Post # 1
FDIL’s parents aren’t helping with wedding planning, costs, or anything (our son even bought her dress). So we’re gladly helping them out as much as we possibly can – which means everthing is falling to us considering they live out of state and will arrive literally the day before the wedding. I’m just worried things could get sticky with the invites.
The two families are already at odds, so to keep things on an even keel I figured to word the invitations simply and without saying who the hosts are:
The honor of your presence is requested at the wedding celebration of (bride) and (groom) as they are united in marriage … date … particulars … …
A close friend of mine had spoken to FDIL recently and learned about some of the tensions … she told me I should for sure have Darling Husband & my names on the invites as the hosts (Mr. & Mrs.) request the honor of your presence … etc.
I’m just worried that will cause more waves, regardless that we ARE the hosts. Thoughts?
Post # 2
Honestly, this is up to you. What’s more important to you, letting everyone know you are the hosts or keeping the peace in an spread tense situation.
Post # 3
valerius: Your suggestion is not wrong. It does however not give the guests any idea re who is hosting. Note, I said hosting, not paying.
If you want to be acknowledged as the hosts, check with your son and FDIL to see what they think.
Commonly used phrasing “Together with their families, ___ and ____ …” is another choice of wording. It also doesn’t tell people who is hosting, rather it lets guests think everyone is. People seem to manage, just fine.
Post # 4
We are saying “Together with their families, Elizabeth Ann and Andrew Hughston request your presence at their wedding” that way no one’s toes get stepped on. However, it is up to you!
Post # 5
First of all I want to say that there is nothing wrong with a family not contributing to the costs of a couple’s wedding. The parents do not have to pay for everything. The cost of a wedding is a good first test to the financial trials a couple will go through. Not saying that it’s bad for parents to contribute, but just because her family can’t or doesn’t want to take part doesn’t make them bad.
The wedding invitations should be more about the couple getting married. Perhaps on their wedding website you can say somewhere that the wedding is being hosted by you. But, it is your money so it’s really your choice, not anyone elses.
Post # 6
As you are the ones paying and hosting, I’d say it’s really up to you.
If you don’t mind not being recognized as the sole hosts, you could say something like ” bride and groom, together with their families…” so you can keep the peace. If it’s really important to you to have your names on the invitation, there’s no reason not to since you are the hosts.
Post # 7
I would be more worried about my son, and wondering if he is getting a prenup. I never heard of the bride or her family not paying for her dress.
Post # 8
Say “together with their families” if you want to keep the peace, and trust that your son will find a sincere, personal way to thank you for all that you’re doing for his wedding.
I’ve always wondered why anyone need to know who hosts the wedding? It’s always sounded like a way of saying “these people paid for the wedding and therefore get the privilege of having their names listed on the invitation,” rather than a grateful acknowledgement of the financial contribution.
Post # 9
My parents are paying for the wedding, but the venue is at my FIL’s house, so we will be saying ‘together with their families’
Post # 10
Thanks everyone! I tried to word the post in such a way as to NOT put emphasis on “who’s paying for the wedding” … when all is said and done … I guess we’ll see how that part pans out. I guess what bothers me is that there doesn’t seem like they want to do … well, much of anything. So what names get listed on the invites is really less about who pays vs. who’s hosting. I know, I know, the two usually go hand-in-hand, but lots of family on our side are pitching in. We’re keeping it as low-budget as humanly possible (around 1K I’m estimating) but it’s a LOT of W-O-R-K!
At this point, I’ll just make 2 versions of the invite, send them both, and they can choose.
Post # 11
We go by the no pay, no say rule. Who are you looking to approve it – the bride/groom or the FDIL’s family?
Post # 12
valerius: It doesn’t matter what your friend thinks. You could find out that other friends of yours think the opposite. In end, what do the bride and groom prefer? It’s their invitation, their wedding. Do you feel so strongly that you need “credit” for hosting and paying that you want to have it in writing for all to see? As a bride with some parents paying/helping and others not, I chose to leave off parents’ names altogether from the invitations, so as not to ruffle any feathers or call anyone out as a “non-host”. In my situation, the parent who WAS paying did not mind one little bit and neither did anyone else.