(Closed) Invitation came too early – when do I RVSP?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: When do I RSVP and when do I send a cheque??
    RSVP now, send cheque now with RSVP : (0 votes)
    RSVP near deadline, send cheque with the RSVP : (0 votes)
    RSVP now, give cheque with a card on wedding day : (13 votes)
    24 %
    RSVP near deadline, give cheque with a card on wedding day : (42 votes)
    76 %
  • Post # 3
    2086 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

    I’m guessing they send the invitations this early so people will make their plans around the wedding.  If you aren’t close enough to them to do that, I guess it’s okay to hold the invite for a little while.

    I would not send a check with the RSVP.  Give them to them in a separate card.

    Post # 4
    7609 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I voted that you RSVP closer to the deadline in case your plans do change.  I also think it’s more “the norm” to bring your cheque to the wedding inside a card and not to mail it with the RSVPs.

    Post # 5
    3241 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    @Mrs. Ginger: If you aren’t going to attend, I think it’s fine to include the check with the RSVP. If you plan on attending the wedding, I’d put it in the wedding card. There isn’t anything wrong with waiting a little bit to RSVP, just make sure to put the invited somewhere you won’t forget-like on the fridge.

    Post # 6
    2697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    They asked for money in the wedding invitation?

    Post # 7
    3982 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I sent mine out a little early because we had to have a count early. It drive me nuts when I got most of my RSVP’s the two weeks leading up to the deadline. I know the deadline is there for a reason but to me, that is the absolute LASTEST to send it in. Anytime I get invites in the mail early I assume it was for a reason and go ahead and RSVP with what I know. It also gives me plenty of time to make sure I am off work and don’t make other plans.

    Post # 8
    4336 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I would be so mad. I think that is so rude how people EXPECT you to plan your life AROUND their wedding by trying to force you to RSVP so early! (unless it is possibly a destination wedding.) [the obnoxious B in me would deliberately send the rsvp in the day before it was due…]

    And they asked for money for their honeymoon? IN the wedding invitation?!?! (what exactly was the wording?)

    wow…ugly, monogrammed towels would be what they would be getting from me, for sure! 

    Post # 9
    1238 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @red_rose: ugly monogrammed towels- LOL!!!

    Post # 10
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee

    I would already know I wouldn’t be attending such a wedding, so would promptly send in my RSVP no. 

    There are so many etiquette blunders in this “invitation” I don’t know where to stop. 

    If you plan to attend I would wait until you know for sure that you can make it. You wouldn’t want to have to cancel later.

    Give whatever gift you want, and don’t feel pressured to give a cash gift up front because they have asked.  A completely appropriate response to any question is “NO”

    Post # 11
    254 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I’m not sure this is too early- I think they are trying to be nice and help you plan around their wedding. Giving you the option to plan your summer knowing about their wedding. I think they sent it out instead of STD, trying to save money on their account. 

    For the gift, if you know youa re sending a check to help with their honeymoon- send it whenever, maybe not with the RSVP, but maybe send a card a bit closer but before the wedding with check in it?


    Post # 12
    631 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I think that is absolutely ridiculous to send invitations out that early. On a budget or not, that’s what STD’s are for if they want you to make plans accordingly. I spent maybe $20 making my STD’s by hand, and it was so much only because I ‘splurged’ on a stamp from Etsy for about $9.

    I would wait until closer to the RSVP deadline to actually respond. Plus, if they asked for money in the invitation I would be getting them something hideous and monogrammed so they couldn’t return it.

    Post # 13
    4485 posts
    Honey bee

    Wow. To that was sent out early is an understatement, and isn’t such a great idea in practice even though alot of people want to do it anyway. I’d wait until the proper rsvp time (2-3 weeks before the wedding). Keep the invite and reply card in a safe place where you won’t lose it.

    It’s rude to ask for money to finance the honeymoon or even the wedding itself, since both are entirely the couple’s responsibility. If I received that note on an invite, I would ignore it and just take a card.

    Post # 14
    1902 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I would say hold onto the RSVP for now, put the date in your diary and send it to them nearer the time, or whenever they do a chaser call to you (if they are keen to get them back!)

    I would give money/cheques at the wedding itself, I always feel bad going to the wedding party and not having something in my hand to give to the happy couple, even if I had given them something already 🙂

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