Invitation Etiquette Issue, Please Help!

posted 2 years ago in Paper
  • poll: Which wording should I use?
    My original wording : (4 votes)
    22 %
    My MIL's preference : (14 votes)
    78 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1637 posts
    Bumble bee

    Etiquette is to follow people’s preference as to how they would like to be addressed (within reason — if your Mother-In-Law wanted you to write out Mrs. Jane Eyre Robinson Smith IV, the royal duchess of Wetherby Court, that would be a different discussion).

    I’m not changing my last name in part because I never want to be addressed as Mrs. Husbands First Name Husbands Last Name and I would balk if my kids listed me as such on, well, anything. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    803 posts
    Busy bee

    Why not “together with their families”?

     

    I agree it seems weird to have her husband’s first name (FI’s step father) and not her name, FI’s mother

    Post # 4
    Member
    404 posts
    Helper bee

    I think if you really must list all the parents this is fine HOWEVER I think it would be less wordy to do this from Emily Post

     

    Together with their families

    Ms. [Miss] Andrea Jane Brigante

    and

    Mr. Robert Holden White

    request the honour of your presence

    at their marriage

    Saturday, the tenth of July

    two thousand seventeen

    at half after four o’clock

    First Congregational Church

    Richmond, Virginia

    and afterward at the reception

    Spring Hill Golf Club

    425 Oak Drive

     

    Since your parents are paying you could also do the traditional wording of your parents issuing the invitation and then put son of Jane Smith and the late John Doe or something like that underneath your FI’s name. 

    FWIW Fiance and I have divorced parents and his dad is remarried to a horrible woman, so even though I wanted our parents listed out as hosts, there literally isn’t room on the invitation to list all the names. So we’re going the “together with their families” route just to circumvent the whole issue. 

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    509 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    lavieenviolette :  This is exactly what I did.  My in-laws wanted us to use their entire first middle and last names.  We decided it was too wordy, so we just did “Together with their parents”.  We included everyone, and our invitation was less wordy.  

    Names were originally put on invitations so that people could know who was hosting the event.  However, in this day and age, everybody pitches in, and honestly, it’s nobodys business.  I would get rid of the names all together.

    Post # 7
    Member
    360 posts
    Helper bee

    I wouldn’t stress too much over this. If Mother-In-Law has requested her name, I would either go ahead and put it on there or do a general “Together with their families”. It’s not worth offending your Mother-In-Law over a few extra letters. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    509 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    mrsperkins18 :  My parent’s are paying for the entire reception, while my in-laws are paying for cookies and the backyard bbq rehearsal dinner.  Who is spending what is nowhere near equal. While I understand that you want to be appreciative, I would do that by getting them a lovely gift and a personalized note to give them during the rehearsal dinner.  Just a suggestion.

    Post # 9
    Member
    220 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    how about: Mr. Jack & Mrs. Jill Miller (removes an “and”)

    Post # 10
    Member
    2776 posts
    Sugar bee

    I would absolutely despise being referred to as “Mrs. Husbands Full Name” in any context so I understand where your Mother-In-Law is coming from. It’s pretty old fashioned and sexist. 

    Since you’re putting all of their names on the invitation anyway I would think that just saying ‘together with their families’ is kind of the same thing. But if they’re really opposed to that you coud try:

    1) Just the last names 

    Mr. Jones, Mrs Doe,
    and Mr & Mrs Smith

    2) or ALL full names 

    Mr Jack Jones, Mrs Jane Doe
    Mr John Smith & Mrs Anne Smith

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    207 posts
    Helper bee

     I once received an invite that read as:

    MS. Jane Doe and MR. John Smith

    Request the honour of your presence at the wedding of their daughter 

    Bride’s Name

    to

    Groom’s Name

    Son of MRS. Jill Miller

     

    It may not suit the invitation you have in mind but it spaces everyone out more. Plus I think if anyone can be left off it’s the step father. (Though if your Fiance sees him as a father I see no reason why he can’t also be listed)

    Post # 12
    Member
    3004 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    mrsperkins18 :  Mother-In-Law is not paying,  should her name even be on the invite?

    Post # 13
    Member
    1123 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1995

    I would either do together with their families, which is what we did, and my parents paid for everything or do, your parents, your name, his name, his parent’s names.  That breaks it up some.  Like magpiebee up above suggested.  

    Post # 14
    Member
    327 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2025 - City, State

    It’s suuuuuper shitty to insist on calling a woman Mrs. Husband against her express wishes.  She has a name, she has asked you to use it, what’s the problem?  This is a no-brainer.  Why piss off your soon-to-be mother-in-law by relegating her to “wife of” status?

    Post # 15
    Member
    8917 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    mrsperkins18 :  There’s nothing offensive about an invitation stating who is doing the inviting. Invitations are functional. They are not meant to “honor” anyone and I can’t figure out where this idea started, that it’s some kind of honor to be named on an invitation. The names are just on there to tell the recipient who is inviting them, and what they’re invited to. Here is what goes through people’s mind when they read names on an invitation: “Jane and John Smith are inviting us to something. What are they inviting us to? Oh, the wedding for their daughter Jessica to some boy named Jason. Wait, who are John and Jane Smith, do we know these people? Oh look, Jason is the son of Judy and James Brown — we know them! How exciting, little Jason is grown up and getting married!” That’s it! If your parents are paying a good portion and you’re paying the rest, I would let the your parents serve as hosts, and use the traditional wording since it works perfectly well: Ms Jane Doe and Mr John Smith request the honor… at the wedding of their daughter Bride to Groom, son of Ms Jill Miller and the Late James LastName (if any of groom’s dad’s relatives will be invited and groom wants to be sure they know it’s his wedding). This isn’t offensive in any way. It’s giving guests the info they need about the event, which is the sole purpose of an invitation. If you want to cram everyone’s names on there, you should use everyone’s preferred names.

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