(Closed) Invalidation by lack of a ring? Say what? *Vent*

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I hear ya on that. I didn’t have an engagement ring until a year *after* we were married. So I guess I would be on that same list but we still got married, didn’t make it any less real.

Post # 5
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Oh I totally understand. Its a decision between 2 adult people about their own lives. I got a bunch of crap too about not having a ring until we got so fed up and I started wearing my promise ring just to shut people up. 

Post # 6
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

@Bellanouva: I’m sorry people are being so uber lame towards the fact that you don’t have a ring on your finger yet. And you’re right, it doesn’t make a difference in terms of your relationship and your commitment.

For the record, I think it’s smart to look at wedding websites and get ideas ahead of time. I, like you, was not one of those girls who had been dreaming of/planning her wedding since the age of 5. I only thought about getting married when I realized I wanted to marry my SO. And I only seriously thought about it after dating for 1.5-2 years.

I’ve just started looking at wedding websites myself for ideas, to do research, look into how much everything costs etc. just to get an idea for when the time comes. Sure, tons could change by the time our wedding day rolls around, but it’s good to get a glance at what’s to come and what you’re in for.

Weddings can cost a lot of money, and I think it’s great that you guys are already saving. My SO and I are doing the same thing. We aren’t engaged yet either, and I’m not sure exactly when we’d be getting married, but it definitely wouldn’t be for another year and a half to 2 years… if not more.

Look at this way… getting ideas ahead of time will just make you feel that much more relaxed when you actually start planning! Then you can just enjoy being engaged, and the planning will probably go smoother rather than you running around all frazzled.

That’s how I look at it if I get flack from anyone… I’m avoiding becoming a future Bridezilla by looking ahead of time! My SO will thank me when the time comes, I’m sure. And yours will do the same! 🙂

Post # 9
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I can see where you are coming from with your stand. I just have very thin skin and I would cry so hard because of things that were said. 

Post # 10
Member
3004 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

@Bellanouva:  I don’t know where people’s heads are sometimes. I worked with someone who has been engaged for years and years. I thought that she and her SO wanted to just be common law married which is fine by me!! I was just too nervous to ask if she wanted me to reference him as husband or what. 

I just don’t see where people feel the need to correct you for a decision you have made that, while it’s not hurting anyone, and it’s making you happy.

Post # 10
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee

I know you are venting but cut them some slack at the same time.  By many people’s standards, an engagement ring is a symbol that the couple is ready to move forward.  They are just used to tradition.

I do want to ask, however, how involved in the planning is your fiance.  I would sideeyes you too if you had no ring and a fiance that was completely uninvolved.  One of the bees posted the other day about her pre-ring planning and how it really upset her fiance.  He knew they would be getting married but the planning really took away from the specialness of the ring proposal in his mind.  In my mind w/ an absent fiance and no ring, I would think you were a bit crazy.

Post # 11
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

yeah i am on a similar boat! I am kind of planning and getting ideas since my bf and i agreed on the “when” and it’s 1.5~2 years away. and i don’t have a ring. i don’ really care but maybe i’ll have one when i find something i like…?

you know there are many materialistic ones out there.

Post # 14
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

@Bellanouva: I’m not actively planning per se, just browsing and gathering ideas when I’m bored haha [although I must say I’ve done quite a bit of looking the last couple days]. I haven’t mentioned anything to my SO or anything. However, I agree with your points… and as a PP said, if your SO is on board and is okay with you starting to plan a bit, it’s all good. Do what’s right for you.

In terms of what to say to these inquiring minds, I’m not sure… I get all awkward and laugh it off when someone asks when we’re getting engaged. I play it off and sometimes make a crack about ME making HIM wait haha.

This might give you some ideas as to what to say to them. 🙂

 

Post # 15
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee

@Bellanouva:  Who is making these comments?  Friends? Your family? His Family?

Since you say he is involved, I would present a united front the next time something like this comes up and say, we are saving for our future and our marriage.  We are not entering our new lives with the debt that society would have us take on.  If you can’t be supportive of that, please don’t make any comments in our presence.

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