(Closed) Intimate Destination Wedding with a Large Reception the next Week?

posted 5 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 2
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
misslex :  No as long as you make it clear on the invitation that it is a celebration and viewing party of what you did the week prior. If I wasn’t immediate family I wouldn’t be offended.

Post # 3
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

As long as I wasn’t immediate family I wouldn’t feel offended. Go for it!

Post # 4
Member
6607 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’d know for sure I was a b-list friend. Not sure if/how that would affect the friendship though.

Post # 5
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee

Definitely wouldn’t call it a shower, that would imply gifts. I guess I would be confused – you are inviting 50-60 people to the wedding/reception, which isn’t really intimate at all, and then the rest of the people get to come later to look at photos? Why not just have the 50-60 person event be the entire wedding? Or get married at the courthouse and then have the bigger reception be the entire thing? 

Post # 6
Member
713 posts
Busy bee

Look, I understand that some people want smaller weddings for various reasons, and hopefully your friends and family do too. The wedding is about YOU and your future husband and no one else, and it’s not their place to judge. I wouldn’t have a problem with going to one of these parties if a friend or family member threw one; it’s a nice excuse to go hang out.

If you’re worried, I wouldn’t call it a “wedding shower,” just a celebration, because a shower is for gifts and people might get cranky about being asked to bring a gift if they didn’t go to the actual wedding. Calling it a celebration or something similar automatically doesn’t imply that they need to bring a gift and that might help a bit.

Post # 7
Member
1354 posts
Bumble bee

Well, I would feel left out because you are leaving people out. But, I would also be understanding that the couple wouldn’t want a big wedding. To be honest, my husband and I declined to attend the few B list parties after destination/intimate weddings we were invited to, but we also weren’t very close with the hosts.

Post # 8
Member
3045 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

Usually I would say its your wedding so have it the way you want but in this case I can’t. You want to bring 50-60 people to the courthouse…thats a bit odd and seems like a very large amount for a courthouse ceremony but ok. Then these 50-60 people are invited to your cocktail hour and reception. But a few weeks later you want to invite all family and friends which would be like 175 total based on your combined guest lists? Or is it you’re only inviting the leftovers that didn’t get a ceremony/reception invite? If it were me I’d likely decline. You had your ceremony with family and guests, reception with the same and a separate party doesn’t seem necessary. You could share photos and video on social media with them if thats the only purpose. Definitely make it clear that its a party not a wedding celebration so people dont feel obligated to bring gifts. 

Post # 9
Member
2979 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Call it a celebration of marriage after. Though I don’t see how that is any cheaper, since you’ll be invinting MORE people and still paying to feed and bev them.

Post # 10
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I actually think it’s kind of obnoxious to share photos of your wedding at post-wedding reception.  It’s rubbing in their faces that they weren’t invited to the official wedding.  I know a few couples that did that, and I always thought it was poor taste.  I was invited to both the wedding and post-wedding reception, but still thought it was offensive to the b-list people.   Especially, in your case, OP, because it doesn’t sound like SB is a destination wedding for you.  It’s probably a few hours away from your hometown where you’re hosting your “wedding shower”.   I also echo PP’s suggestion that just have a courthouse wedding with just you two of you and then have the reception with everyone back at home. 

Post # 12
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

If it’s family only, then no, I wouldn’t feel left out. But if you are inviting some friends & not others, then yes I would. So be careful there.

PS: I looked into getting married at the Santa Barbara courthouse-loved it!!!!

 

Post # 14
Member
9986 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I love wedding ceremonies, so I would feel a little left out.  But, at the same time, I’d understand if you truly had it very small with only immediate family. 

Post # 15
Member
3045 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

View original reply
misslex :  Thank you for the courthouse details, makes sense now. I’m actually not against B lists personally but I can see why some look at it this way based on your initial description. What I now don’t understand is if you already know that the extended family would be understanding and perfectly fine with an invite to this after party but not the ceremony/reception then why did you need advice on the matter? If you know they’ll be fine with it then I’m not sure what other answers you need. 

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