(Closed) Invitation wording help! Confusing situation…

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

It’s okay to list your full names.  I listed our full names and our parents full names. 

Post # 4
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think what you have is fine. I’ve seen people use only first and middle names, but since you don’t have a middle, I think it will look better with your first and last.

Post # 5
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

The order is kind of confusing, I would do it as:

 

Mr. & Mrs. FirstName LastName (of FI’s parents)

request the pleasure of your company 

at the marriage of  their son

FirstName MiddleName LastName (groom)

to

BrideFirstName BrideLastName

Daughter of Mr. & Mrs. FirstName LastName (of my parents)

 

As far as the middle name thing goes, I don’t think it matters. Put your names however you feel comfortable.

Post # 6
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Looks good the way you have it!

Post # 7
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee

@pbhatta4670:  The reason that the bride’s surname is omitted when her parents host a party in her honour is NOT that “etiquette says” bride’s surnames should be omitted, but that her surname can be assumed to be the same as theirs. If it is different, even the most traditional etiquette says her surname should be used. Her title is NOT used, because it shounds pretentious for parents to refer to their own child by a title.

By the same logic, the groom’s surname IS used, because the guests need to know it in order to figure out who he is; and his title IS used, because in formal situations adults use titles when speaking of other adults.

Now in your case, with all the roles flipped around, it is the groom’s surname and title that should be omitted, and the bride’s surname and title that are needed. Your parents’ names are not necessary or traditional, but I assume you are including them out of kindness to them, or to help guests remember who you are by reminding them to whom you are related.So, you would have:

Mr. & Mrs. Groom’s Dad

request the pleasure of your company 

at the marriage of their son

Groomfirst Groommiddle

to

Ms BrideFirstName BrideLastName

Daughter of Mr. & Mrs. Brides Father

 

The only question remaining is, whether your name should come before or after your fiance’s names. There are connotations to both. If you cast it as above with the parents marrying off their son, traditionalists will see it as role reversal: you are being presented as the mature independent adult who is taking over care of the sweet naive husband from his caring parents. If you word it as your future inlaws throwing the party to marry you off to their son, (i.e. “of Miss Bridefirst Bridelast to their son …” you raise the question of whether you are so estranged from your parents that you cannot wait to leave your birth family for a better one. Having known as many sweet naive young men as sweet naive young women, and being a strong believer in truth in advertising, I find the first set of connotations the least offensive.

 

Post # 9
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

It’s a little unusual to list groom before bride, but it’s not the end of the world.

If you prefer something more oblique, you could do something like what we did, something along the lines of … (imagine this properly formatted & centered):

We joyously request

the honor of your presence

at the celebration of the marriage

uniting

BridesGivenName(s)      &       GroomsGivenNames

daughter of                                    son of

(bride’s parents’ names)                    (groom’s parents’ names)

yadda yadda details of date time place etc. etc.

 

Part of what I like about it is that the “we joyously request …” is oblique about who is hosting, and can refer to the couple, both sets of parents, or any subset thereof. As long as guests know who to R.s.v.p. to, they can infer whatever they need to about who is hosting – not that it’s any of their business who pays for what in the wedding budget. Are your FI’s parents concerned with getting “credit” on the invitations for hosting the wedding, or do you think they’d go for something like this?

Post # 11
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee

@pbhatta4670:  “Weird” just means “of strange or extraordinary character” — in other words, “Unique” or “Individual”. So don’t worry about that part. Other brides are bending over backwards to try to find things that will make their wedding unique. Besides, it’s already “weird” by the standards of traditional etiquette that the groom’s parents are hosting the party, but it happens to suit your unique situation. So run with it: honi soit qui mal y pense.

The person named first (after the hosts, of course) is the person on whose behalf the hosts are acting. That’s one of the nuanced shades of meaning that are missed or misunderstood by advisors who dabble in traditional etiquette exclusively for its application to weddings. In fact, they (and you, if you are advising them) get to choose whom they wish to have seen by society as their protege. But, if it’s you, it tends to imply that you don’t have any of your own kin who could or would act for you. And that is not really the case. If it’s your fiance, it implies that he still relies on his parents to conduct his formal social life for him, which … is really the case, isn’t it?

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