Post # 1
Hello! I am working on my wedding invitations and was hoping I could get some help. My fiance and I want to let guests know that this is an adult only wedding, but we are inviting some children like his brother (yes, my fiances brother is 10! lol) and a couple close cousins. We are having an evening wedding and we just want to make sure everyone does not bring their kids. I think we counted over 30 children all under the age of three and we do not want that.
Is it rude to put on the invitation “Adult’s Only” (this would be worderd differently), and then invite some children and call and let them know it doesn’t pertain to them? Please let me know how you would go about it. It would be so greatly appreciated! 😀
Post # 2
I would just address the invitations to the people who are actually invited. If the RSVP cards come back with additional children added (and hopefully they won’t because people will understand who is invited by the envelope), then you can let those people know that you can’t accomodate their children.
Post # 3
It’s rude to put “adults only” on the invitation regardless, but a lot of people ignore that.
It’s confusing, and will probably tick people off, to put it on the invitation and then have it clearly and obviously not be true.
It is not rude to invite only adults, nor is it rude to invite some children and not others. Invite who you want to invite, specify their names on the invitation, and make sure that the RSVP cards indicate the actual number of seats you are reserving and/or the exact names of who is invited. That way you can cut off any ‘misunderstandings’ at the pass.
Post # 4
You should address each invitation to the specific people you are inviting, which in most cases will be adults only. So just address it to “John & Jane Doe,” not “The Does,” for example, which would be ambiguous if they have kids.
For the families where you want kids invited, address it to everyone: “John, Jane, Li’l Jane Doe.”
Everyone will most likely tell you that putting “Adults only” (or something to that effect) is considered rude (because it’s exclusionary language on an invitation), and it’s especially rude to say “adults only” but then invite children.
Post # 5
Thanks for the advice girls! We were going to just put the names on invites as suggested, but the fiance has some people in his family who would ignore that and bring their children anyway. That’s what I was worried about.
Is it rude to just address the invites and add something along the lines of it being an adult reception on the wedding website?
Post # 6
But….it *isn’t* an adult reception. You really shouldn’t be trying to call it that, when it clearly isn’t, and it will be obvious that it isn’t on the day.
You don’t want rude people to bring uninvited guests. That’s completely understandable. But labeling your event ‘adults only’, either on the invitation or the website, will be inaccurate, confusing, and probably offensive.
Post # 7
vivaciousbride1989: Definitely on the wedding website not the invitation.
Post # 8
We are going to invite some people’s children but not others’ (kids of family members only). I’m planning on having the RSVP cards say “___ seats have been reserved in your honor” and filling in the blank with the number of people the invitation is intended for. It seems from some of the threads on here that guests often don’t pick up on the fact that the invitation is not addressed to their entire family even if you only put the parents’ names on the envelope.
I wouldn’t put “adults only reception” anywhere – not on the invitations or your website – for the simple fact that it’s not true if there will be some kids there. People seem to be really touchy about their kids not being invited, so your guests may notice and be annoyed. Good luck!
Post # 9
It is not rude to invite some children and not others, but it’s a good idea to draw the lines consistently, ie all children of cousins or none, if you want to avoid hurt feelings. That goes for people who think children in the wedding party are an exception, which they aren’t.
Address the invitations in the names of those whom you are inviting. Children’s names can go on the inner envelope, if there is one, and on the outer if there is not. Some people prefer to send a separate kids invitation.
As I said in the other thread, it is always rude to use an invitation to do anything but offer hospitality. “Adults Reception” etc. is never appropriate. Imagine that your guests are intelligent and polite enough not to add guests ininvited and deal with anyone who is not individually.
Post # 10
Thanks for the advice. That’s exactly the problem. I noticed that people just bring the family even if it is not addressed that way. That’s what I was afraid of.
Post # 11
I think one way to do it would be put a “FAQ” section on your website where it could say something like:
Q: Can I bring my children and/or a guest to the wedding?
A: We would love to accomodate everyone, but unfortunately, because of space constraints, we can only accomodate guests who were named on the invitation. Please reach out to us if you have any specific questions!
Some people still might miss that, but if it’s on the FAQ it’s not as “in your face” as putting “ADULTS ONLY.”
Post # 12
We had a line on our invites that said “Number of guests attending” for guests to fill in. If that number was more than the number of people invited, we made a polite but awkward phone call.
Post # 13
Whatever you do, just don’t give mixed messages.
If you intend to invite some children, but not all children, invite those children as you’d invite the adults by including their names on the invite.
Do not do this and still have all your invites say “adults only”. Do not do this and have on the website “adults only” / “adult only reception”. This will only bring confusion to the families whose children you invited, and will look sneaky to those whose children you didn’t invite (when they see other children present).
I’d rather risk being a little rude by seeming very upfront than having an awkward situation where uninvited children show up — therefore, I’d make mention on the site something like “We’re so looking forward to spending our big day with all of you. We have reached the venue’s capacity, so please be sure to RSVP.” Something like this should tip off people that there simply ISN’T room to bring their +1 or +2s.
Alternatively, if all the children you’re looking to invite are all of a certain age, you can make a cut-off, like “Children over the age of 9 are welcome to attend.” Some may think that’s “rude”, but again, it’s your day, and you call the shots.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t put Adults Only because you are inviting children. Instead use a RSVP card like this:
And fill in how many seats they have. This should be enough to prevent anyone from assuming their kids are invited. If a guests can’t figure this out, I doubt an ‘Adults Only’ label will be any more helpful. I’d be wary of labeling it as such because I’d be annoyed if I paid for childcare for an Adults only reception and there are a bunch of kids running around.
Post # 15
Thanks for all the great responses! 😀