(Closed) invitation wording not using real names?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - The Desmond Hotel in Malvern, PA

For the Future Father-In-Law, I say put whatever name he requests!  If people know him as David, they might be confused by an invitation that says William, and really, people will be too excited about getting your invite to even notice the other people named on it

Your mom’s argument is a little more confusing…. I think you could still put her first name (rather than Mr. and Mrs. Manlyname Shortcake, put Mr. Manlyname and Mrs. Ladyname Shortcake, or get rid of the Mr. and Mrs. altogether), but it will look weird to put her name on a separate line from her husband if they are, indeed, married.  Can you explain to her that this is simply etiquette, and putting her name on another line may mislead some guests into believing your parents are divorced?  Wouldn’t her husband (I’m not sure if this is your dad or step-dad) be slightly offended that she doesn’t want to be associated with him?   

Post # 4
170 posts
Blushing bee

Is David his middle name?  Then you would put W. David LastName.  If it’s just name that he is known by professionally and personally I would say use David.  If everyone knew him as Buddy or something I would say use William "Buddy" LastName.

Er…. I would draw the line at getting her own line – as a parent she is one of a set of two parents so on the invitation she is part of a unit. But for the spririt of compromise maybe you could do MomFirstName and DadFirstName Last Name (i.e. Kathy and Jim Smith).



Post # 5
59 posts
Worker bee

Wow, I didn’t know you had to be a "militant feminist" to ask that your name be used instead of Mrs. Husband’s Name… just a side note 🙂

… and I think vyeta’s advice on the David question is spot-on.

Post # 6
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

My mother also doesn’t like to be Mrs. HisName LastName.  We did our invitations as:

John and Jane Smith / invite you to join in celebrating / the marriage of their daughter / Suzanno…

FI’s mother also did not want to be Mrs. HisName LastName; she is a widower.  Since she preferred the same kind of wording as my parents, it worked great.  Not as formal as some invitations, but it’s not a black tie wedding anyway.

As for you Future Father-In-Law, it’s a wedding invitation, not a legal document after all.  You can certainly print the name he goes by; there’s no particular reason to insist on his legal name.

Post # 7
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I’d agree that having her own line is a bit much, especially when real estate on your invitation is so limited!  However, I am one of those women who loves having my husband’s last name, but do agree that my first name is just as important. 

I think you can fit it on one line:  Mrs. Jane & Dr. John Smith, or Mrs. Jane Smith & Dr. John Smith.  If they have really long names, then you just might have to go to two lines anyway!

For Future Father-In-Law, I’d print the name that everyone knows him by. 

Post # 8
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast has bugged me since before I was even a teenager.  I was hardly a "militant feminist" at 10 (or any time) but I did understand the importance of individual identity.  I would be fine with Mrs. Myfirst & Dr. Hisfirst Ourlast if we shared a last name.

Post # 9
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

my husband doesn’t go by his given name either (although his relatives still call him by his real name). To avoid confusion from both sides of the camp, I put our names as:

My Name My Middle Name  My Last Name

His Real Name "Name He Goes By" Last Name


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