(Closed) Invitation Wording FIASCO!

posted 8 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
4068 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

@captaintina:  Honestly – your step mom is not your “parent”, I personally would put your mom and dad. Can you talk to your dad and just explain that given the circumstances with your moms health, and the situation surrounding their divorce it would be more appropriate to word the invite that way? Right now I’d appease my mom. I’m so sorry, I hope your day is beautiful and you get to make long-lasting memories with her 🙂

Post # 4
3584 posts
Sugar bee

@captaintina:  Your step mom isnt your actual parent like previous poster stated. I would just put your mom and dads name and be done with it. Your dad will just have to live with the decision. I think it’s more importatnt to please your mother with what she is going through.

Post # 5
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I am so sorry to hear about your mom.   I cannot imagine that.  I know she is very ill, but your father’s wife has been in your life for 25 years, and as such should be listed on the invitation.  I just received one that listed a mother, followed by father & wife. 

Post # 6
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

No reason to list the second wife on the invite…. none at all.

Post # 7
1580 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@captaintina:  First of all, I’m so sorry about your mother’s illness! That’s terrible. Many virtual *hugs* your way. 

I think having a chat with you father to explain why you don’t want to put your step mother’s name on the invitation would be nice. Just tell him that your mother would be hurt and in her current state of health it would be nice of him if he could just humor her. If he refuses, too bad for him but your step mother is not your actual parent and doesn’t need to be mentioned on the invitation. Your mother is very ill, I think appeasing her would be the right thing to do here. 

Post # 8
7960 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@captaintina:  i would just have your mother’s and father’s names on the invite.

Post # 9
30399 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999


I am sorry for what your mother is going through and for what you are dealing with.

The basic rule of thumb is to tread lightly — you don’t want to salt old wounds or, if one parent is happily remarried and the other is unhappily not, bring public attention to this fact, if only to spare the unmarried parent’s feelings. Your safest bet is to list your natural parents’ names only and on separate lines. If one parent has been remarried for a significant amount of time and that stepparent has played an important role in your life, it is appropriate to include that person’s name on the same line as his or her wife or husband. (And regardless of who’s remarried, always list the mother first.)

I do think you will be hurting your stepmother’s feelings if you do this. Unless you are a significantly older bride, or you had little to no contact with your Dad, if she has been with your Dad for 25 years, she likely had a significant invlvement in your life, including some parenting.

Post # 10
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Your mum comes first. Never mind what your dad says. There is no reason at all for your step mum to be on it because you are not her daughter. It’s your wedding and entirely up to you how you word your invitations. 

That aside, all the best to your mum and I really hope she has a fantastic day with you and the rest of the family. xx

Post # 11
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I had a very similar issue with the wording of my invites.  My fiance’s dad expected his step-mom’s name to be on the invites (he also left my fiance’s mother for this woman while my fiance was a child) and his mother didn’t want that.  My mother wanted the parents’ names on the invites for the same reason as your mom.  In the end I talked to my fiance who said he just wanted biological parents and if his step mom was hurt then he didn’t really care as the day was about us, not them.

My advice would be to just go with your mom and dad.  Don’t worry about the step mom, its not about them at all.

Post # 12
5979 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@julies1949:  +1

I think not including your step mom could affect your relationship with your father. We avoided this issue by writing “Together with their parents”.

Post # 13
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@captaintina:  I am so very sorry to hear about your mom. Could you maybe write something on the invitation to make it less formal and write

Because you have shared in our lives

By your friendship and love, we

Bride and groom

Invite you to share the beginning of our new life together





Etc etc  

Post # 14
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’d go less formal, and just leave parents names off it altogether. I knew there’d be fuss if we put my parents names before my husbands (even though we and my parents paid for the wedding) so we just left it with ‘together with our families’ and it was fine. 

Post # 15
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@captaintina:  First, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. We’ve dealt with more than our fair share of cancer in my family, so my heart is just breaking for you. 

I would do

Captaintina Bee

daughter of Mom Captaintina and Dad Captaintina


Captaintina’s Man

son of His Mom & His Dad

invite you to celebrate blah blah blah….

That way, there’s no logical way for your stepmother to be put on the invite, because you are NOT her daughter. 

Also— if your dad bitches about it, tell him to suck it. Your mom gets anything she wants right now and if he doesn’t like it he can kick rocks. 

Post # 16
892 posts
Busy bee

@MexiPino:  +1 

Maybe you can include stepmom’s name on something else at the wedding or reception.

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