(Closed) Invitation Dilema…her finacee's kids?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Who do I invite?

    N, J & B

    N & J Only (and see how they RSVP)

    N, J, B, and J's kids

  • Post # 17
    Member
    2836 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    View original reply
    @MrsDiddles:  I did get all the letters confused I see- B is the gf’s kid, and J is the Fiance.  My bad.

    I do believe that if she knows her friend well enough- it *might* indicate whether the children were raised well.  I assume if OP was going to invite B (gf’s kid)- that she’s OK with B’s behavior.  If OP’s gf has a kid who’s well behaved, my guess is, if she’s engaged to a man with children, she probably feels confortable with the behavior of those children.  Kids are kids- and while you don’t always know every move they are going to make, you have a general sense of thier bahavior.  I had my son before I met my husband- if my husband and had children, and they were THAT horribly behaved, I might reconsider joining families- because at the end of the day, I need to do what’s right for my son.

    I don’t know that what I am trying to say can go perfectly into words, but I do believe the idea makes sense as a whole.  

    And even though I was mistaken about OP meeting the Fiance, I still don’t believe that makes him a “random guy”- it’s a friend’s Fiance, even is she hasn’t met him. It’s be nice to think that we *slightly* value the people we are closest with’s loved ones.  

    Post # 18
    Member
    336 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @MsGinkgo:  I personally wouldn’t invite the new fiances’ kids.  You haven’t even met him, and I don’t think you owe them that.  I mean if numbers and costs and all that stuff aren’t a concern for you during your planning and you think it’s the only way she’ll be able to make it, then it’s not completely out of place to offer his kids an invite.  But I certainly don’t think it’s necessary or expected in this situation.  I would wait and see how they RSVP or next time you chat, feel it out and see if he has his kids 24/7, or shared custody, etc…  Them not being able to come might hinder your friends ability to come.  I can honestly say I wouldn’t even consider extending the invite, but I’m limited in space for my venue, so there are definitely other people we’re not able to invite that I would prefer to include before my friends’ fiances kids that I’ve never met and have not relationship with.  If I had the space and money then sure, if it’s warranted, they could come, but that’s not the situation I’m in (not sure about yours, or if that aspect would influence the way you approach it)

     

    Post # 19
    Member
    7635 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    @MsGinkgo:  “I’ve done some facebook creeping and it looks like he has 2 kids, a boy and a girl, around the same age as B (6/7).  They seem to spend a fair amount of time with N & B so they may live with J full time – I don’t know.

    Based on that, I think you should give them the option of bringing J’s kids. Since they’re travelling, it sounds like it’d be more fun with B to travel with his (almost) step-siblings, so they might prefer to bring them.
    You should certainly invite them if they live with J full time. So the one thing you can’t do is simply not invite them without first checking that J shares custody.

    Post # 20
    Member
    370 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    If I were in the position it would be all the children, or just the couple. Inviting her child and not his might be insulting because they are a family now, and it would be failing to recognize them as such.

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