(Closed) Invitation wording dilemma! please help!!!!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: So, help me solve this dilemma, which invite wording is best?
    your original choice : (11 votes)
    85 %
    the second option : (1 votes)
    8 %
    neither go with something different ((please post suggestions)) : (1 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1724 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I think it’s a newer concept for everyone to be paying for the wedding, so maybe your Mother-In-Law is thinking it needs to be traditional…but since everyone is paying a pretty good chunk, I would use the first one.

    Post # 4
    Member
    853 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    At the top of mine it says:

    Together with their parents

    Mrs & Mrs My Name and Mr & Mrs His Name

     

    Maybe you could just list all the names?

    Together with their parents

    List all names here and be done with it!

    Post # 5
    Member
    786 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    Is your wedding formal? or less formal? That would probably help you decide. The second one is definitely more formal. However, the 2nd indicates that your parents are hosting. Its traditional for the brides family to host the wedding, but if that’s not what’s actually happening (as is common of course these days), that wording is not necessary and not really accurate.

    My brother had a semi formal wedding (suits and ties, but not black tie) and they opted to use your 1st wording, primarily because his wifes parents are divorced, she hates her father’s wife, and they didn’t want to deal with listing a thousand names along with the drama of leaving her “step mom” off (she gets really offended if you even call her her step mom). My parents (parents of the groom) actually hosted the entire wedding, but the first wording just makes it a bit less complicated and is definitely suitable for a non-black tie affair.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1696 posts
    Bumble bee

    @jhoyle7608:  This is your mother-in-law who is objecting, prefering that you keep her contributions to your reception private so that your mother has the honour and pleasure of standing in the place of sole hostess. And she is asking you to follow her example, and also step aside out of respect for your mother. Sounds to me that you have the good fortune of marrying into a family that holds generosity and discretion as high values.

    I disagree with her, that it would be any way appropriate to leave your step-father off the invitation: not because he has raised you since you were five, but simply because he is your mother’s husband and modern etiquette is for a married hostess to issue invitations in the name of both herself and her husband. It would be in the best of taste for your birth-father to offer to keep his contribution private as your mother-in-law is doing, so that your mother’s name can appear alone at the head of the invitation.

    In that case, you could use the strictly traditional wording, which would be

    Mr and Mrs Step Dadr
    equest the honor of the presence of

    at the marriage of her daughter
    Firstname Secondname
    to
    Mr Hisfirst Hissecond Hislaston
    &tc

    It is, as you can see, actually as “short and simple” as your option number 1. In your shoes, I would be tempted to consult further with your mother-in-law, and see if she actually prefers the traditional form; or whether she wants a modern adaptation that gives sponsorship credits to all the parents, but gives “top” billing only to the bride’s mother.

    I truly like the value system that inspired the original wording:that “nice” people keep their financial arrangements private (hence there is only one hostess regardless of how many people are contributing to her party-fund), and that a “nice” girl is unashamed of her roots regardless of her fiance’s and friends’ family standing (hence letting her mother host the reception according to her family style and status). But, I am pretty fond of several twenty-first century values too: like the notion that a woman is entitled to her own name, and that at a wedding celebration family relationships are of primary importance. So with those adaptations, the traditional wording becomes

    Mr Step Dad and Mrs Your Mom
    request the honor of the presence of

    at the marriage of her daughter
    Firstname Secondname
    daughter of Mr Birth Dad
    to
    Mr Hisfirst Hissecond Hislast
    son of Mr His Dad and Mrs His Mom
    on &tc

    .

    Post # 7
    Member
    356 posts
    Helper bee

    I think your first choice is great, very simple! You could also change it perhaps to “together with their families” to include everyone.

    The topic ‘Invitation wording dilemma! please help!!!!’ is closed to new replies.

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