Invitation with RSVP date 6+ months in advance. How to respond?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@philodendron:  “I’d love to attend but I can’t commit because I don’t know my school schedule. Is it ok if I give a tentative yes now; and I let you know for sure about a month before the wedding?”

I’ve never heard of an RSVP date that early. That is really weird.

Post # 4
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I got a wedding invitation this year 11 months in advance. It was a destination wedding for a few family/friends (the couple migrated here from Europe, so I can understand giving the Euro rellies advance notice, but I thought that is what Save-The-Date Cards were for?). It had no RSVP date on it either. So naturally I did not respond straight away because Fiance was unemployed and looking for work overseas/interstate and you’s nearly a year away! Well I then got an email about a month later asking me to please RSVP. Obviously they do not read weddingbee to know how this stuff works, lol.  (Also, I am one of their ‘friendor’s so they knew I was going to be there anyway.)

Post # 5
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

She’s probably hoping you will take off for her wedding so she’s telling you so far in advance. Still weird though.

Post # 6
79 posts
Worker bee

I’ve had to do this fairly regularly and I personally appreciate the extra advance notice since I live far away from my family and friends who have gotten married. I handled it by getting in touch with the bride/groom and letting them know my situation. Simple as that! Everyone has been very generous with me and I’ve always been up front about the likelihood of me going. The etiquette sticklers will probably frown on me because I think I’ve only RSVP’d one time (a definite no) but I’ve had 3 other weddings where it was a “if I can afford a plane ticket by x month, then I will go”. If the bride/groom wanted an answer immediately, then I would put myself down as a regretfully decline. I’ve been very clear at least one month prior whether I could make it or not. One lovely friend said I could tell her a couple weeks in advance (when the head count was due). 

Post # 7
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014


We sent our RSVP/save the dates (not official invitations, these will come after) at the end of last month (Sept) and our wedding is in May…  that’s 8 months in advance to RSVP for our destination wedding.  Our thinking was–  you could request to take off of work very early in advance- you may already know if you could afford it, granted things do happen and people will RSVP yes and can’t come in the end- if you can’t make a saturday wedding bc of school… well, we would think you couldn’t make it bc of a saturday final.

Maybe she is having only a limited amount of guests and for people that respond no it allows her to invite other people that she is wanting to invite?  Or like us, she is giving people ample time to save $$ to travel for our wedding if they really want to go.


Post # 8
7220 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

 I have seen this pop up a couple of times on the bee now and I think it’s strange. I think an STD is a great way to get information out but an RSVP this early is… too early IMO. 

If I were in this situation I would RSVP no.


Post # 9
13017 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would likely respond no.  I think it’s insanely early to request someone respond, and I wouldn’t try to finagle my schedule or try to set things in stone that far in advance unless it was someone I was really close to.  (I also have no problem getting last-minute vacation time, so that’s not an issue for me)

If I thought I might want to go, I’d respond yes but actually decide about going later.  It may not be the most polite thing to do, but neither is sending an invitation with an RSVP date 8 months in advance.  To think, I thought it was silly to get an invitation 3 months before the wedding (after receiving a STD, so I was aware of the date!) 

Post # 10
3770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

If it’s destination, they’re probably giving (arguably too much) advance notice to ensure that everyone can get time off/make travel arrangements/etc.  I don’t think it’s that big a deal; they probably have good intentions.  If you would go, I don’t think it’s out of line to shoot them an email or a call and let them know that you won’t know until xx date, when you get your school/work/whatever schedule in.

Post # 10
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’m glad I read this post because I am just about to attend a wedding in Mexico that sent their actual invitations with the RSVP cards 1 YEAR in advance. There is no way that the venue would need the final head count that early and I think that is selfish to expect people to make that kind of commitment. Save the dates 1 year in advance, yes definitely. The actual RSVP should be about 3 months in advance for a destination wedding. Maybe 6 months maximum for an extreme situation. Other than that it is just plain ridiculous. 

Post # 11
2 posts
  • Wedding: August 2017

If I received an invitation with a request to RSVP far advance, I certainly wouldn’t be offended or anything. Let’s keep this in perspective. Someone loves and cares about you enough to want you to be there for one of the most momentous occasions of their lives!

If I didn’t think I could commit by the requested date, I’d contact the person to explain. This actually happened once, and I had to let the person know that I’d be starting a new job and needed to wait to ask for time off. The couple said that was fine, and they didn’t need a completely exact headcount until a few weeks before the wedding, they just wanted to book shuttles, create handmade centerpeices, etc, and having an approximate count far ahead was really helpful to them (for them it was 5 months, but same principles apply).

For anyone who’s reading this and is on the planning end of a wedding, good luck, and remember, people will tell you there are a LOT of “rules” about wedding planning, but as long as you are considerate, you really can do your own thing!

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