(Closed) Introverted, Shy, Quiet Loner marrying into a huge busy body family

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
6592 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Keep quiet and elope with the handful of people you want there STAT!

Post # 5
3631 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

If you and he BOTH want that wedding then just go do it now and have it done with.

But if he is going to regret that,  it is his wedding too and there needs to be some compromise, perhaps having his direct family (parenrs and siblings) at the tiny ceremony but still everything else you planned. Or something that works for both of you. 

Post # 6
1860 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Do you think you could maybe compromise?  Go and elope or have an intimate wedding, and then later have a larger/less formal reception?  Maybe a family dinner at  a nice restaurant?

Post # 7
3292 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I understand how you feel somewhat because I am also an introvert. My only advice is to not let your fiance’s family tell you what to do — this wedding is for you and your fiance. It’s important to set those boundaries right away.

That said, also remember that this is your fiance’s wedding, too — sounds like he wants a bigger affair than you do. I think a compromise is in order here. 

Post # 9
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Make sure your SO is on board with your plans of a quiet wedding. You don’t want there to be any regrets from either of you regarding your wedding. You may have to be prepared that he may want a larger celebration. As mentioned above, a compromise may be in order. Would you be ok with having the small wedding that you want and having a larger reception or celebratory dinner and invite both your families? It doesn’t have to be anything fancy with a cake or elaborate speeches.

In the end, with whatever you both decide, stick to it. Family and friends will always try to interject their thoughts and opinions. Just be firm. The world will not end if they don’t get their way.

Post # 11
3631 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@beeyourself:  Problem sounds like he is somewhat attached to his family,  which means you can’t avoid them forever,  which meand I’m going to guess at some point dealing with your social anxiety. Unless he is totally willing ti cut ties with them,  it would seem to me sometime this will be an issue. Not saying your wedding is the place to make it an issue but unless he is a Duggar and his.parents and siblings mean 40 people,  it would seem to me as an outsider your anxiety is seriously adversely affecting your life. Dinner with his family will cause a total break down? That needs to be dealt with sometime.  What happens when he has nieces or nephews he wants to visit? I get that it will be difficult for you but it sounds like you are totally against any compromise and that isnt the best way to start off married life. 


Post # 13
2453 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

first of all, if he’s considering caving just to shut his family up, he will regret it.

He needs to decide WITH you what you BOTH want, and go with that. Then he has to tell his family to BTFO (back the [email protected]#$ off)

Sounds like an elopement will work better for you. Do it.

Post # 16
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

To an extent, I get you.  I don’t throw up when all eyes are on me, but boy do I feel like it.  DH asked if he should bring me flowers to work on my birthday right after I graduated and apparently the look on my face was as if he had kicked a puppy.

DH and I both went with the big wedding because we knew both our families were going to want it and we have a huge number of people who saw us grow up that we would hurt if we did not include.

That said, my best friend asked if I needed Xanax right before the ceremony started because I couldn’t deal with how many people were going to be staring at me.  I was so anxious and my heart was pounding so fast I felt like I ran miles.  And it had nothing to do with marrying DH because I wasn’t remotely concerned about that, but omg, there were so many people that were staring at me.

So here’s my advice: small ceremony (maybe family only), then a medium or large reception to appease the families.  Everyone was so busy socializing during the reception they hardly paid any attention to us.  And if you want to bypass the first dance (or hold that during dinner while people are eating) or the cake cutting or anything else that you would be worried about– like if you want to enter the reception venue first so there isn’t a huge production for the entrance– then do it!

The one good thing about a large reception is there are so many people socializing and doing their own thing that there isn’t pressure of all eyes being turned on you– and if some are, you can drag your husband with you and have him do all the talking.

Hope this helps!


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