Post # 1
My fiancee and I are having an adult wedding in DC in a fairly small venue (60) and family offered to fill in and send our invitations. We are also having a reception in CA which will be family friendly.
In order to ensure people did not bring a guest we did not know or small children, I designed the RSVP cards to state __ of ___ will be attending and asked that the second blank be filled in with the correct number of adults (1 or 2). I have not even seen the invitations as they were sent directly to family in CA, who filled in and mailed the cards.
I am getting my invitations back and in some the second blank has been left empty and in others, those with small children, the total family (4-5) has been filled in to reflect all family members.
OMG! What a heartburn. Thankfully all so far have been declines, but what is the etiquette on how to handle this when the mistake is obviously with the wedding party.
Do I just wait until someone responds positively with all family included? I had already told my friends with small children that this was an adult only wedding. But they may believe we changed our minds. Though most of my friends on the west coast with kids were going to attend the reception in California over the wedding in DC.
Any help on how to proceed on this would be wonderful.
Post # 3
Oh dear… that is a problem.
Do you know how many people were actually invited? If you can’t guess at the number your bridal party accidentally invited, you could call up whoever addressed the invitations and ask them to run you through the guestlist. Then you will have an idea if it is only children that would make your guestlist run over or if they invited extra adults as well.
Can you host a few extras above the sixty? Or is that a venue or cost cutoff for you?
Unpleasant though it is, I think if you will not allow children, you should immediately call up all the people with children who were accidentally invited. The parents would not know you didn’t do the mailing yourself; from your guests’ point of view, you have invited them and their two or three children. By the time you receive their RSVP card back with a yes response a few days before your RSVP deadline, they might already have booked off work and made travel plans to DC with their children in tow.
I think the ideal thing etiquette-wise would be to host everyone who rsvp’s to your invitation with a yes– and never let them know their invite was accidental– but if that’s not possible, you must call them up quickly and explain. Try not to place too much blame on the ones who did try to help you by sending the invites. Just apologize profusely.
It might cause hurt feelings to uninvite people. It will cause even more if you uninvite them after they have decided to come!
If you want something done right… I’d suggest you do the calling yourself instead of leaving it to the bridal party. Good luck!
Post # 4
Thank you- I thought I would have to make that call. I really wish I did not have to, but that ship has sailed.