(Closed) invitation for a widow?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i addressed all widows as mrs. jane doe.

to be technically correct, your other invites should read “mrs. jane and mr. john doe.” you’re not supposed to break up the man’s name.

Post # 5
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have several widows as well and was told by FI’s grandmother (who is a widow) that she would prefer Mrs. Jane Doe rather than using the husband’s first name at all.

I was, however unaware about the Mr. and Mrs. John Smith being incorrect.  I have all of mine currently set up as Mr. and Mrs. Husband’s First Name/Last Name.  We’re supposed to include both their first names for the Mr. and Mrs.?

Post # 5
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have several widows as well and was told by FI’s grandmother (who is a widow) that she would prefer Mrs. Jane Doe rather than using the husband’s first name at all.

I was, however unaware about the Mr. and Mrs. John Smith being incorrect.  I have all of mine currently set up as Mr. and Mrs. Husband’s First Name/Last Name.  We’re supposed to include both their first names for the Mr. and Mrs.?

Post # 6
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

no I think she was just doing that because she is feminist. . .”Mr & Mrs John Doe” is correct.

Post # 8
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

DH’s grandma is a widow and we did it Mrs. Jane Doe because she still likes being called that when there is a chance.

Post # 9
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Your grandmothers are so progressive! My grandmom’s invitation was address Mrs. John Doe.  I’ve been addressing letters to her that way since I was 8!

Post # 10
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@milesbella:mr. and mrs. john smith is the traditional, correct wording. if you want to include the woman’s name, it’s mrs. jane and mr. john smith.

Post # 11
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

My grandmother insists on being Mrs. John Doe (she is widowed).  Honestly, there is no way for you to know what everyone would prefer.  I would probably default to Mrs. Jane Doe.  It is her name after all.  My grandmother would be annoyed and I’m sure there are others who would be too.. but it’s unlikely they will say anything to you.

Post # 12
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee

Correct form is to address each guest as he or she wishes to be addressed. If you don’t know how they like to be addressed, get your close female relatives who are their peers, to find out for you. If a widow wishes to be addressed as “Mrs John Smith”, then suck up your feminist principles and let your courteous principles prevail. But, if it is any consolation, correct form on the inner envelope or write-in line is to forego the given name altogether and just write “Mrs Smith”. The given name is correctly used together with the title and surname **only** for business purposes (and delivery by the Post Service counts as a business purpose).

If you have no way whatsoever to find out the guest’s preference, then and only then do you resort to a default. You will be pleased to know that according to official protocol in Canada, at least, the current default should be “Mr John Smith and Ms Jane Smith” for a couple, and “Ms Jane Smith” for a lady. The “Mrs John Smith” default was changed in the 1980’s.

Post # 13
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I would do Mrs. Jane Doe unless I knew that she preferred to be called Mrs. John Doe. I also haaaaaate leaving the woman’s name off out of principle, and won’t do it unless I know for certain that it is the recipient’s preference.

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