(Closed) intimate wedding etiquette

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If people ask, all you need to say is that you want to keep the wedding small and intimate, close friends and family members only.

Of course everyone loves a wedding, but we cannot accommodate every Tom, Dick, and Harry we meet at the library.  Your guest list is 100% up to you (and to parents if they are contributing.)  Don’t feel obligated to invite someone just because you don’t want to hurt their feelings, or just because you were invited to their wedding. 

Post # 4
765 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

In that situation (something we considered as well), you just politely say we want an intimate wedding with just our immediate family and best friends. 

Some will give you trouble and then you just explain why you are choosing to have thesmall wedding and tell them; we would love to grab lunch or dinner with you to celebrate after. 

Check intimateweddings.com it’s an amazing resource. 

Post # 5
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Depending on who is already issuing the “self-invites” you may need to deal with the situation differently.

If you’re hearing this from a third cousin twice removed who you’ve met at exactly two family reunions (and one of them was when you were 12, and you distinctly remember this cousin locking you in a linen closet for 3 hours!)… then you start the family rumor mill up.  Sometimes gossipy families can work to your advantage!  Start with your parents and/or grandparents and explain your desire for a small wedding.  Then wait for them to tell a chatty aunt/uncle/sister or two… (you might need to nudge them to tell).  Soon word should get around that you’re not having a giant shin-dig… so far flung and distant realtives might not need to book flights and hotel rooms.

If it’s long-lost grade school buddies coming out of the wood work to sniff out the open bar and mini-pigs-in-a-blanket then you can be a little more direct with them.  “Oh Jane, thanks for your well wishes.  Right now Mr. braz and I are leaning towards a small and intimate celebration.  We think our guest list is going to be mostly family.  We’re pretty excited about just being engaged and haven’t done much planning yet though.”  –  That’s vague and general: they can’t ask questions about something you haven’t planned! – but it does start wheels turning and prepping people for the idea that you might not be hosting a party for half the town.

Post # 7
3303 posts
Sugar bee

I would ignore them for now as the wedding is 2.5 years away. As you get closer and start to form your invite list, then prepare the response of “small and intimate”

Post # 8
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I agree with UmbrellaMoon.


The sooner you condition the people not to expect an invitation, the better. Since it’s so far out, you might even tell most distant people and associates that you’re thinking an intimate wedding, maybe even a destination cruise wedding, but you’re not sure. Blame it on the FH. Say he really wants an intimate wedding, and it’s hard to even convince him that your best friend should come. Then, he can use you as an excuse the same way.

That will give people that you aren’t close to the impression that they ought not expect an inviation, but you can tell them you’d be grateful if they attend the engagement party of a bridal shower. Then just play your plans close to the vest, letting only those who need to know in on them.

Up until your invites go out, when people ask, just be like, “you know, this is so overwhelming, I might just grab FH and run to the courthouse, so do not be surprised to hear we suddenly are just hitched! Ha….ha…” Be sure to follow up with the chuckle. It takes the sting out of what you say.


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