@MsGinkgo:I will share a little story- since this happened to me.
We invited D, C, and thier 2 adult chidlren, T and T. At the time of invite, T and T were both known to be single to my DH, who stays in the loop with his family.
Turns out that T was actually engaged. OK-well had we known that, we definitely would have invited his Fiance, K.
But this is how we found out: On the VERY last day RSVP’s were due, they send thiers in- with an RSVP for EIGHT. Four were on the invite. Now I understand if T was engaged, that his Fiance needs to be invited as well. No prob. But they also RSVPed for THREE of T’s fiance’s kids. Ummmmmmmm. Strange as it seems- were at the cap of a very intimate venue—- they didn’t even ASK if we were having a kid friendly wedding (we did)– and it really messed things up with the kids seating.
Thankfully my venue was awesome and seamlessy dealt with switching things up last minute and it turned out great.
I didn’t really have an option, in my case. But I was upset because it was going to be a lot more money. Each kid got a nice bucket of stuff, and thier own meal, plus open access to (overpriced) non-alcoholic drinks from the bar.
Had I known about this more than 2 weeks before the wedding, I don’t think I would have been as upset– we likely would have invited them all if we had known about the situation though. And here’s why: marriage is all about joining families, and we had a kid friendly wedding. So I think it’s wrong to invite one kid from one part of a family and not the others- since they are now engaged. You wouldn’t invite a friend and not thier Fiance….so when you’re inviting one “side” of kids….it’s only fair to invite the other.
I know that if my DH- when he was my FI- had been invited to a wedding, and I had been, and my son wasn’t (assuming there were other kids at the wedding, and not just wedding party kids), it would be slightly offensive. The ONLY reason why I was pissed is because the invites went out in August- my wedding was in November. I sent them out early because I was tired of them sitting in my dining room LOL….but needless to say, they had PLENTY of time to just contact us, or FI’s mom- and say “hey, T is engaged to K, and K has 3 kids. Sorry you didn’t know about this- is it OK if they come?”
We would have been more than happy to accomodate them if they had communicated. Instead, I felt like we were forced to accomodate them, and it made me slightly angry. If you feel it’s important enough to attend our wedding, I guess I feel like you should be comfortable communicating with us!! 🙂