(Closed) Intimate Wedding=Big Headache

posted 6 years ago in Logistics
  • poll: Is "immediate family only" exceptable if non-immediates are invited?
    Yes, you should only invite people you want there and are close too. : (55 votes)
    76 %
    No, it is rude to exclude relatives but invite friends or to exclude some relatives but not all. : (8 votes)
    11 %
    Only if extremely close friends, relatives or coworkers, i.e. business partner, you were their MOH. : (5 votes)
    7 %
    other (please explain, if possible) : (4 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @1920cottagegirl:  I’ve seen people say they are having an “intimate, immediate family only” wedding because of the venue capacity.

    Post # 5
    Member
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m not sure. I like rules and so I would try to invite all cousins or exclude all of them ect. Its tricky to invite only some of them without hurting feelings. I would make sure to come back and bump the post tomorrow when more bees are online.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2416 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I agree with the above post…make a “rule” and stick to it…it’s hard to include one set of aunt/uncle when you are discluding the rest. Your best bet would be to keep it at least to immediate family and best friends and you can cite that only immediate family is invited…but at the end of the day, do what you want to do…and just explain it to people the way you explain it to us.

    Post # 7
    Member
    8430 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I wouldn’t call it intimate family only- I would just say small/intimate wedding if anyone asks. If anyone pushes just explain how you have only wanted a small 20 person wedding. I am sure everyone will understand.

    But I agree with other posters about taking peoples feeling into consideration when deciding who to invite especially when only inviting certain extended family members.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1093 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I think with a wedding that tiny, you’re ok with inviting whoever you want, pretty much.  I mean, 20 people is not a lot.

    It’s when people start trying to call a 100-person event a “small intimate wedding” that they run into trouble, IMO.  20 people is legitimately a small, intimate affair.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5371 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

    @pinkfrog:  I agree with this. I think because it’s actually really small people will be more understanding if you’re only inviting certain people. I would just say it was a small/intimate wedding though, not an immediate family only since that’s not completely true. Invite everyone you want there and just explain the situation to the rest (:

    I’m in a similar boat, we don’t want a lot of people but have lots of extended family that we feel we should invite because we see them every five years at family reunions 🙁

    Post # 10
    Member
    491 posts
    Helper bee

    I think my only issue is inviting one aunt and uncle and excluding the rest.  But since it will be so small hopefully no one will feel too left out. I think if there are relavives who you are really concernded will be upset, I’d make a phone call to explain – or have your mother do it. Let them know that there will only be a handful of people so they don’t think they were randomly left out for for some other reason. 

     

    In the end, it’s your day and you should do what makes you and your Fiance happy. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1269 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I would be honest and let them know you only want a 20 person wedding. I agree that you probably shouldn’t include “family” only if you’re inviting some friends but not some family. If you’re somewhat close to people you may not want on the day itself maybe have a casual dinner or bbq at some point (or multiple ones with different groups) to celebrate separately. I understand your dillema, I want maybe 30 guests and there are even some family members that I “should” invite but really don’t want there, and I don’t know if there’s a way to do it nicely.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3148 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    We are having a small wedding (50-60 ppl) and we are calling ours intimate.  The thing is, you have to draw the line somewhere… and you have to be honest and draw it where you are comfortable.  It’s very easy to get sucked in to having a bigger wedding to please other people, so it’s not always easy to stick to your desires.  But now that our wedding is less than 6 months away, we are so happy we kept it small.  I have no regrets! We got everything we wanted and thensome… we are able to afford the extras that really make us happy… rather than inviting the 3rd cousin that we’ve never met. It’s hard in the beginning, but once you get past the “we are only having a smaller wedding” broken record recording… it gets better!  Good luck : )

    Post # 14
    Member
    1715 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    My uncles wife wanted a wedding with only 20 people so they went to Italy. Its going to be hard and people may be very upset. She was anti social and thats why she didnt want anyone really at there wedding. I really hope this works for you.

    Post # 15
    Member
    5371 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

    @Mrs.Firefly1:  That’s really helpful! We really want 50-60 people and your post definitely gave me more confidence in our choice (:

    Post # 16
    Member
    3148 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @sugarpea:  It can be done! It does take more work of nicely repeating yourselves when others ‘expect’ to be invited.  I explain that we are paying for this ourselves 100% and we would’ve loved to invite everybody but we cannot make that happen. People seem to understand.  My Mom is on my side and that makes life easier. Once we invited a couple extra people for my FI’s Mom, she was happy.

    I honestly want to look back at my photo’s and know every person there… and still have a relationship with them in 20 years…. that was very important to us.  This wedding… our wedding is an intimate affair and is very special and we wanted that close feel of everyone involved… I want to see everyone and speak with them.  50 people is hard… because it’s really 25 ppl each side and at my age everyone is married.  So it’s really 12 people plus their spouse!  So it feels intimate to us.  I’m glad we kept it small because it can get overwhelming financially.  Some people love big weddings and that’s great, but it wasn’t the right decision for us personally. 

    To all the bee’s having smaller weddings… Rock on!  It can be done!

     

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