(Closed) introducing SO to Marriage in the Catholic faith

posted 4 years ago in Catholic
Post # 2
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee

I thought in order for you to be married in the Catholic church you have to show you were confirmed in the Catholic church.  He would have to go through that before any marriage prep program.

I think the best way to introduce him to Catholicism is to have him go to church with you. Then you can meet with the priest and find out exactly what the requirements are.

Post # 3
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m Catholic and my husband isn’t.  To get married in the Catholic Church at least one of you needs to be baptized in the Church (it’s easier if the other is baptized Christian but not impossible otherwise) . My husband started attending Mass with me because he knew it was something important to me. Other than that, we went to the engaged encounter pre cana weekend (I HIGHLY recommend doing the weekend vs the other classes) and I make sure to answer any questions I can as far as what he wonders about the Church.

Good luck!

 

Post # 4
Member
15 posts
Newbee

tl;dr: invite your SO to church with you and let him get accustomed to it at his own pace.

First, to clarify the above post. You don’t have to be confirmed Catholic to be married in a Catholic church, or even Christian, as long as the other partner is Catholic. The Catholic person would typically need to promise to raise any children from the union as Catholic and the non-Catholic is to promise to not prevent that.

You would need to ask your local bishop, through your priest, for permission to enter into a “mixed marriage.” Depending on whether the non-Catholic is a baptized Christian or not, there are certain parts of the full Mass that wouldn’t be performed – or even have no Mass – but this would still be able to be in a Catholic church. I believe it would still be a sacrament (i.e., you wouldn’t be able to receive communion should you divorce), but you should check with your priest and look around online. There are lots of forums on this topic. 

For example, this is the text of a wedding to an unbaptized person: http://catholicweddinghelp.com/topics/order-wedding-catholic-unbaptized.htm

I speak as the non-Catholic SO of a Catholic. I was never raised in any religion nor do I identify as agnostic or atheist. However, I do enjoy learning about faith traditions and visiting churches to see the architecture.

My SO goes to church every Sunday and when I’m in town, I go with him. It was rather weird at first for me since it is so ritualized and it felt like everyone knew the script except for me. However, it did help that I understood Christian and Catholic theology enough to understand the references. On my own volition, I read more about the Church and spoke to Catholic friends about it. Eventually, I came to know the Mass as well as any Catholic, and I even go up in the communion line to receive a blessing (but not the wafer or wine.)

It has been several years of me going to Mass with him and I don’t think I will ever convert and be baptized. My SO would love it if I did, but I am too skeptical about the theology, the existence of God, and my personal quibbles with the Catholic Church to become Catholic with good conscience.

However, I am happy to be married in a Catholic church because it is important to my SO and a part of his identity. I am okay promising to raise our children Catholic though I plan on exposing them to diverse faiths as well as critiques of religion in general, and not putting them in Catholic schools. My SO has never made me feel like I had to though, and I think his willingness to let me do what was comfortable for me was what eventually convinced me to do things in his faith tradition.

Thus, I would recommend you start by inviting your SO to church and helping him through the Mass. You may also want to go through the pre-Cana questionnaire (called FOCCUS), which will likely be required as part of your pre-Cana. If he is very turned off by Catholic teachings that may come up as part of weddings (for example, I’m not a fan of the Church’s emphasis on natural family planning), you could emphasize that it is something taught but most don’t practice it nor are you necessarily held to it. Hopefully, he sees your faith as an important part of who you are and will want to support you in it. Don’t pressure him to do anything he doesn’t want to do.

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

Try picking up Theology of the Body for Beginners by Christopher West.  You may have to do an NFP class and this is a pretty good introduction.

Post # 6
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Do you live in or near a big city? See if they have Theology on Tap- Catholics meet up in a bar, have a guest speaker, talk about some current topics. It’s very relaxed!

Is your fiancé Christian? It was important to me to have a full Mass for our wedding. There’s a little known loophole that our priest let us in on (he is surprisingly WAY more religiously progressive than we are, if that’s even a thing). Anyway, in keeping with the theme of unity in marriage, a Christian spouse of a Catholic can receive communion at their wedding. Of course, it’s at the discretion of the priest and the couple, but if it’s important to you, the option is out there. 

Post # 8
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee

cch246:  thanks for clarifying that. I went on the web site of the church I went to when I was younger and it said to get married at that church both parties need to be confirmed. They must be more strict than other parishes.

Post # 9
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2017

cch246:  I just wanted to let you know how helpful this post was to me! 

 

My fiance was raised Catholic went to Catholic school all growing up and is still a practicing Catholic. I, on the other hand was never baptized but grew up going to different churches but never identifying with one. It is very important to my fiance’s family that we are to be married in the Church which I am perfectly fine with but getting the right information has seem extremely hard! I read a few times that if your SO was never baptized it made it pretty much impossible so it’s reassuring to know it’s still an option. 🙂

The topic ‘introducing SO to Marriage in the Catholic faith’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors