Post # 1
My SO is amazing, really. We have been together about 4 years, and he was my first (and only) sexual partner.
I noticed that sex was painful for me when I lost my virginity, but I thought it was normal. I still had a sex drive, and so I pushed through the pain. I know that he would try to be gentle, but it didn’t seem to make it better.
Long story short, I was diagnosed with endometriosis and started taking birth control to suppress the pain and problems that are associated with it.
Since starting birth control 2 years ago, I have A.) no sex drive, and B.) still some pain/cramping during and after intercourse.
I don’t enjoy sex at all, and honestly, I would be fine without it completely.
My SO is so unbelievably understanding, and he does everything he possibly can to make it better, but I know he wishes we were intimate more often. I wish this too (mostly for his sake!), but I just don’t have the drive, and the thought of the pain is just off puting.
He has made comments (usually he acts like he’s joking) saying that I don’t find him attractive any more. This couldn’t be further from the truth, but he thinks that because of the lack of sex! I try to tell him, and while I know he understands, it still hurts him.
Anybody out there who also has pain with sex? What do you do?
How to spice up sex life when you have no drive from the birth control?
Just looking to make him know how appreciated and attractive he is, despite the problems I have with myself.
Post # 2
Talk to your doctor and change your pills. Different pills have different hormones, and they can negatively affect your sex drive. When you are switching, you’ll probably want to use a second form of BC, (condom), to prevent pregnancy.
Post # 3
I would talk to your doctor, there might be other options other than the pill for birth control that will also ease up your symptoms. I would try to fix the “pain” issue first, then hope the rest fixes itself.
sorry I’m not more help, but I know a few women with endometriosis and they tell me how awful the pain can be 🙁
Post # 4
Are you getting lubricated enough? You might try using lube after plenty of foreplay and see if that helps with the pain at all.
Its hard to be in the mood when it hurts every time you do it! I think if you can fix the pain you’ll find you enjoy it more.
Were you your partners first as well? Part of the problem could also be that maybe he just isn’t very good yet if he hasn’t had a lot of experience + the pain.
Post # 5
Oh my gosh I so completely understand where you’re coming from. The end result from my battle with endo was a total hysterectomy. I was on hormone therapy until our insurance decided to get screwy and charge an obscene amount of money for prescriptions. (Sorry, just realized all that was totally irrelevant) I think you should talk to your GYN and ask about a low dose of testosterone. There are creams you can use topically and there are patches you can wear on your body. It’s all up to your doctor. The thing about endo is that it feeds off of estrogen so it’s a tricky balance and frustrating to find it. You can also increase your level of zinc, as that is correlated with low T. Good luck and feel free to message me if you wantbto talk further.
Post # 7
Hi Hanna, I have also had and still have painful, uncomfortable intercourse with my husband. We just got married in June, but have been together going on 5 years, so you would think it wouldn’t hurt me by now. There are very rare occasions where it will almost not hurt, and usually it’s when I’m super relaxed and we are also using lubricant. I have been on birth control pills since I was 16 and I’m 26 now, so hormones may have something to do with my pain. I also have hypothyroidism and though I take medication for it, I still have some of the symptoms. I’m stressed a lot and have mild anxiety, so it is hard for me to really unwind and relax sometimes. Also, my husband isn’t exactly small down there whilst I’m a very small woman. I’ve been to the doctor about it, because I also spot bleed after intercourse a lot. One time I was bleeding all over the place, he hit my cervix really hard and it was dark in the room, so when we turned the lights on and saw all the blood on the bed and running down my legs we were freaking out. I had a vaginal ultrasound done and the doctor didn’t find anything. They said it was a side effect of birth control pills, the bleeding after intercourse. The only thing I know to do is try to let myself relax more and if it starts hurting or gets too bad, tell him to he more gentle or stop. It does get frustrating for me because we usually can’t do it more than once in a row because I’m so sore. There have been a few times where we have one day and then again the next morning and it hurt pretty bad. I still don’t know the root cause of my pain and my doctor can’t seem to understand either, but I hope you can find a solution. Pain during intercourse is not a fun thing to deal with.
Post # 8
There are supplements that would increase your sex drive, (Im not on birth control) but I take maca root to help increase my appetite, it also increases your sex drive, helps with lubrication, Losing your sex drive and becoming more ‘dry’ is actually a pretty normal side affect to bc. Another option, maybe dress up and give him a show – Let him get off to you and help him out (no penetration required)
Post # 9
My story is I’ve been on birth control since 15 (for other reasons) and now 26. my husband has been my only sexual partner but we haven’t even had successful intercourse because of the pain of entering. it darn near makes me pass out or throw up. other smaller objects are fine but he is not small by any means. we have found other ways to fulfill our sex drive and be intimate but sex is still vital in any marriage. I finally went to a sex psychologist to deal with the mental effects of anxiety, disappointment, and the general hesitation I have in talking about anything sex related. She referred me to a physical therapy clinic that deals with pelviv floor function. I can not begin to tell you how much I have learned. During my initial exam they found my pelvic floor muscles that surround the vagina were in severe tension therefore not allowing the vagina to function as it should during arousal. They worked on massaging my abdomen, inner thighs, pelvic floor muscles and back. They’ve had me do yoga and relaxation breathing every day. And exercises to work on being able to control my pelvic floor muscles. It has made a world of difference. Most women don’t know the effects that stress can have on their body physically. You can tell yourself to relax all you want but some problems are more deeply rooted and need professional help. I thought I was relaxed and dealing with stress well until I found out what it is truly like to relax. Muscle tension was the norm for me. There’s no way I would have been able to do this on my own. Hope that helps! I’m trying to spread the word that painful sex is not something that should be put up with. There are answers and you’re not alone in this journey!
Post # 10
I would talk to your Dr. about non-hormonal BC. (I have endo as well and had a laparascopic procedue to remove it though it will grow back). I am on an IUD now and experience MUCH LESS cramping. I also have prescription pain meds for that time of month if I need them. As far as intimacy goes, I was right there with you. There are lubrications out there that have lidocaine (a lot of them are meant for “anal” but the numbing factor is extrenely helpful for regular sex if you struggle with pain. Just an FYI worth trying if you hadn’t considered it before.