Post # 1
Ugh, I’ve been dreading this part of wedding planning. I’m in the process of designing my invitations, but every time I get to the part where I need to insert the actual invitation verbiage, I quit. Here’s the story. My parents are divorced. It happened when I was in college. My dad has re-married, but since it was after I was out of the house, it’s not like his wife is my “step-mom” (she wasn’t involved in raising me). My mom has not re-married.
My dad is paying for the entire wedding. My mom is contributing where she can, but can’t afford much. My mom is not very accepting of my dad’s wife, especially at the thought of her being involved in my wedding.
So. How do I word this dang invitation without insulting either party? The invitations I’ve seen say something to the effect of “Mr. and Mrs. So-and-so request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter…” I have no idea what to do. If I only mention “Mr. Dad and Ms. Mom request your presence…” am I insulting my dad by leaving his wife out?
Your help is MUCH appreciated!
Post # 3
@ASDF: I think you need to include all three since your father and his wife probably share finances, so its her money too. I’m sure another bee will have a good way to word it, but I’m not an expert on that part.
Post # 4
Hmm… With that, I’d check with your dad and see how he feels about it. Tell him you want to respect both parties, but trying to do this is making you crazy! You shouldn’t get caught in the middle–in the end, it’s a piece of paper that half the guests are going to lose (I’ve lost more wedding invitations than I can count!) and almost none are actually going to read besides date and time and location.
Post # 5
I didn’t look this up, so I might not be totally accurate on my info, but on the whole, your best bet is to go with tradition on this. Here’s why:
A wedding invitation is to inform guests of the 5w’s regarding the wedding. That is it’s purpose–nuts and bolts. It is NOT to honor or acknowledge your parents/step parents or anyone else in your life–you can do that in your wedding program if you so desire.
One of those nuts-and-bolts thing is who is hosting the party. So if it were to say (// means a line separation): Mr. Robert Smith // and Ms. Ann Smith… it would say that your dad and your mom, divorced couple, are hosting. Now, yes, your dad is paying for the wedding, but he is married. And married people share finances so your step-mother is also, technically paying for the wedding, so they both should be listed. You can list your mother as well, as she is contributing, but if dad is contributing the most, I would probably give him the first position on the invite:
Mr. and Mrs. Robert Smith
and Ms. Ann Smith
request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter blah blah blah.
In other words, the invite has no relationship to the familial relationships–it literally states who is paying/hosting for the wedding. That’s why you MUST include step-mom and why you can include mom as well.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2012 - Walnut Beach Resort
My parents are also divorced, so I had to nix the parents-in-the-invitation thing. I think it’s a bit outdated anyway, though I probably would’ve done it if my parents were still together.
This Day We Begin the Adventure of a Lifetime….
Please Join Us As
Are United in Marriage
At An Outdoor Ceremony
There are many different options that don’t include the parents..I don’t really know what’s appropriate when the the bride’s parent(s) are exclusilvey paying, my Mother-In-Law, my parents and my Fiance & I are contributing equally to ours.
I’m sure you will find wording that works for you and your Fiance 🙂
Post # 7
My parents are divorced but my mom never changed her last name back, and is in a very long term relationship. My invitations would’ve been: Mr. Smith and Ms. Smith + Mr. Jones blah blah blah… so I chose to do “Together with their families”. It ties in everyone without having to include all of the names.
Post # 8
We have this EXACT situation going on. Fiance parents are divorced and both now are remarried but didn’t get remarried until the kids were grown so step parents didn’t have a part in raising the kids. We decided mutually that we are only putting his mom and dad on the invitation. So, it would read Mr. Dad and Mrs. Mom on ours.
Post # 9
This is our situation as well. Our parents are all contributing to the wedding, but we didn’t like the whole “mr and mrs parents invite you to their kids’ wedding”. We are adults and WE are planning and inviting people, along with our parents. So we are wording our invitations as follows:
Together with their parents,
Invite you to etc etc etc
I actually did check with all the parents on this to make sure no one was upset that they were not specifically listed as hosting on the invitation. I didn’t think anyone would care, until another bee posted that she did this and her dad was very hurt so I made sure I checked. Also, I consider my dads wife my step mom although I was an adult when they got married. She is doing a lot for the wedding so this makes me feel like i’m including her by saying “with their parents”