(Closed) Introvert dating an extrovert!

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Well you just gave yourself an answer sweetcheeks!

A book club would be the perfect way to get out of your shell alittle!!

Especially if you are already introverted, this would be a small step, and who knows, you could make some new friends in this book club and start making dates and planning fun activities with them!


Good luck! 


Post # 3
2350 posts
Buzzing bee

Anna113619:  Hey! I’m introverted, my Fiance is even more introverted than I am. 

Like you, I have very few friends and most of my hobbies are solitary. It took me a long time to get comfortable with my introversion, I read Quiet and Introvert Power, and honestly they both really helped me. 

I felt like I had been fighting my introverted tendencies almost my whole life, but now I realize it’s totally ok as long as you’re content. You did say you’re feeling a bit depressed, so you’re obviously not totally happy with how things are now. Sometimes when all of your activities are solitary, it can be easy to sort of loaf around- not get dressed, watch tv, do passive things. 

I get depressed if I’m not working on things, getting out of the house, and feeling productive. I work from home so I am alone literally almost all the time, I have learned that even though I’m not super social, I still need to plan my day and have a schedule. My average day looks a bit like this: 

-Wake up, make breakfast. 

-Work from home.

-Grocery shop.

-Go to the gym or a dance class. 

-Make dinner.

-Read/work on my blog. 

I plan a social outing about once every three weeks, which works for me. If you’re looking to meet other introverts maybe try groups that would draw them (moreso than a bookclub). I have gone to some Dungeons and Dragons meetups, other table top gaming meetups, billiards/pool leagues, and even a meetup with some likeminded people I met on a forum. I’m now very good friends with one of the girls who I originally met on the forum. 

I know my interests are pretty nerdy, but I think what’s key is to go to an event where you’re doing something and not just sitting and talking, at least that helps me. And seriously, those books are must reads. Also, just for fun, check this out: stayhomeclub.com 🙂

Post # 5
9021 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

what did you do to keep yourself busy before meeting your bf.  no need to stop those activities now.

but if you are looking for additional activities, volunteer at a eldercare facility/hospital/animal shelter.

check out meetup.com.  look for a group that you want to join, you might just have to take a leap to meet new friends and go out of your comfort zone.

Post # 7
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It took me 26 years of my life to figure out i was an introvert. Its been wonderful. I used to think something had to be wrong with me. That i was a bitch or unfriendly because i didn’t like group games and i couldn’t even be around my best friends for more than a day at a time.  Then i realized it was just me reaching my limit and needing an energy break.

Darling Husband is more of an extrovert. He loves sitting outside having a beer afterwork with a neighbour.  Or seeing his friends every weekend.  But i wouldn’t say he is a total social butterfly or anything.  He’s a busy bee (he cant sit still).  Hes very understanding of my introversion now. He can actually tell when i am “full” and doesn’t hold it against me. It took some getting used to but he gets it.

Find some hobbies.  Keep yourself busy doing the things you like. I personally found i love DIY and cooking. 

Post # 8
296 posts
Helper bee

I’m an introvert and my SO has a million friends. During the years I got to make friends with some with some of them, and now I ‘m more open around them. An acquaintance came to me the other day and said “oh it’s you. So-and-so (SO’s best friend) told me that you are actually a big talker,you are just shy!” Haha.

Anyway. I totally get how you are feeling. I’ve been feeling that way for a long time. Now I’m doing my masters and am pretty busy,plus it’s giving me that minimum amount of socialization that even I need to feel okay. I’ve also enjoyed running,it gives you such an endorphin rush, I promise you will feel GREAT if you commit to it. I’ve never runned or exercized before when I started with 1min runs/1 min walk sessions. Plus maybe, one day, you might run together with someone else if you feel like it. Oh and during my first year with SO I took a solo trip in Finland and it was the best thing ever, but it’s not for everyone I guess.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by  melissamaria.
Post # 9
279 posts
Helper bee

I’m very introverted and my Boyfriend or Best Friend is very extraverted.  He is Mr. Social, every where we go we see someone that he knows, and he chats it up constantly.  I on the other hand am almost completely the opposite, I used to think something was wrong with me because I was so quiet, but its really just the way I am.  He is accepting of my quietness which is really great, but I’m in a similar situation as you, and I’m looking to branch out more.  I’ve joined a few meet-up groups (meetup.com) and have committed to going to a few things just to get out of the house and make some new friends.

Post # 10
296 posts
Helper bee

Oh and maybe you can take a hobby together? I took a swing dance class with my SO once where everyone danced with everyone but him being there still made me more comfortable. Unfortunately he didn’t want to continue. I took group classes alone for a couple of months but then it felt really weird because everyone else had made friends with each other and I just couldn’t bring myself to talk to them.

Post # 11
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF

I’m an INTJ and my Fiance is an ENFP. 🙂 I love him and think we’re perfect for one another because we balance each other out, though I think that maybe he . I’d probably be content sitting at home all day if I didn’t know how much he appreciates social interaction. I know that I don’t like “going out” or seeking out new social circles but it is SO much easier going with my Fiance. He does the initiating for me and then is willing to run away from the crowd once I’ve become overwhelmed. Truthfully, a lot of the friends that I have now came from introductions that he facilitated. 

Post # 12
3718 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Anna113619:  I would go to the gym and work late. I think the difference between you and me is that I was happier alone than around people. The only time I got mopey was when our time together became time he went out with his friends. We needed to find a balance and it took awhile.

If you aren’t happy alone, can you start inviting acquaintances out for a drink or coffee? That gives you something to do too.

I also found that during our courtship his solo activities changed to couples activities. He still goes out with the boys occasionally, but normally it is a group affair.

Post # 14
1394 posts
Bumble bee

that’s me too. my boyfriend has always been mr. popular. i’ve always been kinda weird and alone. where ever we go, he manages to start a conversation with someone. i think he just likes getting to know people. i think he’s the perfect compliment to my super shyness and negativity. sometimes it gets a little awkward at restaurants…but i really love him for it. but in some ways it just allows me to continue to be quiet because he’ll do all the socializing for me. 

Post # 15
188 posts
Blushing bee

Anna113619:  Hi! I am just like you but when I moved to my BF’s city I knew that I HAD to get out of my shell or I would be depressed since my Boyfriend or Best Friend has tons of friends. I started by going to the gym! Even though I didn’t make friends there it got me around other people when I was bored which lifted my spirits and gave me something to do. Second, I joined a small group via church. I didn’t really hit it off with the girls but I kept going back. One day a new girl walked in and we instantly connected. Had dinner the next week and became close friends. She introduced me to tons of girls and we eventually created a new small group and a book club. I made some of the best friends I’ve ever had in this new city! I’ve also since joined two charity organizations since which has been fantastic. I was always an introvert but getting out there is the first step to finding new hobbies and making new friends!

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