Invitation for a shower demanding cash & gift cards?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: go and take a monetary gift

    don’t go but still send a monetary gift

    don’t go and don’t give a monetary gift


  • Post # 46
    153 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    View original reply
    WillowBee33 :  I don’t think she is saying it is OK to ask for money with a cute poem.  It is never OK to ask for money at all.  Honeyfunds, Cash Registries, Gift Cards, all are a no go.  They are all extremely rude and tacky.

    Showers are for physical gifts and if she didn’t want presents, she shouldn’t be having a shower.

    Post # 48
    5624 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    View original reply
    happiekrappie :  The other reason could be standards.  You mention her high salary so maybe she is used to splurging on nicer things but didn’t want to have a registry of pricey items that made people feel pressured so with a gift card they can give what they want and then the couple can use them for the item they want.  

    I think people would be used as vocal if someone had a registry of only expensive items, so there is no real winning sometimes.

    Post # 49
    1608 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    View original reply
    happiekrappie :  you seriously sound like a terrible friend. You are making so many assumptions about this person, and all of your poll options are for you to not attend. 

    Post # 50
    1250 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 1983

    A “cute poem” does not soften a rude request. It just adds bad verse and a tone of “We think we’re being adorable and softening a rude request.”

    Post # 51
    13655 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    View original reply
    libellules :  95% of those responding would disagree with that assessment. OP is not the one being inappropriate here.  Whether or not I’d suck it up, shut my mouth and attend would depend on the nature of the relationship. 

    Post # 53
    1506 posts
    Bumble bee

    I have to agree with some previous posters here, maybe it’s because I’m British and registries and showers are not ingrained in our culture, but I don’t see the big issue. I’ve attended two baby showers and neither of them had a registry or asked for gift cards/cash, and that to me is polite and good etiquette. Creating a registry for any event is gift grabby, just as saying you would prefer gift cards and cash is, there’s literally no difference in the two.

    This is a common issue on the wedding bee and I’ve heard all the justifications for why a registry isn’t gift grabby, but asking for cash is and none of them actually make sense. In both situations you’re trying to dictate what somebody gifts you, dressing a registry up as “politely steering someone towards” or “a helpful suggestion” or “something that has to be hunted for” doesn’t change the fact it’s a list you’ve created of things you want people to buy you. That’s tacky to me. 

    I think it’s very hypocritical to say a registry is fine, but suggesting cash/gift cards instead of presents isn’t, good etiquette would be doing neither and not trying to influence what people gift you. 

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