(Closed) Intimacy Before Marriage?

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Thorpewood

I definitely didn’t wait until marriage for sex, so you might want to take my opinion wiht a grain of salt. 

But, that being said, I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong.  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with lusting after the person you’re in love with and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with touching.  You’re abstaining from the things that could really be considered “real” sex.  I don’t think there’s anything to feel guilty about!

Post # 4
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

None of us can tell you what you’re doing is wrong. You can only make that choice for you. 

Depending on your christian beliefs, kissing before marriage isn’t permitted, but lets be honest, everyone I know has done that, even my very strict born again friends.

Post # 5
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@ccaaseyy:my Fiance and i are waiting NOW…we didnt at the beginning or our relationship. i think it is natural to want some kind of phyical satisfaction from the man you love! dont feel guilty!!!

Post # 7
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

First of all, I’m not sure how comfortable I am with your argument with “I used to feel very guilty about this, but then slowly I began to decide that it was natural for my body to want this, and it wasn’t a sin to want it, I just had to make sure it didn’t become the focus of our relationship” from a Christian standpoint on its own. Sexual drive is a natural feeling, that does mean all expressions are appropriate in all situations. You’ve stated that you believe sex should be saved for marriage.

I would definitely talk to a mature Christian that you trust, in person, about what they believe is appropriate outside of marriage (needless to say marriage allows for a larger range within the couple).

 

My husband and I had decided long before we started dating or even met to wait for marriage. It wasn’t easy but we did wait. Our clothes stayed on and we feel without any guilt about our behavior because we held ourselves to a higher standard.

 

**edit** I realize this is coming across a slightly preachy, that’s not my intent. I just want to be clear about my position on this

Post # 8
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

From a Christian perspective abstaining from all intimate “actings” would be the way to go… even letting ones thought life go off is less than we’re called to… BUT we do all want & like those things, so it’s not like it’s easy to refrain.

I can say from experience (both sides: waiting/not waiting) that giving that entire part of you to God until that Big Day is VERY VERY rewarding and sooooooooooooooooo worth it.

I was already married before re-marrying Darling Husband and I didn’t wait the first time around… with Darling Husband we slipped and really struggled waiting b/c well once you start it’s really easy to “step it up” and then really hard to stop… BUT we did and we are both SO glad that we did. We both stand that our level of intimacy now is much different than it was when we were doing things AND much more than if we didn’t give that back to God.

Knowing what I know of both sides of the equations and being a Christian, I would pray wtih your FH and submit that back to God.. He is so faithful to see and know our sacrifcies & struggles and he honors & rewards those things.

Either way.. it’s something that you two have to ultimately decided, establish, and live out so talking it out and getting on the same page is vital. You can pm me anytime if you want to know more about my personal experience. Goodluck

Post # 9
Member
3068 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Darling Husband and I waited until married. And we were together 5.5 years by the time we got married. You are going to have those urges but we knew we wanted to wait so we did. Only you will know what you want.

Post # 10
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@runsyellowlites: I agree.

God made our bodies and yes we desire each other -its totally natural! , but he created guidelines in which you can enjoy it…which is marriage!

My body tells me eating high fat, processed foods is good and rewarding, but does it mean I should be eating it? Probably under certain contexts its okay to have it, but like I said there are boundaries and limitations to it.

You will need to create better boundaries, so you don’t go too far down a road you didn’t really want to. Pray with your SO and keep the faith!

Post # 11
Member
40 posts
Newbee

My bf and I are both christians however I must mention we did have a dark time. Since then we have had a serious talk where we decided no more sex, no more playing around, no more groping, and no more kissing for too long and cuddling. It is so hard because I have self esteem issues and I want to rip his clothes off! I tempt him sometimes but he always tells me no. Even to cuddling. It breaks my heart every time but let me tell you something from personal experience, groping, kissing, touching, playing, it all leads to the same thing. I know its hard trust me. But you really need to make sure you realize what that leads to. And also remember that if doing those things give you negative thoughts or day dreams, its as big of a sin as actually doing it.

I think I just preached to myself there…

Post # 12
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t personally think that what you are doing now is wrong.

 

Keep in mind that back in the day, women married a LOT younger. And there was no such thing as “engagement” as we know it today. At most points in history, if you were “betrothed”, you were free to consummate. Also, it’s my understanding that if a woman went to live with a man, he was her husband (but I haven’t seen this clearly explained in what I’ve read, so please research further if you care about the veracity of this claim.)

Also keep in mind that back then, people weren’t constantly inundated with sexual imagery at every turn.

While I definitely don’t think you should have penetrative sex, please try to understand that the challenges to purity facing couples today are a lot stronger than they were when the Bible was written. I am not saying this as carte blanche to continue doing what you’re doing, because it seems as though you are feeling guilty about it, and it’s my opinion that if you feel guilty about something sexual, you shouldn’t do it (you really don’t want to get into that pattern, because attitudes like that tend to stay with people a lot more than they think that they will.) But I don’t think you need to hold it against yourself that you’ve already done it. If you’re a Protestant, being hard on yourself and subjecting yourself to some sort of misguided mental penance isn’t going to make the sin go away, if indeed there was sin taking place. You’re stuck with it. Pray for forgiveness, commit to not go any further, and try to limit your temptations, because it’s always easier to say no in public/with clothes on/around other people than it is alone in the heat of the moment.

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