(Closed) Invitation drama…why do I care?!

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
3473 posts
Sugar bee

beckybee787:  you could put her at a pretty crappy table, though. 

Post # 32
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

beckybee787:  I fully understand why your feelings would be hurt! I had a similar situation where my Fiance and I didnt recieve an invitation to his cousins wedding, but instead where included in his parents invitation… (even though we were engaged and living together at that point, and went to the engagement party as a couple!) However, I get uncomfortable during these family things, especially when it isn’t my own, so I just said nothing. It turned out to be alright though because they were sweet and addressed us by name in the seating chart and other small things. They also made me join in on all the family photos becasue I was now “apart of the family”. Things could turn around and they may just have slipped up. I always give a second chance!

Post # 33
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I would feel the same way.  I’ve had this happen to me twice, in one case I was less offended than the other.  I met my boyfriend’s family at his dad’s retirement party, it was kind of fancy and invitations were sent out.  My boyfriend and I had been together for several months at this point, his family knew about me (and my name) since the beginning, and they told him that they would love for us to come to this event together.  The invitation came to boyfriend and guest.  I joked that I would travel with him, but then he could take any other guest to the party, of course I went and was happy to meet everyone, but I was a little hurt.   But on the bright side this gives you more freedom in a way.  Go to your friend’s wedding and your Fiance can take a friend along to the wedding for company.

Post # 34
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

beckybee787:  oh man, I could have written this post last year because almost the EXACT same thing happened to me!  My fiance’s cousin and his wife got married last year and I’d met them once at a family party and they clearly knew me because we were and are Facebook friends.  They also knew we were engaged when they sent out the invites, as it was all over Facebook and the girl congratulated my fiance (only my fiance, not me) in a Facebook comment on one of our engagement announcement pictures months before they sent their invites.  I also got the “and Guest.”  I was puzzled about it and came to the conclusion that it may have been racially motivated. I am of a different racial background than my fiance and his family and the cousin’s wife. And I’ve seen her post some questionably racist things on facebook.

In the end, my fiance and I didn’t go to their wedding because we had already conveniently RSVPed to another wedding that weekend, and for other reasons of our own, we didn’t even end up inviting either the cousin and his wife or that side of the family to our wedding at all.

Long story short, I’d go to your best friend’s wedding instead. Your best friend means a lot more to you and you barely even know the cousin or cousin’s wife. You have a right to feel upset. And I hope your fiance supports you in this.  What she did was just plain rude. And you don’t have to feel obligated to invite them to your wedding either, if you have any leeway with the guest list.

Post # 35
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

beckybee787:  This would bother me, and I don’t really follow all of the etiquette standards.  Something similar happened with my uncle’s wedding a while back, but then his whole bullet-point “rules of being invited” wedding invite was…off.

If you do accept the invite, maybe ask Fiance to get in touch with them to make sure they have the correct spelling of your name.  He could hint that he wasn’t sure if they knew or not since you were invited as “guest”.  Hopefully after that, the message is politely delivered that the two of you are a unit 

Post # 36
Member
12317 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Of course it’s both incorrect and lazy, but a lot of people are uninformed and clueless. I’d assume good intentions unless proven otherwise. 

Post # 37
Member
2424 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Twenty years from now, you don’t want to be the family joke, that they addressed the invitation to “and guest” and you have had a bug up your ass ever since.

Who knows why it happened?

Post # 38
Member
2994 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

beckybee787:  not the nicest invitation.  Is it possible you’re sensitive because you waited many years for a proposal, she didn’t. They’re getting married before you too?

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  mrstodd2bee.
Post # 39
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

mrstodd2bee:  

This seems a bit harsh- no everyone desperately waits for a proposal, and not everyone treats weddings as a race…

The invite was very rude, but hopefully not intended to be. Rant, then forgive 🙂

Post # 40
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m going to give you a very honest reply, only because I’m in this situation now.  

I left off some spouses names that I didn’t know for my cousins invitation. As a stressed bride, paying for my own invites, and trying to get them out in a timely fashion, I didn’t feel like expending the energy to find his name, in addition to getting addresses, getting my laptop with my mailing list stolen, and still trying to meet my headcount deadline for the caterer, while working 50+hrs per week.

You met the bride once.  Forgetting names happens, but she left a seat for you.   If it upsets you this much, don’t go. It really bothers me when guests you aren’t close to get angry, when they don’t even have your number, call, or even facebook friend you. Also, it also amazes me how no blame goes to the Groom, when he probably provided his cousin’s name on his guest list contribution. Brides shouldn’t be so hard on other brides.  

Leaving your name off the invite was something done to make life easier for her, not intentionally offend you.  I could care less if my cousin’s fiance came, because like I said, I only met him once and don’t know his name. If you go to the wedding, you aren’t doing a favor to the bride, but for your husband who wants to support his cousin.  Wedding planning is stressful enough without petty drama.  It sucks even more when it comes from someone you’ve never been out with, called, or ever been invited to anything by.  It’s just not the serious. Maybe you and your fiance should just go to your respective weddings without a plus one.  You can go to the BFFs and he can go to his cousins.  Where I’m from, it’s done all the time, especially when travel and daycare expenses are an issue.  Plotting a way to get revenge on the bride is not the way to handle it, and if you are bothered enough to do that, you probably wouldn’t attend in the spirit of celebrating their love and union.  

PS-on my rsvp cards I left space for people to write in the names of who is attending so I could have the correct spelling/names of all attendees for place sitting. Just write your name on the response card if you intend to go, and it’ll help her remember.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  ladysugarbear.
Post # 41
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Harn Homestead

beckybee787:  I feel you on this, I got a similar invite from FI’s cousin who we know way to well, only there wasnt even an AND GUEST! They didnt even write anything just my FI’s name and thats it. They mailed it to OUR house that we have lived togher in for over a year. Not to mention they planned it in a month and was “upset” that I might not be able to come..uhh you didnt even invite me. 

I say skip it, go to your friends wedding. If I hadnt gotten off work I wasnt going to be heartborken. Still to this day they cant send things with my name on them to our house..always Fiance only. 

Post # 42
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I think this is very rude. Every invitation I have received from SO’s freinds have always included my name on their..

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