(Closed) Interracial Wedding (plz help)

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Booze helps a lot with those sorts of things : )  I would just make an effort to have the families get together a few times before the wedding (Christening for the baby.. cookout at your house, etc).  That way they will be more comfortable with each other by the time the wedding comes along.  And either way, they don’t have to be best friends, they just have to be cordial to each other, most people at a wedding stick with the people they already know anyway.

Post # 4
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

alcohol 🙂 and plus, no matter what color they were if they havent met before it will be awkward. possibly plan a few casual events where yall can get together over dinner, bbq, go-kart racing – ANYTHING. Yall know your families so you know what the potential “problems” will be and who might be good facilitiators for the families to get together.

but I feel your pain. im black and my FH is white – our families are very different (ie. my parents are a bit more “refined” and conservative while FH’s family is laid back and very “whatever”)

find a common ground for them (like for my families, law enforcement is the common theme – doesnt matter what color you are if you bleed blue!)

it helps. also find out what they DONT agree on so you know what you can avoid.  (i.e. politics are never good things to start talking about…)

Post # 6
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

Alcohol could potentially make things worse…I’m just saying…

Post # 7
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with beekiss. Alcohol could make things worst. Having different events before the wedding might work as well but if you still see that they are not mingling the way you would like them too maybe having a seating chart will make things better.

Post # 8
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would get together with your bridesmaids and his groomsmen so that they all know each other especially if family is mingled in there. Get the immediate families together at a small function. SOmething small so they get to know each other on a more intimate level in a time that they have a chance to talk. Once people at the wedding see the mixing of your family and his, hoepfully they will join in too?

Post # 9
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

I wonder if things are more awkward because you expect them to be so? I noticed in your post you refer to your FH’s family as a little “ghetto.” Even if your FH uses that term himself, it’s not exactly positive. Are you worried about what your parents think of him? Or vice versa?

I think everything hinges on your relationship wiith your FH. No matter their awkwardness, if they can look at you two and say, “Wow, they look so happy and sure of things” that will help quite a bit. This is especially true if either of your families are the least bit apprehensive.

Post # 10
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m in an interracial relationship as well (I’m black, Fiance is white).  In my experiences, a lot of awkwardness comes from shame (like you feeling that his family is a “little ghetto”) but if you two make it a point to seem comforatable and accepting, your families will follow. Additionally, don’t be too quick to judge his family for their cultural differences and expect your family not to do the exact same thing. Remember that you two were raised in different households and different families, thus some things his family does may be unconventional to you but probably don’t seem “ghetto” to them.

I think that its important to find common ground whenever you meet new people. You have to look past the obvious color differences to find similarities in people’s lives. That can be anything from wedding planning to their new niece/nephew/grandchild. It will also help if you and your Fiance can be the bridge that connects the two families…you two can start up convos of things that you know both families should be interested in. I hope this helps and good luck!

Post # 13
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I find that the way you act influences how others act. If you and your Fiance act casual and inclusive and not awkward, your families will eventually follow. They’ll go by your examples.

Post # 14
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

I think your and your FI’s openness will help a lot.  If they feel awkward with each other it’s because they haven’t gotten to “know” them.  The suggestions about family gatherings are key.  Start with the parents–maybe have them for a bbq and ask them what traditions they would like their grandchild to celebrate.  Sharing family traditions bring family together and blended families can bring a richness that is really precious!  If you start with the parents and then bring in other family members, that is the best way.  I can imagine they all want to support you and will do what they can to bring it together.

Congratulations on the birth of your child and best wishes as you plan your wedding.

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