Post # 1
Member
29 posts
Newbee
Hi Bees:
I’m in the process of working on the wording for my invitations and i’m running into an issue whith how to properly write our parents’ names on the invitation.
Some history on our parental dynamic:
My parents are divorced. Both my parents are in long term relationship, and my father is engaged. My FI’s parents are also divorced. HIs mother has remarried and his father recently passed away and wasn’t involved in his life. My parents and I are paying for the entire wedding.
When I began working on the wording I came up with the following for our Church Wedding:
TOGETHER WITH
MS. Jane Doe,
MR. John Smith,
AND MR. & MRS. Jack Miller
Brides Name
and
Grooms Name
REQUEST THE HONOR OF YOUR PRESENCE
AT THE CELEBRATION OF THEIR UNION
I felt this was the nicest way to do it that didnt offend anyone. My parents aren’t remarried yet so i left off their SOs and included my Mother-In-Law and my FI’s Step Dad as they are married. However my Fiance is telling me my Mother-In-Law is offended that her first name isn’t on the invitation. I was taken aback that she was hurt by the invitation wording as i felt it was on par with wedding etiquette.
She wants the invitation to read:
TOGETHER WITH
MS. Jane Doe,
MR. John Smith,
AND MR. AND MRS. Jack AND Jill Miller
Brides Name
and
Grooms Name
REQUEST THE HONOR OF YOUR PRESENCE
AT THE CELEBRATION OF THEIR UNION
I feel like it sounds weird with so many “ands”.
Thoughts, should i use the original wording or concede to my MIL’s preference.
Thanks in advance for your help Bees!
Post # 2
Member
1637 posts
Bumble bee
Etiquette is to follow people’s preference as to how they would like to be addressed (within reason — if your Mother-In-Law wanted you to write out Mrs. Jane Eyre Robinson Smith IV, the royal duchess of Wetherby Court, that would be a different discussion).
I’m not changing my last name in part because I never want to be addressed as Mrs. Husbands First Name Husbands Last Name and I would balk if my kids listed me as such on, well, anything.
Post # 3
Member
803 posts
Busy bee
Why not “together with their families”?
I agree it seems weird to have her husband’s first name (FI’s step father) and not her name, FI’s mother
Post # 4
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
I think if you really must list all the parents this is fine HOWEVER I think it would be less wordy to do this from Emily Post
Together with their families
Ms. [Miss] Andrea Jane Brigante
and
Mr. Robert Holden White
request the honour of your presence
at their marriage
Saturday, the tenth of July
two thousand seventeen
at half after four o’clock
First Congregational Church
Richmond, Virginia
and afterward at the reception
Spring Hill Golf Club
425 Oak Drive
Since your parents are paying you could also do the traditional wording of your parents issuing the invitation and then put son of Jane Smith and the late John Doe or something like that underneath your FI’s name.
FWIW Fiance and I have divorced parents and his dad is remarried to a horrible woman, so even though I wanted our parents listed out as hosts, there literally isn’t room on the invitation to list all the names. So we’re going the “together with their families” route just to circumvent the whole issue.
Post # 5
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
lavieenviolette : This is exactly what I did. My in-laws wanted us to use their entire first middle and last names. We decided it was too wordy, so we just did “Together with their parents”. We included everyone, and our invitation was less wordy.
Names were originally put on invitations so that people could know who was hosting the event. However, in this day and age, everybody pitches in, and honestly, it’s nobodys business. I would get rid of the names all together.
Post # 6
Member
29 posts
Newbee
AnonBee2019 :
lavieenviolette :
I was going to use ” Together with their families” , however my parents have put in a serveral thousand dollars into this wedding and I didn’t want them to feel that my Fiance and I were unappreciative.
lavieenviolette : I included my Fi’s parents because I knew that if i took the more traditional route and only put my parents since they were paying would be more offensive to them and my Fiance.
Post # 7
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
I wouldn’t stress too much over this. If Mother-In-Law has requested her name, I would either go ahead and put it on there or do a general “Together with their families”. It’s not worth offending your Mother-In-Law over a few extra letters.
Post # 8
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
mrsperkins18 : My parent’s are paying for the entire reception, while my in-laws are paying for cookies and the backyard bbq rehearsal dinner. Who is spending what is nowhere near equal. While I understand that you want to be appreciative, I would do that by getting them a lovely gift and a personalized note to give them during the rehearsal dinner. Just a suggestion.
Post # 9
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
how about: Mr. Jack & Mrs. Jill Miller (removes an “and”)
Post # 10
Member
2776 posts
Sugar bee
I would absolutely despise being referred to as “Mrs. Husbands Full Name” in any context so I understand where your Mother-In-Law is coming from. It’s pretty old fashioned and sexist.
Since you’re putting all of their names on the invitation anyway I would think that just saying ‘together with their families’ is kind of the same thing. But if they’re really opposed to that you coud try:
1) Just the last names
Mr. Jones, Mrs Doe,
and Mr & Mrs Smith
2) or ALL full names
Mr Jack Jones, Mrs Jane Doe
Mr John Smith & Mrs Anne Smith
Post # 11
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
I once received an invite that read as:
MS. Jane Doe and MR. John Smith
Request the honour of your presence at the wedding of their daughter
Bride’s Name
to
Groom’s Name
Son of MRS. Jill Miller
It may not suit the invitation you have in mind but it spaces everyone out more. Plus I think if anyone can be left off it’s the step father. (Though if your Fiance sees him as a father I see no reason why he can’t also be listed)
Post # 12
Member
3004 posts
Sugar bee
mrsperkins18 : Mother-In-Law is not paying, should her name even be on the invite?
Post # 13
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee
I would either do together with their families, which is what we did, and my parents paid for everything or do, your parents, your name, his name, his parent’s names. That breaks it up some. Like magpiebee up above suggested.
Post # 14
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: November 2025 - City, State
It’s suuuuuper shitty to insist on calling a woman Mrs. Husband against her express wishes. She has a name, she has asked you to use it, what’s the problem? This is a no-brainer. Why piss off your soon-to-be mother-in-law by relegating her to “wife of” status?
Post # 15
Member
8917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
mrsperkins18 : There’s nothing offensive about an invitation stating who is doing the inviting. Invitations are functional. They are not meant to “honor” anyone and I can’t figure out where this idea started, that it’s some kind of honor to be named on an invitation. The names are just on there to tell the recipient who is inviting them, and what they’re invited to. Here is what goes through people’s mind when they read names on an invitation: “Jane and John Smith are inviting us to something. What are they inviting us to? Oh, the wedding for their daughter Jessica to some boy named Jason. Wait, who are John and Jane Smith, do we know these people? Oh look, Jason is the son of Judy and James Brown — we know them! How exciting, little Jason is grown up and getting married!” That’s it! If your parents are paying a good portion and you’re paying the rest, I would let the your parents serve as hosts, and use the traditional wording since it works perfectly well: Ms Jane Doe and Mr John Smith request the honor… at the wedding of their daughter Bride to Groom, son of Ms Jill Miller and the Late James LastName (if any of groom’s dad’s relatives will be invited and groom wants to be sure they know it’s his wedding). This isn’t offensive in any way. It’s giving guests the info they need about the event, which is the sole purpose of an invitation. If you want to cram everyone’s names on there, you should use everyone’s preferred names.
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