(Closed) Plus One Dilemmas

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should I do?

    Invite your serious relationship wedding party members as: Jill and Jack

    Invite your serious relationship wedding party members as: Jill Plus 1 (just in case)

    If you're giving one cousin a plus 1, you need to give his/her single brother/sister a plus 1 too

    Give the two brothers plus ones (even though one is single)

    Give the two sisters plus ones (even though one is single)

    Only give plus ones to the cousins in serious relationships (just follow your rules!)

    Give all cousins plus ones, resulting in 7 extra guests

    Other (please explain because I need a lot of help!)

  • Post # 17
    1875 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012


    #1.  If they are in a relationship, address it to Jill and Jack.  If they break up or RSVP without their SO, you can let him/her know that they are welcome to bring someone else if they want.

    #2-5.  I think since most of the cousins are single, you can go ahead with your plan and not give them +1s.  That’s what we did with the exception of 1 cousin.  She’s single, but her 3 sisters got to bring their BFs and I thought it might be mean to not let her bring a date. 


    Post # 19
    296 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @This Time Round:  Totally agree.

    Also, if an engaged couple or long-term couple is living separately, I think they should each get their own invitation mailed to their place of living.  

    As far as the cousins dilema, here is what I plan to do.  I’m going to send out a facebook message to all of my cousins asking for updated addresses and I will add that if they are in a serious relationship, please include the name and address of that person as well.  That way you don’t need to invite plus 1s, but you do invite, by name, all of the couples and you let your cousins decide whether or not their relationship is serious, so no one will get offended.

    Post # 20
    79 posts
    Worker bee

    If they’re in a relationship then they should get a +1. If they’re not in a relationship then I don’t see any problem in not offering a +1. The only exception is if someone wouldn’t really know anyone else at the wedding… then I’d offer a +1 regardless of whether they were in a relationship or not.


    Post # 21
    1094 posts
    Bumble bee

    Nobody gets a “+1”. Every single person whom you, as hostess, admit to your party is your guest, and must be treated with the honour and respect due to a guest. The very minimum standard of honour, is that you treat them as persons in their own right, not as someone else’s accessory. How would you invite a guest? By their own name, with their own invitation sent to their own address, just as if you truly welcomed them as a person. And that is how you should invite Jack: no patronizingly hedging your bets “just in case”. Since you (or your fiance or one of your mothers) should be personally acquainted with anyone whom you invite, you can reaasonably be expected to know the names of their spouses or fiances — even if they are “de facto” spouses and fiances who don’t flaunt the necessary rings.

    Other guests who do not have fiances or spouses need to be cared for in another way. Ideally, you care for them by ensuring that your seating charts place each and every guest beside table-mates whom they will find charming, friendly and interesting. Who knows: your wedding might thereby be the place where the next beautiful love-story gets its beginning. It sounds like a lot of work, to customize your seating charts to the needs of each individual guest — and it is a lot of work. It’s one of the responsibilities that you take on when you claim the privilege of being hostess. You can make the job easier sometimes by inviting an extra guest purely because that guest will be charming, friendly and interesting to one of your existing single guests. One way to do that, is to ask the particular single guest if they want to suggest someone for you to invite. This tactic has the advantage that, in addition to being proper and polite, it gives you complete flexibility about which, ahem, “plus-ones” you wish to extend. No-one needs to know that awkward cousin Sue got a “plus-one” — because he didn’t. You just happened to invite his girlfriend.

    The topic ‘Plus One Dilemmas’ is closed to new replies.

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