(Closed) Intimate surprise wedding

posted 4 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
11482 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

At first glance, this sounds like a very fun idea and a great way to handle some issues the way that you and your FH want to handle them. I think it definitely could work. However, I can forsee some potential downsides to your plan:

Will you be able to get both sets of parents (and your other six guests) to agree on a date to meet you for dinner. What if you can’t find a date that works for all?

What if one or more of the people you want to be there decides to cancel at the last minute due to other issues (not feeling well and just not wanting to make the effort or if something comes up at work), since they think they’ll only be missing out on a dinner (and not their child’s/loved one’s wedding)?

What about your siblings? Are they among the other six guests? (I’m presuming so, based on what you mentioned about your temptation to tell your sister.) If not, will they be crushed they also were not invited?

As for walking to several different places, two, ten-minute walks doesn’t sound that difficult for those who are young and healthy and in good shape, but are all of your parents and other guests able to do this easily? Will they have on shoes that will be fit for walking? What if it rains — could all of you drive to the other locations?

Finally, will any of the parents (or other guests) be upset that she or he didn’t wear something more appropriate or flattering for your wedding photos?

Those are the issues that come to mind for me.

Post # 4
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Enoch Turner Schoolhouse

I thnk this idea is so lovely!  congrats and I’m very excited for you!  small and intimate weddings are the best!!!  PLUS you get to save all that money for a house!  So smart!

Post # 5
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

This sounds like a good idea! Back before we even got engaged my fiance and I said it would be fun and exciting to do a surprise wedding and you just reminded me! We might have to revisit that as an option because the formalities and planning are getting to us bigtime. I think in your case this will work out awesomely and hopefully it’ll be a good surprise!

Post # 7
Member
11482 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

View original reply
nlovesm:  It sounds as if you pretty much have all of your bases covered. Good for you! I hope all goes very well! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
1624 posts
Bumble bee

So why can’t you and your Fiance stand up to family’s opinions about your wedding instead of deliberately misleading them and telling half truths? Hosting an intimate gathering and saving money for house and travel makes perfect sense. While it may be disappointing to your family, they will at least have time to deal with their hurt instead of trying to hide it when you walk out in a wedding dress with a photographer present.

How I would style my hair and make up and chose my clothes would be very different if I knew I was attending my sister’s wedding vs a meet up with his parents-evn if I knew pictures were planned. It seems a bit controlling (?) that you will deny that privilege to your guests, but are purchasing a special dress for yourself.

You know your family best, and ultimately it is your decision, but I would hate if my sister did this to me

Post # 11
Member
3226 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry, but i have to agree with PP on not truly liking this idea.  Besides the elements that she mentions regarding makeup/clothes/hair (and the fact that you seem low-key on those doesn’t mean that the rest of your guests are), I think you are missing a very important point: it is one thing to “prepare” mentally to meet the other family, and a totally different thing to all of a sudden be in a wedding.  It does seem abrupt.  It wouldn’t be so bad if they already knew and were already comfortable with each other. You are placing a lot of importance on your being relaxed; your parents (and his parents) deserve the same courtesy.

Post # 12
Member
1745 posts
Bumble bee

I think this sounds great and would love to someday turn around and see my friend dressed as a bride.  I would hope that my family/friends close enough to be invited would be happier for me that I had the small, no planning drama, relaxed event that I wanted,  rather than others being overly concerned about matching nail polish on un-recently manicured hands. 

Please let us know how this goes.  

Post # 14
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
nlovesm :  I’m SO curious to know how this turned out!! I haven’t been able to post anything about my wedding plans on the Bee because the haters are so strong :(( I’m struggling to get ideas on timelines and logistics.

I do want to just say that people planning their wedding the way they want isn’t “doing that to this to their sister” or “deceiving their family” — what a selfish persepctive on someone else’s big day. I’m sorry people were so condescending to you as you planned!!

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