(Closed) Who gets the return invites?? Please help. Parents are driving me nuts!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If they are the hosts, I believe technically, the RSVPs would go back to them.

FH and I are paying ourselves, but my mom wanted to be involved, so I agreed to have our RSVPs sent to her house…this means I stalk her everyday at 3pm to see if we received any RSVPs! 

Post # 4
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@StephC24:  When I married I was still living withmy parents. Even though My Fiance and I payed for the wedding, her name when on the return address for “traditon sake”.

For you, I would say whoever will keep the better record of who has and has not RSVPed back. If you trust your parents to give you daily updates of who is coming, then yeah let them get the cards back. If not, strongly suggest you do it.

Post # 6
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

my husband and i payed for the wedding but i was still living at home so my parents  address was on the return label.


i think it should go to ur and fiance home cause it would be easier for u to keep track.

Post # 7
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Let’s be practical – it should go to your home because you’re living away from your mom. You don’t want to be on top of her all the time trying to organize everything, do you? 

Post # 9
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I think it depends on who is hosting… and paying!

Post # 11
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

This has been a big debate in my house.

Our parents are splitting the wedding evenly and both sets of parents names are at the top of the invite, however, we live/having the wedding in the same city as FI’s parents. Because of that, we are putting their address on the reply card. It didn’t make sense to send them to my parents house, 900 miles awbe when we will be doing seating charts and stuff where we live now.

I really wanted them send to Fiance and my apartment but neither set of parents agreed to that. I was mad and felt my parents were being over shadowed by that. My parents were ok this so I guess I have to be too.

Post # 12
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I would go insane not getting my own RSVPs. Doesn’t matter who is paying, but I’m planning damnit!!! I’d need to know. Also half of the guest list is pele my parents would never have met (FI’s side) so that just doesn’t even make sense.

Post # 13
2135 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I had them sent back to me. I am the one tracking them, so that only made sense

Post # 14
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Can you have them sent to you but enter them into a Google doc spreadsheet (or create a Dropbox folder) so that all interested parties can track the RSVPs as they come in?

Post # 15
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@StephC24:  Traditionally, yeah…they’re supposed to go to the parents’ place because they would be the one’s hosting and really…you would be living there.  But realistically, they should go to you.  

Basically, if you’re parents are being butthurt about this, I would put it to them this way:  if they are going to take responsibility for seating plans, chasing down RSVPs, keeping track of RSVPs via Excel, tracking menu choices and reporting to the caterer, and ensuring that addresses are correct, then you have something to talk about.  If they are not prepared to do all of the above, then it’s not their job.  My parents couldn’t work a spreadsheet to save their lives and I found it easier to track addresses, RSVPs, gifts received (for Thank You notes) in a single notebook.

So, if you’re the main contact with the venue/caterer, you should have the RSVPs.

Post # 16
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Who is going to be doing the work of keeping track of the attendees? That should determine where the R.s.v.p.s get sent. Are your parents volunteering to do that job? Are you wanting to do it in spite of their volunteering? etc.

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