to them, and guy friends/relatives could rib him endlessley if you seem to be “wearing the pants” if he goes along with you proposing, even if he follows up later.

Also, you proposing to him at the end of your deadine, unless you’re willing to hear him say, “No, not yet/not right now,” will possibly come across as an ultimatum – Marry me or I leave.  Again, this can make the guy feel he never got to choose or pressured in a way you don’t want to hear about 2 years after the wedding during some fight about who left out the cheese on the kitchen counter.

Good luck whatever you choose, for now, just try to be patient abd be happy you’re together.  🙂

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