(Closed) Invitation wording rude? What's tradition?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it tradition that whoever is paying for the wedding is listed at the top of the invitation?
    Yes, just your parents should be at the top, they are paying : (26 votes)
    90 %
    No, all parents should be at the top, even if they aren't hosting the event : (1 votes)
    3 %
    Other (explain) : (2 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9917 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    It’s traditional to have the bride’s parents at the top of the invitation.  They’re hosting, so they are doing the inviting.

    Post # 4
    Member
    7902 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    You can add his parents by putting “son of Mr. and Mrs. First Last” under his name.

    Your wording is not invitation wording though; it’s announcement wording, and announcements are sent after the wedding to those not invited who should be informed that the wedding took place.

    Post # 5
    Member
    27 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Right now it reads like an announcement rather than an invitation, so you may want to change it to something like “request the pleasure of your company” (tradition uses that phrasing for secular weddings and “request the honor of your presence” for religious weddings). And yes, traditionally the hosts (usually the bride’s family) would be the people inviting guests so their names would be at the top. You can include Billy Bob’s parents with a line after what you have now saying, “Son of ___ and ____ blank.” 

    Post # 6
    Member
    4336 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I would add his parents under his name, like PP mentioned. But also keep in mind- a wedding invitation is not a listing of “who’s who,” it’s simply a way of passing along the information of when/where the event will be, and informing people they are invited and by whom they were invited.

    ETA: I would also check the wording of the invite with his parents before printing- better to not offend them than to have perfect etiquette!

    Post # 8
    Member
    251 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Ok I put other just because people have different opinions on whether paying entitles someones name to take credit but anyway..Yes usually the brides parents are the ones hosting and should be on the invitation requesting guests presence to the marriage of their daughter to Mr. So&So.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1699 posts
    Bumble bee

    Traditional proper etiquette, is that the name of the hostess (optionally combined, if she is married, with the name of her husband) goes at the top of a formal invitation (and at the bottom of an informal invitation.) Traditional proper etiquette also forbids well-reared people from discussing money in social situations and places more emphasis on the hostess’s social credit, than on her credit rating. She has the responsibility to vouch for the suitability of every guest to every other guest, and to ensure that the guests’ comfort and safety is taken care of and that no guest is affronted by any displays of bad taste. Any invoices that come in can be paid by anyone who will pay them.

    Of course, the reality is that to fulfil all those responsibilities, the hostess usually needs to be the one who signs the contracts which means she usually needs to have the means to settle the bills as well — but that is quite traditionally done, if there are other funders available, by having them provide the funding to her in trust of some sort.

    Traditional etiquette also says that the wedding should be given by the closest kinswoman of the bride who is able to act as hostess, which means that, yes, the bride’s mother (and her husband if she has one) most commonly appears at the top of the invitation. The names of other people can certainly be omitted — except in one circumstance. And it’s a circumstance that your mother nailed. She, as named hostess, is responsible to see that no guest — especially your fiance’s parents who are arguably as much guests of honour as you and your fiance are  — is affronted. So, regardless of what tradition is and what traditional proper form is, traditional proper etiquette agrees with your mother that you need to find out whether your in-laws-to-be will be offended, and if so to make some non-traditional changes.

     

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