(Closed) Invitation Debate

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

I think you are right in this case. For me, I was the one with less people invited because I have a smaller family, and I am totally fine with that. I think you should forget about splitting invitations evenly and work on the guest list together.

Post # 4
Member
5904 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

june, i’m with you on this.  it isn’t your fault your family is big, and it hardly seems right to be penalized because of it.  i’m sure he isn’t trying to be unfair because you are working with a smallish number to begin with, but i would try reasoning with him again.  also, are you close to all this family?  i think it is okay to leave some cousins out if you aren’t very close.

Post # 5
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

You need to rethink this through with FI.  We are about 70%/30%.  My family was bigger.  It ended up not being about the number of ‘our’ people we had there – but to make sure that the people who are most important to us will be there.  Sit down with the list of people that you don’t have on the list yet – and explain to FI why they are important and try to come up with a compromise.  Since you will have a very small wedding – is there any of the family group you can omit on your side?

btw, I don’t think you are being unreasonable – but hear your FI out.  He may feel ‘less than’ for having fewer of his people there.  Perhaps if he shares his reasoning and you do too – you can come to an agreement that you are both happy with.

Post # 6
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think you need to talk about it to him, family comes first! We had the same problem and while I was able to invite my whole family, a lot of friends didn’t make the cut and he was adding random people left and right!

Post # 7
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think the solution would be that after you both invite close family: parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, and neices…THEN you split the remaining invites 50/50. That way it’s fair for both of you.

Post # 8
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

JamaicaBride just said exactly what I was going to recommend.  Invite all family you want in attendance from both sides before doing any splitting of the invites.  You shouldn’t be forced to cut family strictly because your family happens to be larger than his!

Post # 9
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with PP… I think it’s more appropriate to prioritize your guest list with regards to who you are going to invite (ie, family, close friends first).  Once you have that list, take your remaining invites and split them up fairly.  I think it’s probably more important to all parties involved that you have family there over randoms just so “sides” are equal. 

At my brother’s wedding, out of 150 guests, 15 were from “his” side.  15.  We didn’t have “sides” to sit on at the wedding, people just sat wherever for the ceremony. 

Post # 10
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow I think that you should do the family and then split up the difference. Although we have a lot of common other people so that made things easy. He has a lot of family but we are not planning on them attending (they didn’t attend either his brother’s or sister’s weddings). I would be frustrated if he was inviting people he isn’t close with just to use up the slots he can fill. 

Post # 12
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@june…let him read our responses Laughing. Or even get his parents to help you out. I am sure they understand that family should come first. Inviting people just to invite them is crazy when you have FAMILY that can use those spaces.

Post # 13
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t think it should be about numbers or %ages. You should have the people who mean the most to you there. It isn’t fair for him to invite second and third tier friends or relatives while your most important are left out. He needs to compromise on this one.

Post # 14
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’d show his all of our responses and talk to your future in-laws.  Yes, they may want to invite the neighbors and such as they see they they have extra spots, but do they realize that you currently are having to cut your FAMILY so they can invite aquaintences?  I’m sure when they realize this they will be more than willing to invite your family over their aquaintences.

Post # 15
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

For us my FH’s family was smaller too. He invited more friends and I kept my friend list down, however we didn’t do a 50/50 split, we collaborated.

Post # 16
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We didn’t divide our list based on number of guests, rather importance of guests.  We said yes to aunts/uncles, no to cousins (we also made an occasional exception to the rule, as he is the godfather to one of his cousins).  Not attaching my half/your half to the list made it easier for us to feel comfortable with the numbers.  I honestly thought I would end up having more show up at the wedding (because it is being held in my home state, which he is not from, nor do we live in now) but my aunts/uncles all live about 1200 miles from there and it seems none will likely attend – but his HS friends who live 600 miles from there are all revved up to go!  So it’s hard to know who will come, anyway.

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