Post # 1
Call me crazy but… I’m really struggling with the idea of a wedding. I’ve been to a few weddings and I think the vows and the promises are incredibly intimate and personal. I’m not sure that I’m really comfortable going up to the altar with my fiance and making those promises in front of 100 friends and family. To me, it’s almost like inviting all these people into the bedroom. I don’t know why I feel this way, but I do. Promising to love, honor, obey my fiance, until death do us part, to look into his eyes and make those promises is hugely emotional and intimate. We will be emotionally giving ourselves to one another, how is that a social event? It’s about he and I and our love, our relationship. It makes me slightly nauseated to think that 100 people will be watching as we make these promises.
Does anyone else feel this way or am I just completely crazy?
Post # 3
Not crazy at all.This is why we only had 14 people.
But, I have to say, when you’re there and you say your vows, you don’t feel like everyone’s watching.
My husband was looking at me straight in the eyes the entire time and I couldn’t look anywhere else but in his eyes. We both felt like we were alone in the world.
Post # 4
That is exactly how I feel! I was just saying that to someone the other day…it’s so strange that has never crossed my mind as a wedding guest. Now as the day gets closer for me, that is a huge thing on my mind.
Post # 5
No, I agree with you. I’m only inviting 15 people to my wedding. I feel exactly as you do, so maybe we are both crazy!
Post # 6
For me a wedding is a declaration of your love to each in the presence of those who love you.. and those who dont want this can just have a civil marriage at the court. some couples dont even get married at all and just live together for years.. different strokes for different folks
Post # 7
My fiance’ doesn’t want anyone at our ceremony. It’s hard for me to understand, but after reading your post, I could see why. However, how does your guy feel about this? I am a bit sad that he doesn’t want to share this moment with our family and (at least) our close friends.
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2011 - Samuel Lynne Galleries and Marc Events
I went to a wedding once (well, the reception really) where the couple got married in front of just their immediate families, then they had a much larger reception with everyone. It was still nice ’cause we all got o celebrate with them, and the fact that they had a private ceremony was kind of neat. I think that’s a very good option!
Post # 9
Recent wedding, September 4. I can tell you on that day and as I walked down the aisle all was perfect in the world and the only person in my mind was my groom waiting at the front. We had written our own vows and as we said them it was very personal and intimate and just as if no one else were there. Very much worth sharing with our 100 closest friends and family because afterwards they all knew what was in our hearts. Share your love – you’ll be glad you did.
Post # 10
When I think of a wedding, sharing vows, and celebrating, what comes to mind is a small event that isn’t even really an event, if that makes sense.
The idea of inviting a lot of people or making the wedding an extravaganza is just not at all what I see for myself. Maybe it’s because I’m a more private person overall? I loathe being the center of attention generally speaking. Or, maybe because I’m in my early 30’s and have no residual princess fantasies from childhood.
I really hope for a small guest list – under 50 for sure, likely under 30. I want to really share the moment with those closest to me. Not brush by 200 people without really “seeing” them.
Good luck planning – it’s been hard to narrow down ideas for myself because the “huge production wedding” is kind of what’s out there in the vendor space and social media. But, I think a more intimate wedding can be done.
Post # 11
I can see your thought process, but I was just at the most amazing wedding that I think might make you feel a little better about been in front of your family and friends. My cousin got married last month and she had a large wedding. I am so glad she did because if she hadn’t I would not have gotten to be there. There were over 50 family members from my side of the family there, including a 90 year old great aunt and multiple generations of our family from all over the nation. As we sat there gathered together, I held in my hand an old photo of my great grandparent’s wedding day. They were married over a hundred years ago, and because they fell in love all those people were gathered in one place to watch another couple say some words that hopefully will last beyond a lifetime and that generations from now someone will say that all because they fell in love their own children’s children will be gathered to celebrate another special day. Those vows are going to be vital to your life, but so will the people who you choose to surround yourself with. They will be your witnesses, your encouragers, and your reminders of this special day. Someday, perhaps you’ll wish for a friend who can share those memories with you and on this first day of the rest of your life, you don’t know who will be there to share those memories with you, but they will be there…
Post # 12
I agree to an extent but I was happy to share that moment with my favourite people in the whole wide world. We only have 54 people at our wedding (including us) it was perfect! And when I said my vows to my groom I felt like we were the only 2 people in the world.
Actually, an ambulance drove by during the ceremony and I had no clue. I didn’t know it even happened until I watched the ceremony on video.
But you have to do what is best for you and your FI!
Post # 13
@Missbliss: Wow, very well spoken! 🙂
Post # 14
Our ceremony was also very intimate but I can’t imagine NOT sharing it with all of the people that I love! And I can tell you that despite how many people may be watching, when you’re up there with your Fiance during the ceremony and saying your vows – you truely feel like you are the only two people there. I didn’t notice anyone of the 136 people there in the pews at all! But I would really look back and regret it if they weren’t there because even if I didn’t notice them in the moment, I still have that memory to share with them of one of the most important events in my life.
Post # 15
I can totally understand how you feel. I’m a little worried because my Fiance and I are both criers… and besides our close friends, no one knows that about us!! I’m positive that we’re both going to bawl our eyes out during the vows. But then – who really cares? That’s what weddings are all about!
You can personalize your ceremony however you want. It might be cool to make the ceremony a little less emotional/intimate but write each other letters that you would exchange to be read later that day (or 5, 10 years down the road… whatever!) That way any super personal or intimate stuff would be private.