(Closed) Plus One Dilemmas

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should I do?
    Invite your serious relationship wedding party members as: Jill and Jack : (32 votes)
    34 %
    Invite your serious relationship wedding party members as: Jill Plus 1 (just in case) : (2 votes)
    2 %
    If you're giving one cousin a plus 1, you need to give his/her single brother/sister a plus 1 too : (7 votes)
    8 %
    Give the two brothers plus ones (even though one is single) : (6 votes)
    6 %
    Give the two sisters plus ones (even though one is single) : (6 votes)
    6 %
    Only give plus ones to the cousins in serious relationships (just follow your rules!) : (28 votes)
    30 %
    Give all cousins plus ones, resulting in 7 extra guests : (7 votes)
    8 %
    Other (please explain because I need a lot of help!) : (5 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    1.    No, you write the name of the fiancé(e) or SO. Even if you’ve never met the person, find out what their name is and how to spell it. If they aren’t living together, you can address it to your friend on the outer envelope and write the date’s name on the inner envelope.
    2./3. No, you don’t need to give the single brother/sister a plus one, as long as you follow that rule for all guests (wedding party excluded). We’re in the same boat with my FI’s male cousins.
    4.    Ok. He’ll be invited to the rehearsal dinner, and is kind of part of the wedding party, so that’s fine.
    5.    See 2/3

    Basically, you just need to make a rule and keep it consistent.  

    Post # 5
    355 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Can I ask how many people are invited? For some reason if you are already inviting a lot of people, I see an extra 7 potential +1s being something you should just deal with as part of having a wedding. I know we all get it since we are planning weddings ourselves, but as a guest it would be easy to look around and think that there are 200 people here, why didn’t I get a +1? Also, I bet not all 7 will bring dates anyway. If your wedding is really small, then I think they would be understanding, especially if the family is close enough that they will be having enough fun hanging out with each other.

    To the Jack & Jill question – this happened to me. I addressed an invite to my Bridesmaid or Best Man and her SO trying to be personal and they broke up about a week after she got the invitation. Honestly I think it was still better to be personal. And if one your good friends goes through a breakup, you will be talking to her about it anyway and have an opportunity to tell her to invite whomever she wants as her guest.

    Post # 6
    16018 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    If someone is engaged or in a serious relationship, I’d definitely write the name of the SO on the invite. Only for those who might bring a date (non-relationship) would I say “and guest.” I’d give the reader a +1 because he’s part of the wedding party.

    For your other cousins, I’d just make it all or nothing. Either they all get a +1 or none do. And I think you can justify either way, so long as it’s consistent. 🙂


    Post # 7
    9952 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    You set The Rules… now it is best that you stick with them (also makes it easier to explain later down the road incase folks ask)

    “Sorry, we are aiming for a small intimate Wedding (or our Venue only has so much room… if that is a valid reason) … so when it came to our Guest List we are only inviting Married / Engaged / Living Together Couples and those we know who have been in long-term relationships. So no random Plus Ones or Dates”

    That takes care of Issues # 2, # 3 and # 5

    Issue # 4 – This is a member of the Wedding Party / Ceremony… so they definitely get a Plus One.  See my reply to Issue # 1 below.

    And now back to…

    Issue # 1 – I think that being in the Wedding Party is different than being a regular Guest (hence note the wording in my Quote above). Wedding Party members should always be allowed to bring along a Guest. Address the Invites to the Person & their Date / SO by name.

    IF someone breaks up you’ll hear about it… as you guys are supposed to be close friends and all. IF that happens then you just sweetly tell your friend “Oh… hon you can bring whomever you like along with you to the Wedding” And when I mean WHOMEVER that is the truth. If they bring their Sister or even Mother it is ok. They are going thru a tough time… they can bring along whomever is in their life giving them support making them feel better. Especially so if it is an out of town wedding, and means staying over at a hotel… they might feel a lot better have a “girlfriend” there than some Date… or dishing out extra for an additional Hotel Room for a guy etc

    Hope this helps,


    Post # 8
    2286 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: Central Park

    Stick to your rules. Engaged, dating for 1+ years, and living together get a plus one. Anyone in the bridal party gets a plus one. Anyone who will not know another single person gets a plus one. Other than that they can rock it solo. Your three single cousins do not get dates.

    I have a friend who is notorious for short term 3-4 month relationships. I gave her plus one as “and guest” because if you name someone they are invited no matter what happens. And I didn’t want a random guy there if they broke up. Which they did. Now she’s coming single. I’m so glad I didn’t put his name on the invite.

    Post # 9
    9952 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    PS… I voted as follows

    1- Invites addressed to Jill & Jack


    2- Follow Your Own Rules !!


    Post # 12
    2286 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: Central Park

    Do not give plus ones to cousins who are single. They can talk with each other. If they’re engaged/living together/been together for years then put the other person’s name on it.

    Post # 14
    1134 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    If they are over 18 do a plus one.

    If they are in a seriuos relationship/engaged write both names on invite.

    The topic ‘Plus One Dilemmas’ is closed to new replies.

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