(Closed) Invitation etiquette Qs!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i read in martha stewart weddings today that the RSVP line/card wasn’t traditionally required since guests would do it on their own and what we think of as the tradition was fueled by brides wanting to make it as easy as possible to get their guest counts done.  if darcy miller/sue tallyrand or whoever does their etiquette stuff says it isn’t rude to exclude the RSVPs, i think you’re fine. 

also, i don’t think you ought to invite a married person without their spouse (i wouldn’t want to feel obligated to leave mine at home) or dictate who brings whom (other than limiting a plus one to a spouse).  if you want the married friend to attend, i think you have to invite her and her spouse as a separate couple.  if you want your Father-In-Law to get a plus one, i’d give him the honor of choosing his own guest.  just my two cents.  best of luck!

Post # 4
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

No, RSVP cards are NOT necessary! In fact, as little as a couple dozen years ago, they were considered noveau riche and actually improper. The last wedding I hosted all the guests quite properly wrote their own RSVP notes on their own note-paper. That was 12 years ago, of course, and for an over-forty bride whose friends were probably more old-fashioned than the average wedding guest. But it does show how RSVP cards, though very common nowadays, are actually not traditional nor required by etiquette.

Modern social manners are that we generally communicate by telephone, email or text message. If your friends prefer to RSVP to you by those media, there is actually nothing really improper about it — they’re still making a personal response and giving you the answer you need. And if they’re old-fashioned sticklers for correct form, then they should know how to write you a note.

Post # 5
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Could you just buy some nice paper and print out reply cards? Or, in lieu of that, make sure you put your wedding website address on there and have it set up so guests can RSVP that way. 

Ditto the PP… I would never invite a married guest without addressing their spouse as well. I think that would create a highly awkward situation. 

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