(Closed) Invitation wording doubt

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2397 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

We had a similar situation with our wedding – my parents were paying for a chunk, and we were paying for the rest. We ended up just putting:

Mr. and Mrs. Blueshoes request the honor of your presence at the wedding of their daughter First and middle name to Husband First middle and last name.

We opted to not include his parents since they weren’t contributing financially, and because his parents are divorced, so that would have been even more difficult. If we did include them, it would have looked like your above form.  Hope this helps a little!

Post # 4
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

There is actually another post about this and it seems most people put both even if only one helps because they just don’t want to upset anyone. I actually like what you have but would your Fiance family be offended because some guests will figure out what that wording means?

Post # 5
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Talk to your family about it. 

My Mom thought it was a pretty silly tradition (and she was paying), so she suggested ‘together with their families’. Because it’s more about the celebration than who is paying. 

I think who is paying should decide the wording.

Post # 6
Member
5763 posts
Bee Keeper

http://www.verseit.com/VerseIt_Verses.cfm?SR=1

Some of these sound a little weird, but it can give you some ideas anyway.

For one wedding we hosted and B&G contributed, only our names were on it. Groom’s parents were divorced and both remarried, and no one helped at all.

For the other wedding, we paid for the reception and lots of other things, B&G contributed by paying for venue and cake, and groom’s parents paid for many things (photographer,invitations,Rehearsal Dinner, DJ) so both our names were on it.

Post # 7
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I like the wording that you have, although I would probably run it by his family to see if they’d be offended by it. Still, though, even if they were, you don’t really have the right to complain about that wording (or anything wedding related) if you ain’t paying, IMO.

Another option would be “together with their families” if that one is ok with your fam.

Post # 9
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee

You are actually starting from a false understanding, which is causing some of the problem. It is actually NOT true that whoever is paying automatically becomes the host. The host is the person who takes personal responsibility for bringing the event off: the person guests will hold socially responsible for any gaffs, the person who will make the final decisions on anything related to planning the guests’ care and entertainment. Where that person gets the money to pull off all her responsibilities is a private matter: formal etiquette forbids discussing finances in public or blatantly laying finances out before your guests.

Formal etiquette also holds that the duties of host aren’t really divisible amongst a committee (except in the case of a women’s club social committee, and even then invitations are generally issued by the committee chair on behalf of the club). So proper form is to pick ONE — either yourself, or your parents — and issue the invitations in that name. Now, there’s nothing wrong with deciding to dispense with formal protocol. But once you do, you can stop worrying about what would be “right” and go instead with what you decide for yourself after due consideration.

Although what I generally decide after due consideration, is to stick with correct form.

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