Interracial Wedding

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
1240 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

I don’t think there’s much more you can do other than encourage people to mingle, and possibly mix up the seating plan for your meal, if you’re having a formal one.

People will tend to gravitate towards the people they know, so you tend to get little clusters of family members together. I’ve been to a couple of mixed race weddings, and I honestly can’t remember who was sitting with who or chatting with who . I think you’re probably feeling extra worried because of your grandmother’s attitude, but I would imagine most of your guests won’t think that way, and won’t notice who is mingling with who.

It’ll be a beautiful day, and I’m sure it won’t look segregated.

Post # 3
Member
560 posts
Busy bee

i honestly don’t remember noticing this at all at a mixed race wedding!  i wouldn’t stress about it too much.  i would just make sure tables are mixed up at the reception (i.e. not all grooms guests on one side of the room and brides on the other) and that you don’t do brides/grooms sides at the ceremony.

Post # 5
Member
3422 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
hanco14 :  Your wedding has 4oo+ guests and you’re assigning tables to just your families? Please don’t do that. At least assign tables to all the guests.

Post # 7
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee

Please assign tables. It creates tons of issues if you don’t.

Post # 8
Member
795 posts
Busy bee

As a white woman married to a black man… any family member who would make racist/ignorant comments would not be welcome at my wedding. You need to draw a hard line. Dont let your family abuse him because they are old/set in their ways. That is not ok.

You seem very uncomfortable yourself and I would encourage you to do some soul searching. Read books, attend cultural events, confront your own racist thoughts (every person has them) and challenge yourself to see him as a human man first instead of a “black man”. He’s just a human being and maybe Im misreading things but you dont seem totally accepting when you still see him as “other” and your wedding as taboo.

We had an “interacial” wedding I guess, but I never thought of it that way. And I live in a red midwest state, so not some pinnacale of progressive values.

Post # 9
Member
3422 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
hanco14 :  You don’t have to assign a seat; just assign a table…

Post # 12
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee

Couples/families with kids end up getting split up. People drag over chairs and create overcrowded tables, which is a nightmare for servers. Couples are left sitting at a table all alone because people dragged chairs elsewhere. Singles get stuck with your weird Aunt Millie and no one else they know or would have fun with. It’s just a disaster and really unfair to your guests.

Post # 13
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

Hi bee.  My wedding is in May so i can’t say 100%, but my guess is, especially with that many people on the guest list, is that you won’t even really noticed whether or not it’s segregated.  And, color shouldn’t matter in this sense anyways because in reality at weddings people are going to talk to people that they know, creating clusters of family members/friends.  This would be the same at a same-race wedding, like another bee had said.

With all of the small details and excitement of wedding planning, i really don’t think this is what you should be worrying about.  You know your grandmother and her thoughts, but you said she is nice to your fiance so i cannot imagine that she would make a scene at your wedding with his family.  Don’t worry about what other people think or say bee, i know it’s easier said than done, but you’ve gotten this far with your fiance so hold your head up and have the best day ever.

Post # 15
Member
7352 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m curious what you mean when you say there are a handful of people in his family “who are the same way.” Statistically speaking, white people are the most segregated group in the US because they are the only group who can go through life and have entire swaths of places where they only ever see or interact with other people who look like them. Every other ethnic group in the country has to navigate their days encountering white people at some point in time. 

I agree with the PP who said that you need to be sure, as a white woman, that you are constantly examining your own thinking and behaviors – otherwise, you may find yourself unintentionally tokenizing or othering your husband, your children or your in laws. Several of my friends and loved ones are mixed race and some of the ignorant shit their white parents/relatives have said and done to and in front of them should have been considered abuse and dealt with accordingly.

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