Post # 1
I need your advice on this one. 🙁
Shortly after I got engaged, one of my classmates (I’m currently finishing up on grad school) somehow invited herself to my wedding. Of course at that time I didn’t have my guest list or budget planned out yet, so I told her that I would invite her out of excitement. She is a great person, but problem is I’m not really close with her. She also has a serious bf who I have never talked to and I think she expects me to invite him too. My concern (and the reality of it) is that my reception space is limited to 200 ppl (my Fiance and I have large families and a lot of good friends), so there are other friends who I really want to be there and being a student with <span class=”Apple-style-span” style=”font-style: italic”>some help from parents, my budget is very limited.
So ultimately, I’m not really sure now if I want to invite her because 1) there are other people I’d rather invite and 2) do I really want to spend $200 on her and her bf when I’m not even close with them? How do I tell her without hurting her feelings or offending her? Or should I suck it up and just invite her and her bf?
Thanks in advance! 🙂
Post # 3
if you don’t want to invite her the best thing to do is say something like your venue has limited space and after inviting family and close friends, there won’t be enough space. it sounds like you’ll meet the 200 person capacity of your venue anyway, so this won’t even be untrue.
Post # 4
I agree with Lindsy, if not you can say that you are having a "small" wedding with just your most intimate friends and family. She’d understand that!
Post # 5
<p style=”margin: 0in 0in 0pt” class=”MsoNormal”><span style=”font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8.5pt”>Create an invitation for your guests you can’t afford to come to your reception for the wedding only indicationg that the reception is private. Make sure that you verbally communicate as you hand the invite to them or over the phone when they receive it, that though you are ecstatic to have them come to the wedding the reception had gone way over budget and is now private. Also let them know that you are happy to see them there but they shouldn’t feel obligated to give a gift. This way you can go crazy inviting all the people you want to your wedding but not your reception. …Unless your wedding and reception are at the same place.
Post # 6
Someone on the boards yesterday gave out a good tip (if it was you, please give yourself credit!). When it comes to someone you don’t want to invite, ask yourself if you never saw them again after the wedding, would it bother you? I think it’s also fair to tell her that now that you’ve looked over the guest list, you have way more family members than you expected.
But, if you really think her feelings will be hurt, this is only 2 extra people, after all. Chances are you will have a good amount RSVP "no" and you will have room.
Post # 7
I have to respectfully disagree with justme7733 above. I think it’s never appropriate to ask someone to come and celebrate your wedding with you, but not invite them to the party afterwards. Private ceremonies with bigger receptions are okay, but I think the reverse is rude.
I’d recommend talking to your friend (if you’re close enough for a frank conversation) and telling her that in the excitement of getting engaged, you extended a lot of verbal invitations (don’t single her out) that now, with the size of your fiance’s family guest list (and your own) you won’t be able to keep. Make it clear how sorry you are and that you’d love to celebrate with her, then suggest something like dinner with her and her boyfriend (maybe after you get back from your honeymoon so that you can share pictures) or a small party with those you wanted to invite but couldn’t at a later date.
I hope that helps! Good luck!
Post # 8
Ladies, thank you so much for your advice! I have a few weeks to think about this some more. I forgot to mention that we share a lot of the same friends too, so it would be definitely a hard decision. Perhaps there will be some wiggle room in the end to invite her.