(Closed) invitation etiquette

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@statefan2013:  It’s not proper to tell people to give you cash.  You can make a small registry for things you might need/want upgrades for, or not register at all.  Don’t put it anywhere in the invitation that you prefer cash though.  Most people either get the jist when there’s a small registry, or your family could spread it through word of mouth.

Post # 4
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You don’t mention anything about a registry on any of your invitation materials regardless of where you register (or not). Registry information should be spread by word-of-mouth, and can be put on one of the last pages of your wedding website (per Martha).
That said, if you don’t register anywhere, people will know to give $$. What about a honeymoon registry, though—so people feel like they’re giving you something nice.

Post # 5
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

There is no tactful way to ask for money.  You do have some options though:

Do a small registry to stock up on linens or upgrade kitchen items. 

Don’t register at all, and spread via word of mouth that you’re saving up for XYZ…

Also, note that if you don’t have a traditional registry, you shouldn’t have a bridal shower, since showers are gift giving events.  You could have a lunch or tea instead though.

Post # 8
Member
3267 posts
Sugar bee

@statefan2013:  It is never polite to dictate what are “acceptable” gifts.  You should accept all gifts with grace, and thankfulness. If you get something you don’t want throw it out, donate it, re-gift, do whatever you want with it.

What you can do politely is have a small (or no) registry, and then most people will take the hint.  If they don’t take it, then see above.

I also find it impossible to believe that you have a house 100% full of brand new items, and that nothing needs an upgrade or replacement.  Linens, kitchen tools, etc all make lovely gifts.

Also if you have no registry, and do not want any physical gifts, then you should also skip a shower, as that is their purpose.

Post # 9
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We’re in the same boat as you…but i agree with PP that asking just isn’t very tactful. Hopefully most people will know that you have most things you need and opt to give you money. Im taking it as an opportunity to upgrade a few things and I’m sure people will still be giving you money.

Post # 10
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’d create a small registry or a honeymoon registry and then have people spread by word of mouth that you and your Fi would prefer cash.

We’re kind of in the same boat – we’ve both lived on our own for years, and now together for a few years. So not only did we have one of everything we need, we have two of many things. Other than new bed sheets and towels, there isn’t much we actually need or want.

Post # 11
Member
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

It’s very tacky to ask for cash. However, I would do a super small registry at one place with a couple of little things you need and then pass on by word of mouth you’d rather get cash.

Post # 12
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Do you have a wedding website? Certainly do not outrightly mention anything about cash, but you can say something on your website about recently purchasing a home, just wanting your guests “presence” – when I read something along those lines for weddings, I understand that the couple prefers money. Also, registering for only a few small items will indicate that money is preferred. Please know that a lot of people do like to buy a physical gift though!

As others chimed in, don’t mention anything about a registry or gifts on anything you send out.

Best of luck!

[Link removed due to self promotion policy]

Post # 13
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m in the same boat. We’re not in our 20s, have lived together for years, and don’t really need anything. Our wedding is actually going to be out of the state with a lot of people flying in from around the US and Europe. I’m essentially telling everyone ‘no gifts.’ While I can appreciate the gesture, the fact is that it’s a gift to me that they are flying out all this way, spending money on food and accomodations, just to support me in my wedding which will last maybe 6 hours.

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