Introversion, hosting family, and…panic attacks?!

posted 2 years ago in Holidays
Post # 2
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee

I’m obviously no expert (and only have a very limited experience with anxiety) but it sounds like there was over simulation going on and you’re getting understandky worn out. Hosting can be difficult even if it’s your parents! Take a breath and remember that this time of year is super fun but can also be very stressful and brings a lot of anxiety out. There is so much added pressure around the holidays! 

Hopefully you’re able to recharge soon! Take care bee! 🙂 

Post # 3
Member
9670 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

It’s okay to check out for a bit when you are overwhelmed. I’m also introverted (I need alone time to recharge) and visiting my parents is a lot like you described here and sometimes I just have to excuse myself for awhile. I usually say I’m going to take a bath or read for a bit to relax. They can entertain themselves for an hour when you do what you need to do for you.

Post # 4
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee

I feel the same way. Here’s how I cope:

During stressful times make sure you spend at least an hour a day walking your dogs by yourself. Even if you just let them loose in a dog park and sit with your own thoughts. That’s okay and a good excuse to get out of a crowded house and recharge your batteries.

Also, go to bed early. Turn in around 8:30 or 9 and just watch tv or take a bath by yourself without anyone interrupting you. Make sure your guests know how to work the tv and have everything they need but adults should be able to entertain themselves. You can’t be “always on” because that’s not how you’re wired. You can only be your best self and can only do that with adequate alone time. Will you win hostess of the year? No, but you will have your sanity, which is probably worth more.

You might think I’m a terrible person but I’ve been known to put on a long movie (volume up) or play music in the kitchen when I just want people to chill and not talk. This also works in the car. Long-term extroverted guests are exhausting. It sounds like your group has been doing a lot of activities, I’d try to plan ahead as best you can. Ex: “you’ll need knives, a cutting board, etc for this activity. here they are!” You can duck out of an earlier event to plan ahead and prep. 

Hope this helps! 

 

Post # 5
Member
2120 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I’m also an introvert and I understand why this would be overstimulating. When I’m in a situation like yours, I make sure I get breaks from the noise and people! 

I take long baths or showers, take walks, and go to bed early and read/listen to music. 

Post # 6
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

Hello from a fellow introvert! This all sounds very familiar to me too. Have you ever read Quiet by Susan Cain? If not I highly recommend it! It honestly changed my life and gave me the confidence I needed to listen to my gut instead of trying to be someone I wasn’t.

FWIW, I find that if I indulge my introverted-ness too much I tend to become more anxious about social interaction. It’s a fine line between giving yourself the space you need but also ‘practicing’ coping out in the real, non-introverted world. It’s just like anything else, practice makes perfect! It takes experimenting to find balance but balance does exist.

You say you’re best friends with your mother and she seems to be clued into your discomfort. Maybe you two can go for a walk together? You can spend quality time together while recharging the energy your dad takes. Just an idea!

Hang in there bee! Take the time you need, but also don’t take your parents love and presence for granted. They won’t always be around, and one day you may miss this time together, as grating as it may seem now.

Post # 7
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee

This sounds stressful as hell to me so you are definitely not alone and you are not losing your mind.  This is all just too much.  I really enjoy hosting my husband’s family but hosting my own will wipe me out for days because they are so stressful.  

Others have given you really good advice for self care.  I just wanted to say that what you explained is perfectly understandable & don’t beat yourself up for it.  Totally normal. 

Post # 9
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m glad you’re feeling better. I’m also an introvert and some of my extended family drains me like nothing else. I also think of the kitchen as my “me space” and people getting in there while I’m trying to cook/recharge are the worst. I’ve actually had arguments with Darling Husband about this – he loves to cook and sometimes I have to fight with him about who gets to be in the kitchen vs entertaining the guests 🙂

It’s OK. You’re not losing your mind. You just need more space than they do.

Post # 10
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I’m an introvert also. I know what you mean about feeling drained. I need time to myself at least once a week to recharge. When I was single I was used to having plenty of alone time after work. I’d still see my family and friends but I still needed time to myself.  You’re not alone 🙂

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