- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
After [too] many hours spent watching Investigation Discovery, I have compiled an extensive list of Homicide Prevention Tips. Some are more obvious than others, and they are in no particular order. Feel free to add your own. Needless to say (yet I will), this post is intended to be lighthearted.
Do not sell a vehicle privately. This includes yachts.
Do not hitchhike, pick up hitchhikers, or aid stranded motorists. Oh, it’s a seemingly nerdy man, his wife, and an infant? Doesn’t matter. Just. Do. Not.
Do not accept rides in a van. Even from someone you know. Even a church van.
Do not befriend violent criminals.
Do not live alone, regardless of gender.
Do not keep doors unlocked, or dismiss the importance of an alarm system, no matter how “sleepy” your town may be.
Do not be a prostitute.
Do not have extramarital affairs.
Do not marry a weapons enthusiast.
Do not walk anywhere by yourself. Even in broad daylight.
Do not inform your spouse of an impending divorce alone. Utilize the Buddy System.
Do not enter into a custody battle.
Do not become even moderately wealthy.
Do not allow your spouse to take out a life insurance policy on you.
Do not seek employment at check cashing businesses, banks, or convenience stores.
DO NOT BE A PROSTITUTE. Seriously, you will be serial-murdered.
Do not trust estranged family members. Or close family members.
Do not involve yourself in a love triangle.
And most importantly…
Do not answer the door. Under any circumstances. Ever.