Invitation help please

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
9688 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

For anyone in a relationship you need to find out the name of thier SO and address it to both of them.

For any truly single guest “and guest” is fine if they are allowed a +1.

Adults get thier own invites, even if they live with another adult also invited to the wedding – so yes multiple invites to the same address.

I didn’t use inner envelopes as I have no idea what they are for and it seemed like a waste of paper.

Post # 3
6810 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

mariah811 :  Inner envelopes do not matter. You don’t need them. 

Simply address the outer envelope to who specifically is invited. So yes, that would mean putting “Mr. John Adams & Guest” on the envelope. 

As for the two sisters living together, are they also being given +1s? If so, I’d send them each their own invitation addressed the same as above. 

ETA: If any of these people are in relationships, then their SOs should be invited with them by name. A SO is not the same thing as a +1. A +1 is for truly single guests who are allowed to literally bring anyone they want as their guest. 

Post # 4
4910 posts
Honey bee

I say you do both. You should get to know the name of the guest (i.e. their wife, girlfriend, husband, etc.). Here’s what I did (A modern take) on what is usual. I know many friends that hate being Mrs. John Smith when their name is Jane. So here’s what I did:


1.) The married couple (Mr and Mrs. John and Sandy Smith)

2.) The married couple different last names (Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Sandy Jones)

3.) The living togehter couple (Mr. Bob Smith and Ms. Sally Jones)

4.) The non couple living together – Depends on family structure.

5.) Two friends at same address = two separate invitations

6.) Family all invited (Either I listed them all out or I said “The Jones’ Family)

7.) Same sex couple – Mr. John Smith and Mr. Bob Jones

8.) For the friend who lives with her sister you can EITHER do the family one or if they each get a plus one, do two separate inviations.



Post # 6
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

mariah811 :  I’m doing inside envelopes because we’re not inviting children. And I want to make it very apparent who in the house we’re inviting. Also, there are some families with multiple last names, some people who live together with a child of the dad’s last name. It’s just too much to put on an outside envelope.

Also, I will send you a private message about your invites :o)

Post # 7
411 posts
Helper bee

Inner envelopes are absolutely necessary in my opinion!  They are for the guests to send back their RSVP..meaning you should have an inner envelope that is already addressed (back to you) and stamped.  A lot of people won’t send RSVPs back or will be lazy about it if they have to buy their own envelopes or stamps.

Post # 8
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

hawkeyebride2be :  That envelope is for the RSVP/Response card. There’s an inside envelope that lists the names of whom you’re inviting. So an envelope inside an invite card that is held by the inside envelope that is all within the outside envelope. Traditionally the outside envelope is addressed to the head of the house.

Make sense? lol

Post # 9
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

hawkeyebride2be :  inner envelopes are different from the envelope included with RSVP cards. Like anthonyswife :  alluded to, the inner envelope helps to make clear specifically who is invited to the wedding. Traditionally they were a necessity for presentation purposes because way back when, mail would get soiled/beat up in transport, so you wanted an extra layer to keep things looking nice. Now, not as necessary. 

Post # 10
640 posts
Busy bee

mariah811 :  Im using inner envelopes because they were included in my stationary package (But I dont think you NEED them). Outer envelope is addressed to the main person, and the inner envelope lists all of the people invited (two names, and guest, family, etc). 

As far as guests go, you are supposed to figure out the guest and write their name. However, I reached out to several of the men invited, and they wanted a simple “and guest” listed on theirs because they had not made up their mind on their date yet. 

Post # 11
33 posts
  • Wedding: August 2016

Trust me, you are not alone. Most people have no idea where to start with wedding invitations! I work for wedding stationery company, so I could definitely help you with some of these questions!

• Envelopes:
Inner & Outer envelopes are mostly a formality that go way back in stationery ettiquette. These days, it’s really common for brides to only use one envelope (to save paper and cut costs, etc), while others love the idea because it’s very traditional.

The general idea is that the Outer Envelope (the mailing envelope), usually gets dirty or marked as it goes through the mail, and is generally torn open and thrown away. The guest is then left with a clean pristine inner envelope to hold onto in the long term, which is especially helpful if you have multiple enclosure cards, like a card with accommodations, directions or other important details. Everyone else is right, it’s pretty much just a formality that’s not really necessary…it just depends on your own taste and budget.

• Plus Ones & Addressing:
If you do use an inner envelope, that’s traditionally where you would note a guest. For example, if you were inviting your single BFF, and wanted to give her a date, you would address the outer envelope to “Ms. Jane Smith”, and then on the inner envelope, you would write “Ms. Jane Smith and guest”. 

As everyone else mentioned, you can also just address the mailing envelope to include the names of the guests invited if you don’t do inners. You can also include a line on the response card (these two are probably the ones we reccommend most often):

 ____ of ____ guests will attend  (you fill in the second line) or

We have reserved ______ seats in your honor


These are also a subtle way to let people know if the invitation will include their children (if they have two children and all are invited, you would put 4 and can address the envelope to “The Smith Family”.

I love Sweatergal007’s advice for addressing — that’s pretty much exactly how I did it too! I would just add that a good rule of thumb is that adults age 18+ get their own invitation (either as a couple, alone, or with a plus one). Anyone under 18 can be considered a child and included in the “family” group invitation.

Lastly, just some overall advice…if you happen to know that certain guests HATE their formal name, or prefer a diffrent title, do what makes them most comfortable. Etiquette is all about being gracious and courteous to your guests. At the end of the day, it’s your wedding, and you know yourself, your wedding style and your guests the best, so do what makes you happy.



Post # 12
3560 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

mariah811 :  as others have mentioned, you can skip the inner envelopes if you’d like. 

Heres what I will say though – I’m not a fan of putting “and guest” on an outer envelope. It feels strange as the “guest” does not reside where you are mailing the invite. Typically, if you have inner and outer, you only put “and guest” on the inner envelope. While many will put it on the outer envelope, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. And emily post agrees – she suggests that if you choose to forgo the inner envelopes, and are inviting unnamed guests, then it’s best to include a note in the invitation that tells your guest they are welcome to bring a guest to the wedding. They should then provide you with said guest’s name upon rsvping. This is what I did for the few +1s we had. 

Post # 15
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

mariah811 :  No, you were correct. The self-addressed RSVP envelope is completely different from the inner envelope. 

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