Post # 1
Longtime lurker, finally decided to join! SO and I actually found this site together months ago when he ran a google search for pictures of different carat sizes on a size 6 finger =) LOVE all of the ring porn here!
So, to get right into it, SO randomly told me that the only reason that we arent engaged is because he really wants to have the perfect ring. Hes taking his time to research, save, and probably custom make it. So were not engaged, but for some reason we cant stop planning!
So what do you think? Is it inappropriate/not a good idea to plan a wedding and/or details before THE ring is on your finger? I dont mind discussing the ring, but were already talking venues, first dances, bands, the music im walking down the aisle to, colors, etc. Sometimes I wonder, is it too much?
PS. Promise ring porn! I know that promise rings arent exactly loved here on the Bee, but I love mine, so too bad =P. Man does it sparkle!
1.25ish Princess cut pink sapphire, platinum. Shes based on the Tiffany Grace, but with my favorite color thrown in.
Post # 3
I think so long as you plan with an open mind and flexibility, there’s no problem. If both of you are on the same page, there isn’t any huge harm, but you definitely will want to keep all of this under wraps from friends/family until the official engagement if you want that moment in the spotlight. Otherwise, they’ll tire of “waiting” for you to get engaged for real lol.
Btw, that ring is GORGEOUS.
Post # 4
You’re right about the family/friends thing. I know most of them expect it but I would still like it to be just as special!
Post # 5
I do not think it is a bad idea per se, but you’ll need to have some specifics ironed out such as date of the wedding, budget and few things to even start the process. If you already have a date picked out then that would be a good starting point. A lot of vendors will start to ask a lot of questions you hadn’t even thought of so being on the same page as a PP said will be the BEST start to the whole process 🙂
Pretty ring… congrats!
Post # 6
@DeadlyNightshade: An engagement is an engagement even without the ring. There’s no harm in planning, since two are clearly committed! We set a date, signed contracts and everything before ever having a ring — but we also announced we were engaged without having a ring. (I do have one now.)
It sounds, though, like you may want to not plan yet to keep the engagement moment special?
Post # 7
The only thing I’m wondering is if he needs time to save for the ring, I take it this would be planning without booking, otherwise would you be able to put deposits down on venues etc??
Post # 8
I was given a promise ring in 2010 and then the 1st of this month I got engaged. Can you imagine the anxiety I would have gone through ‘planning’ for 2 years only to have to wait another year and 9 months to get married? I’m so glad that I didn’t actually ‘plan’ anything until now because he probably would have decided I was too crazy to marry. That being said it didn’t stop me from saying “oh that’s cute, I’d like to do that at my wedding” or thinking “oh I think ____, ____, and ____ colors go together well. I want those to be my wedding colors,” but to me that’s not real planning. I didn’t look at venues, dresses, DOLLAR AMOUNTS until recently and am so glad I didn’t. I vote to wait unless you plan to be engaged in the next 9 months and marry soon after but it took 2 years to find “the perfect ring I deserve” and it seriously couldn’t have been better.
Post # 9
@Amanda_Rae: Thank you! The date thing is another thing I don’t really mind discussing since I would love to have a July wedding and he thinks it might be too hot. Maybe not so much a specific date as a time of year?
@zagora: you’re kind of right about the wanting the wedding planning phase to be special. Not that it wouldn’t be regardless, but still. By the way, I completely applaud you being engaged first and having the ring later!
@flownmuse: that is correct. I personally dont think I want to put any money on anything just because we could change our minds about the details at this point.
Post # 10
@smitten_kitten: This really rang true to me. I wouldn’t care if it took 2 years, I’m perfectly happy waiting in our relationship. 🙂
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
@MissCalifornia: I 100% agree (:
I think it’s beautiful and I don’t think there’s any harm in planning as long as you’re both on the same page (which it’s pretty obvious you are haha).
Post # 12
If two people are on the same exact page and you’re just waiting on the engagement to be socially “official” then I see no problem in planning. We’ve done a lot of planning as well but I have no engagement ring. He is waiting for some perfect time that he has planned to propose to me! We live together, spend together, we are partners and we both know the date, etc. It’s just waiting for it to be official 🙂 So I see no problem if you two communicate and are on the same page! 🙂 Congrats, and I am very jealous of your promise ring, it’s so pretty!
Post # 13
If that’s your promise ring I can’t wait to see the engagement ring! Good luck!
Post # 14
@DeadlyNightshade: I don’t think it hurts. All of those things you are conisdering aren’t too much. Like some of the other were saying, as long as you’re not putting a deposit down on a venue and so on, there’s no harm in dreaming about your wedding together.
In my case, my boyfriend is a huge planner. He feels like getting engaged will be ‘go’ time, and would at least like to have a loose idea of what kind of wedding we want, a budget and so forth beforehand. So, I started by researching venues, decorations, any alternatives that might be more budget friendly and more ‘us,’ to give us an idea of the budget and style. It’s been immensley helpful, because I was overwhelmed when I first started looking.
I suppose the trick is just to not get too attached to any one venue/dress/date and so on, but use your planning as a guideline for what you might want. Inspiration, ideas, etc.
Nice promise ring, by the way! Pink sapphires are beautiful.
Post # 15
Hi- I just joined too after being on here and looking forever!
I am an event planner by profession- I plan conferences, festivals, parties and big events. It helps to know what you want and what you like. Without telling him, it became a way I could wait for the ring and keep my mind occupied. Some people say not to do anything as you might change your mind which is true.
But… I spent a solid year looking around here and googling images and then cutting and pasting things into a document. After awhile, I was able to see the trends from the photos i chose- the dress style I liked, outdoor settings, preppy clothes and striped ties, striped straws, soft flowers with greenery, etc. So while I may not be able to havve peonies as they won’t be in season and I want to save money, I know the look I’m going for, you know? Plus I got some great deals on some small things like jewlery on sale for me and bridesmaids, milkglass cake stands for our cake buffet, etc. After awhile I could come out of the closet with what I was doing and he was liked that I was planning. He still doesn’t undersatnd how long things take to plan though and this helps me get comfortable with knowing what I want.
I have a commitment ring too from an anniversary a few years ago and am waiting for the real thing- in the meantime, though we have booked the venue and photographer! 🙂 Life happens at the pace it is suppossed to. Good luck and have fun looking!
Post # 16
As long as your both on the same page, there’s nothing wrong with planning before engagement IMO. I’m not engaged yet, but SO has the ring and a date in mind, but of course I’m out of the loop.
I haven’t booked any venues, vendors or anything like that, but we have talked logistics. We want Feb 1st 2013 wedding date, we know the venue we want, our colours, theme and overall feeling, as well as have created a budget because I tend to go a little overboard in planning things money wise. I have purchased a few things that haven’t broke the bank but that were such great deals I couldn’t pass up on. I found my wedding shoes and with a gift card only had to pitch in $8 of my own money, and found some stamps to use for stationary and skeleton keys at Michael’s for $1 in the clearance section. So to date I’ve spent like $30….. nothing crazy. I also have a folder in my netbook with tons of inspiration. SO gives his opinions on everything and we see eye to eye on all of it. We both find it so much fun! It’s funny though, he gives his ideas and gets so excited about everything but as soon as I mention the ring he says “No ring talk”….. He knows the ring is apart of it right? How do we plan a wedding without the ring? What a weirdo lol